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Got kids? Or know any? Are they nearing (or in) puberty? Well, share their funnies!


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#1 irreversible   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 1241

Posted 09 December 2010 - 04:45 AM

I recon just about everybody knows kids can be the darndest things! And there's never enough of those moments you wish you never forgot.

I am looking for such moments myself at the moment. For inspiration and, if they fit, for blatant thievery! I won't lie about that. So alas, should you have any stories or irresistible quotes you think are worthy of a telling, why not lay them out here! Be as abstract or as concise or verbose or (un)truthful as you wish - the reality of it doesn't matter. Just try to share the ones that are the darndest and the warmest!

I'll bring an example: my nephew, aged 11 at the time and was taking dancing lessons. At a family gathering he was asked the rather benign question "do you dance with girls there?", to which he answered a rather cold "yes". He was then asked to specify "do you talk to them as well?", upon which he took a couple of minutes to pause and replied with a most serious voice: "does a tennis player talk to his racket?".

If you have any such stories or quotes, or what not really, please do share them. If you do not want to share them publicly, please feel free to PM me! Don't let the funnies die - let them be heard!

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#2 Tha_HoodRat   Members   -  Reputation: 143

Posted 09 December 2010 - 01:58 PM

"Daddy the water is getting bigger again like yesterday." My son 3 at the time. He had flooded the bathroom again.

Stranger old Woman -"Hello there aren't you a cutey pie. Gimme a kiss on my cheek."
Son - "I only kiss pretty girls."

"Tomorrow's yesterday can we go to the park." <- Trying to trick me into taking him to the park that day.

"Daddy can I borrow your card."

Another Kid -" Why is the sky blue?"
Teacher -" because God made it blue."
Son - " No Ms Nillie, its because light from the sun scatters when it enters the atmoshpere.

4 year old son -" Santa is not real."
Me - "Why do you say that?"
Son - "It took us this long to go to my cousin John's house. How is he going to give John his present and my present in one night?"
He was referencing the time we drove from coast to coast to visit his cousin.

"Is that all you got? Dude you are not even trying." <- After he beat me in a round of super smash brothers.

#3 irreversible   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 1241

Posted 10 December 2010 - 02:43 AM

Haha! I love the atmospheric scattering bit! :)

#4 JamesPenny   Members   -  Reputation: 148

Posted 10 December 2010 - 04:53 AM

My dad gets the daily mail ( I know ) and in that there is a section called 'out of the mouths of babes' iirc. It's actually rather funny.

My only one was when my 7 year old cousin and 4 year old cousin were staying with me. We were watching a film on Tv which had sex in it (I did not know this before it came on, I was only half paying attention). Anyway, she (the 4 year old) asked what they were doing and, being a 16 yearold at the time, I panicked.

So I launched the old favourite 'they're hugging in a special way'. To which he (the 7 year old) said 'nah, they're fucking.'

Now as far as I know he didn't swear in front of his parents etc and he seemed awful proud of his new word so I told him 'never say this' etc etc. I didn't say anything to her because, well, she was four. Parents get in: 'Hi kids! How was it? What have you been doing?'

Little girl: 'We watched people fucking on tv!'.

After I explained it became one of those funny stories at family gatherings but Christ did I shit myself.

#5 mikeman   Members   -  Reputation: 2187

Posted 10 December 2010 - 04:54 AM

Quote:

Another Kid -" Why is the sky blue?"
Teacher -" because God made it blue."
Son - " No Ms Nillie, its because light from the sun scatters when it enters the atmoshpere.


LMAO!!!

It would be better if there was a third kid: "Yeah I guess you should have looked into that silly teacher!".

Little kids today seem so much smarter than what we used to be...there are "3D-scans" now that show what happens when their mothers are pregnant, and they start to open their eyes even when inside...is that because of "evolution", better way of living(in some places) or just all the sensory information they get?

#6 lucytorres220   Members   -  Reputation: 100

Posted 10 December 2010 - 07:19 AM

I agree with you mikeman, kids today are really smart.Now I know that we should be always ready for some questions they have on their mind.I want to share this one.-- I had 2 children my eldest was 4 & youngest was 2. I undergo cs delivery with my youngest because of a medical condition. One day,my eldest asked me what was on my tummy, I told her it is a scar, that her younger brother came out with my tummy. As she again asked me if she also came out there & I told her no, because I gave birth with her through normal delivery & explained to her where she came out. Maybe through her curiosity,she then again asked me,"how does she able to fit with my ------"then she looked at hers. I couldn't answer that question easily. Maybe a simple question to her but really am not ready enough to answer her question.

