I had no reason on paper to be depressed - well off background, parents in a happy marriage, yes I fought with my siblings but who doesn't at that age? Brainy as anybody I ever knew, and got the results to prove it. (When the depression started affecting me, my work slipped quite badly
The line I quoted is probably one of the biggest reasons I'm so bent out of shape. I hate the fact I have no outside reason to be depressed. I will guarantee you I have a fear of failure. It may not be the entire story, as I'm sure my mental habits are not perfect, but it's definitely a very large part. I'm surprised you picked that out from just my writing! I've passed the point where menial every day tasks are straining. I can go about my day and I'm even looking for a part-time job to get my feet wet. However I can say with confidence I am still depressed.
I can definitely relate to your destructive or self-secluding episodes. I will leave the house when my parents get home and walk around town for hours until they go to bed and I can be 'alone' in a sense. And of course they occasionally involve beating the shit out of miscellaneous objects. I'm not exactly sure what I can ask you...but given that you're the closest thing I've found to what I'm going through any advice or relevant information would be appreciated.