That's not what he's asking.
he's asking for people to actually play his game, and review it. Sadly I cannot since I have very little experience of text-based games. I'm afraid my input would be useless.
If he wants people to play his game he should provide a link to it.
For some more generic advice (Since that is all we can provide) i'd recommend that the OP takes a look at the Zork games: http://www.gog.com/gamecard/the_zork_anthology ($3 for the full package, 6 games, highly recommended if you want to play some really amazing text based adventures).
The thing that makes those games stand out even today is the quality of the writing. (The writing for games section of these forums might be able to provide more hands on advice in that department)