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### #37szecs  Members   -  Reputation: 2240

Posted 16 May 2011 - 01:25 AM

Just some random opinions without reading back:
Learn communication skills and don't be a douchebag and don't take everything soo seriously.
Not everyone likes to manipulate people, not everyone measures success in the things the OP implied. (okay, it's a bit off topic) Those words about "average wife" were quite um.... stupid.

To me, developing good socials skills started (and pretty much finished) with NOT GIVING A SHIT. It works. You know the situation "meet the parents". I did that all weekend, with relatives, goddaughter etc. I didn't give a shit about my "reputation", I didn't want do be appealing etc. And I was, at the end.

I got a job that way too. I was honest because I didn't give a shit. I immediately got the job.

### #38szecs  Members   -  Reputation: 2240

Posted 16 May 2011 - 02:02 AM

I haven't kept on the discussion, but just a thought, often when I think about being persuasive( to girls or friends ), I feel like I'm doing something bad, something immoral. Because, usually, I would have to lie or bend the truth a little or don't say the truth. For example, I could tell a girl I love her just to get what I want, or I could tell my friend I'll pay you back let me borrow \$20 for gas and so on... So sometimes, for me morality and kindheartness or whatever you wanna call it, gets in my way.

You don't have to be. That's why I said not everyone likes to manipulate. I had "successes" when I was honest. Not awkwardly honest like in Liar, liar, but sometimes I am almost that honest. But again, success is very subjective. Due to my OCD, I just can't lie to or manipulate important people (obsessive thoughts would drive me crazy). And due to my laziness, I pretty much can't manipulate anyone anyway...

### #39 SteveDeFacto   Banned   -  Reputation: 109

Posted 16 May 2011 - 02:19 AM

INTELLIGENCE - fact - genetics plays a huge part

INTELLIGENCE - fact - upbringing plays a huge part.

Take Einstein's kid and raise them in a sensory deprevation chamber and they'll be a vegetable. Take Cletus Delroy Spuckler's kid and raise them in a loving and nurturing environment that caters for their genetic disadvantages and they'll end up with an above average IQ.

Almost everything where we can say "that's genetic" is just a head-start or a slight handicap. The right environment can either overcome or reinforce these handicaps. The exceptions (the only truly genetic destiny) are obviously genetic diseases, which are extremely rare.

I was home schooled and by that I mean I sat around all day playing video games. I didn't even have the internet. My mother never graduated me and I was forced to get a GED. Despite the fact that I never went to school and never had any type of formal education I graduated in the 99 percentile. Less than 1% of high school graduates scored as high as I did. The only explanation is that it must have been genetic or that video games really make you smarter but I'm doubtful of the later...

### #40forsandifs  Members   -  Reputation: 154

Posted 16 May 2011 - 04:22 AM

I know, I used to be that way to. I used to go out on the town explicit purpose to ask for directions from ten people, and couldn't bring myself to speak to a single one. But once you realize that almost everyone wants to talk to you as well, it becomes much easier. I can't even recall being denied conversation (more then from people who are obviously busy) and with time it becomes very easy (and fun).

There is no other way to do it - just do it. All the books in the world won't help you say 'Hello'.

(Although I would suggest starting conversations with observations like "It sure is pouring" or "Where is the damn bus?" instead, since people don't think you're "after" them then.)

Hmm, yes. I agree up to a point, ultimately you do have to "just do it", but in my experience the change required to go from rabbit in headlights to being able to talk to strangers at the drop of a hat is more involved than thinking "just do it".

I have realised I am socially retarded, and realised that I have always dismissed and/or heavily underestimated the very important value of social skills, developing them only to the point where I could have friends and a girlfriend. This was for various reasons. For example due to not wanting to be manipulative and dishonest because I didn't realise you could have great social skills without being manipulative or dishonest. Also due to expecting my other natural attributes to take me where I wanted to go. So I made a decision to change that. I absorbed the advice on the subject I could find on the internet and the advice given in this thread. I wrote down some ABC stories and decided I would go alone to interesting places and events instead of with my friends. (Thanks thread people )

I was going to do that past Saturday night to a club my friends and I don't usually go to, but as it turns out a friend decided to come with me anyway. Still my plan was going ahead. I was going to go there relaxed, and be comfortable enjoying the music and having a few drinks even if I didn't talk to anyone all night. I think this last part was key in this instance. Not actually expecting to talk to anyone. Just finding a way to be comfortable in a social situation that I wanted to be in. And if I did meet new people then great.

It worked out alright, by being relaxed I was actually able to overcome the usual paralyzing fear, and because I wanted to I managed to talk to plenty of strangers that night. Sure I wasn't very acomplished, in fact I was probably a bit simple, and know I came across as weird to a few people, because my friend was giving me a bit of feedback and said I was flattering people that were known to him a bit much. Honest and generous praise is a habit of mine that I practise appropriately with close friends, but which I guess isn't so appropriate with strangers, however no big deal because I didn't ostracize myself from the scene . But I had a good time, managed to meet a fair few people with positive though not far reaching outcomes, managed to get social practise, and managed to get into the "just do it" zone at least for the night!

I will keep practising my social skills until I become the social butterfly I want to be (though with the difference of remaining loyal to my friends). Cheers.

P.S. I'm going to try the polar bear line someone mentioned in this thread one day when I'm confident enough I've heard it before and never thought much of it but this time I lol'ed at it, probably 'cos I now think it could actually be pulled off.

P.P.S I also need to work on my memory skills to remember people's names much better. I'm shamefully awful at it.

I was home schooled and by that I mean I sat around all day playing video games. I didn't even have the internet. My mother never graduated me and I was forced to get a GED. Despite the fact that I never went to school and never had any type of formal education I graduated in the 99 percentile. Less than 1% of high school graduates scored as high as I did. The only explanation is that it must have been genetic or that video games really make you smarter but I'm doubtful of the later...

EDIT: Congratulations! That's an interesting account. Another theory is that perhaps your brain was still starving for knowledge and you had a pretty much clean slate, and therefore learned it all really efficiently. If that is true then perhaps we overrate the importance of having such a long period of education as most people do. Stick kids in uni from the age of 11 till 15 (so that they have time to develop fundamental skills and the ability to make choices before going to uni) and then let them at the world?

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