Player requests to see the outside world and find answers to
why the world as we knew it had ended.
Players sees world as it is and his resolve is strengthened –
to find answers.
Scene 5: (The player proceeds down the street)
There's a problem with how you discuss player actions. You describe them as scripted, not interactive. You cannot dictate the player's actions and emotional states.
Player's possible actions: examine newspaper, open drawer, open door, open blinds, pick up blaster. Opening door takes player to the street.
Goal for this scene: find answers.
In the street the player can explore the following: dumpster, wrecked house, parking garage, parked aircar, intact house, restaurant with smashed front window. Exploring aircar permits player to take off and fly.
See, a game is not like a movie. It's interactive. You have to describe it that way.
Awesome advice! Thanks for stating that so clearly. I will edit the scenes with that in mind so that I am not describing it as if it was a fully-scripted event.
Here is the new format I will try using. Let me know if this makes more sense and is more professional and explanatory. I will edit the original post when I've got the new scene format finished.
Scene "#" (NAME)
Items of Interest (IOI): Journal
Hidden Object Games: None