"I have no idea where to start" just gets me down.
Actually the expression "I have no idea where to start" is pretty much a clear indicator that programming is seriously the wrong volition to be embarking on. Frankly, this is perhaps the defining trait of a good programmer!
That is what somewhat salts the wound, when the persons post is a clear indicator they are more or less bound for failure.
Not to say that if you get stumped, you are a failure as a programmer. But if you lack initiative and research skills, well... seriously, wrong profession.