@Got_Rhythm - Sorry, I wasn't trying to come off as harsh or anything.
I guess I come at stuff like the story a little differently than others. When the story feels weaker (in this case because you basically have the opening only on your site), I look at the game play supporting it. In this case, I just didn't know enough about the game play to see if the story fit at all. From my first read of the plot, it felt more like an anime script than some major plot points for a game.
To me, now that you've got more info on your site, the story becomes easier to grasp because I know the world you've created and I have an idea of how the player interacts with their undead monsters so it gives me context for the story. Kind of like if one were to read a great novel minus all of the adjectives or descriptions of nouns in the story.
But yeah, I think its an interesting idea.. One thing you might like to take into consideration is having the player explore and learn aspects of the story through game play instead of feeding them content to progress the story.
When looking over the story plot stuff from your first post, it feels like the player isn't in control at all with the exception of the tutorial fight. You might want to consider giving the player options of where to go in game play but have NPC's gentlely nudge the player to a preferred solution to continue the games story. It'll help flesh out the world as well as help the player become more invested in the world. Or even make the player flip through pages of their mini-necronomicon while casting spells, trying to find one that will save the Alex character while she's dying; adding tension and interactivity to the scene.
So yeah, I like it.