Thanks for sharing this! I had a few thoughts:
- If you're not a VO guy, then don't do your own VO in a sound design demo. It reads a bit harsh, and I don't mean it that way. The current VO is taking me out of your demo instead of immersing me in it.
- Don't use highly recognizable sounds, like the Wilhelm scream at :46. I feel it cheapens the overall demo and don't use it twice in the same demo video.
- Your gun sounds, and many of your other sounds, lack weight. I should feel like I'm firing a really powerful weapon. Now it's true that Bioshock Infinite takes place in the 1920's and the official gun sounds have a more antique feel. That's appropriate but when I'm playing the game it still gives a sense of power.
- Spend some time doing A/B comparisons between FPS and your demo. See where you're hitting the mark and where you're missing it.
- Be careful about your mix between the music elements and the sound design. There are points where the mix gets really muddy and unclear. A potential employer or client wants to see (and hear!) that you can create a good mix with a complex, active game like an FPS.
- Edit: Consider only offering a music or a sound design only demo reel. Most times folks are going to want to hire you for one or the other, especially with larger clients. It's rare to land a position where you'll be doing both. It's possible but more rare. To be honest... the music feels more like an after thought so I question the wisdom at putting it in a demo. You want to only put in your best stuff in a demo.
Hope that helps!