#7 Tha_HoodRat   Members   -  Reputation: 143

Posted 10 December 2010 - 12:23 PM

Quote:
Original post by mikeman
Quote:

Another Kid -" Why is the sky blue?"
Teacher -" because God made it blue."
Son - " No Ms Nillie, its because light from the sun scatters when it enters the atmoshpere.


LMAO!!!

It would be better if there was a third kid: "Yeah I guess you should have looked into that silly teacher!".

Little kids today seem so much smarter than what we used to be...there are "3D-scans" now that show what happens when their mothers are pregnant, and they start to open their eyes even when inside...is that because of "evolution", better way of living(in some places) or just all the sensory information they get?


Agreed, his memory surprises me I had explained this months before.



#8 owl   Banned   -  Reputation: 364

Posted 10 December 2010 - 12:36 PM

What I love the most about kids is their innocence.

I remember this time we went to a McDonalds. My 5yo girl asked me if I had super-strength. I replied that I didn't but then I got close to her ear and told her secretly: "I just can lift cars and throw them away if they get on my way", to which she reacted like "OMFG!". lol

#9 way2lazy2care   Members   -  Reputation: 782

Posted 10 December 2010 - 02:45 PM

Quote:
Original post by lucytorres220 Maybe through her curiosity,she then again asked me,"how does she able to fit with my ------"then she looked at hers. I couldn't answer that question easily.


"Exactly... you're fucking welcome."

#10 BronzeBeard   Members   -  Reputation: 160

Posted 10 December 2010 - 05:52 PM

I was walking through a craft store with my little brother (i was 20 he was just about 4)
we come up to the fabric section it's filled with middle++ age women...

Him: "I'm like my daddy, I have a penis" then he yells at the top of his lungs to me, "Do you have a really big penis?!"

I slam my hand across his mouth and drag his ass to the model kit section as quick as I could. I'm sure I was red as hell.

#11 itachi   Members   -  Reputation: 296

Posted 11 December 2010 - 02:27 AM

My friend's 5 year old daughter loves her MP3 player and she sings along although she doesn't understand the lyrics. When they were out shopping for clothes, she was loudly singing "suicide, suicide" while listening to some Adam Green song. He said he couldn't stop laughing when he noticed the very surprised and confused looks from the other people in the store...

#12 superpig   Staff Emeritus   -  Reputation: 1825

Posted 13 December 2010 - 04:07 AM

Quote:
Original post by Tha_HoodRat
Quote:
Original post by mikeman
Quote:

Another Kid -" Why is the sky blue?"
Teacher -" because God made it blue."
Son - " No Ms Nillie, its because light from the sun scatters when it enters the atmoshpere.

It would be better if there was a third kid: "Yeah I guess you should have looked into that silly teacher!".
Agreed, his memory surprises me I had explained this months before.
It doesn't surprise me: atmospheric scattering is a hellass cool explanation, especially compared to "God did it." If you really explain it fully, using prisms and stuff, then it explains a whole load of other things too, like how and why the sky changes colour at times.

Compared to the way the natural world actually works, most of the religious explanations are pretty boring.

#13 szecs   Members   -  Reputation: 2102

Posted 13 December 2010 - 09:21 PM

I don't have kids (probably I never will), but here's a story about me.

I was a sex machine as a little kid: I was 2, my girl cousin was 3, we were playing naked while the family was watching, when I suddenly had erection and tried to "do" my cousin. My father was prouder then ever, my mother was screaming my 17 year old brother almost puked.

At the age of 5, it was usual for me to grab the tits and reach for the pussies of 18-20 year old girls. They all got so horrified that they still mention this.

#14 irreversible   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 1241

Posted 13 December 2010 - 10:18 PM

Quote:
Original post by superpig
Compared to the way the natural world actually works, most of the religious explanations are pretty boring.


Shush! :)

szecs, I know this really good therapist social analyst! xD

#15 szecs   Members   -  Reputation: 2102

Posted 13 December 2010 - 11:12 PM

Quote:
Original post by irreversible
Quote:
Original post by superpig
Compared to the way the natural world actually works, most of the religious explanations are pretty boring.


Shush! :)

szecs, I know this really good therapist social analyst! xD


Hey, there's no problem with my youth. The problem is that girls still get horrified...




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