Jump to content

  • Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Walking Towards The Sun



Shackles on my words are tight

Posted by , in complaining 04 October 2011 - - - - - - · 358 views

Gain again what they want to steal. Lack of motivation, fear or just straight up laziness.The hardest thing in life has got to be starting. On the low end of bi-polar everything feels like sitting in a race car with no gas. Everything is cool-n-all but it just never goes anywhere.

I've overwhelmed myself again. I have that horrible tendency to pile on the obligation when I reach the top of the emotional wave. Though I've never been that good at organizing my life, so it shouldn't surprise me every time it happens. It just hits me like a wave, and demotivates me. I've gone a good 5 years without promising a single thing, never led people on. Be a shadow and I'll never dissapoint. What good that has done me. Now I try to break away from that, open up and try more. What good that has done. I can't seem to find that happy middle, something I can be comfortable with. Maybe I've just never been that comfortable with my own abilities.

I was told the other day to stop judging myself based on what others have done. Then what do I judge myself off of? It could be alot worse, but I've made so many enemies it's getting harder to be positive.


tmi or soggy captain crunch

Posted by , in complaining 26 September 2011 - - - - - - · 444 views

huh? Were you been?

Joyless and frustrated, for two months, dealing with four letter expletives and the people that start it. No offense but why do all women have to be ignorant, or uninterested? Why do people have to be so vague? I'm trying not to get angry, but I really want to break something. i really don't want to type, and i don't want to write. i don't want to talk and I don't want to listen. I still have no clue what I want to do, or even how to do it. I want to yell, but worried they'll here me. Fear for tomorrow, and the words that lead to it.

I gotta stop over thinking. Like a bad seal waiting to go bad, I've been holding it in for too long. I've literally done next to nothing for two months and am dreading getting started again. My hours just got cut back at work, so now I've got to find a new job to fill in the gaps. Yay, more money trouble, and i still can't catch up to the debts I already have. I've started playing magic again, not the PC version but the actual cards. God is it hard not to want to buy cards every day. With Innistrad coming this weekend, I've been saving my money for a booster box on release day. That can be such a money pit, with all the ideas I get from it... it's so tempting.

Am I stuck in moratorium, clueless on where my life is going, but not comfortable with were it is? Do I go back to pursuing my art, continue with programming. School is out of the question for the foreseeable future. Sometimes I feel like all I do is day dream, stuck in my head and not ready to deal with the world.

Someone gave me the idea, of going back to my art and designing flash as a way to get started. How the hell would I get started with that first?


http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/blackLines.png
on my left arm.. and represents the feelings of going through recovery and isolation.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Waiting.png
soon to be across my right shoulder blade

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Changevert.png

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Changehoriz.png
draft of what will be wrapping around my right bicep

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Perceptiondraft2.png





Latest Visitors



PARTNERS