Community Status Updates
Every time somebody tweets about how we should "inpeach" the president, God raises Edwin Newman from the dead and re-kills him.
If a waiter ever pissed in the gazpacho of a person who got a $77k tax writeoff for their Olympic Dressage Horse, I'd probably forgive him.
"Don't make me go all Mitzi Gaynor on your ass!" didn't have the visceral punch that I was going for.
I need to slow down on sending naughty text messages to my wife. Every time I type "B" on my phone, it now suggests "Boobalicious".
If someone's annoying, the easiest way to get rid of 'em is to declare 'em the number-two person of Al Quaeda. Hear that, Tila Tequila?