The Last Verse

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45 comments, last by JacksonBlair 12 years, 9 months ago
Well you make a Google account, you go to docs.google.com and you make a new page and start writing.

You can then "share" it with people who also have Google accounts. They can view the work, even as you're typing it, and even type on the same page in real time.

When my file got too big I just switched to Pages.
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Oh that's cool :o
Which reminds me... We wrote some short stories just us typing over each other in g-docs. I'm going to post them both in a new thread.
I'll keep an eye out
Moving on with the story.

As Andes and Hart are about to break into a heated argument, an unknown voice calls out from a nearby alleyway.

The leader of an opposing gang, with a large group of teenagers behind him, tells Hart he wants him to give over Andes, because Andes killed one of their members to save Osmond. Despite being outnumbered, Hart declines and a brawl breaks out.

Vegard crawls over to Osmond, who's sitting where Hart dropped him, terrified. Vegard helps him up, and says 'Come on, let's go!' and they start to flee the scene. Before they get out of sight, Osmond looks back and sees Andes being overwhelmed. He quite loyal to Andes for the kindness he's showed them, and he starts to run back. Andes glimpses him running back, yells 'Don't!' before he's punched out. An opposing gang member sees Osmond running to help Andes, and moves to intercept the kid.

Osmond screams 'Leave him alone!' and as the gang member gets closer, Osmond lights him on fire. While the member stops, drops and rolls, Osmond gets closer to Andes, and with Vegards help they beat off his assailants. After a painfully long fight, in which Osmond lights anyone on fire that touches Andes or Osmond, they come out the victors.

After the fight, as they're recovering, Hart finds out one of his friends was stabbed to death. After kneeling at his side, he picks up the ragged bottle of spirits and walks back to Osmond. Osmond reaches out his hand, feeling sorry for Hart, and lights it. Hart turns and hurls the bottle at the house of the adults he came out to get revenge on, and picks his dead friend up. He starts trudging stoically back to the house, and they all follow.

The next morning, they have a burial in the snow behind the gang house.

I think this will be the key point where i skip forward a few weeks, or months. I just want to show their induction into the gang lifestyle, what the people are like, who they're fighting, and the beginning of Osmond & Vegards development.

- - -

I want them to go on with the gang for a few years, eventually stamping out the other gangs, and going big time. They start going 'uptown', and robbing houses, mansions, and Hart starts dealing with grown men in terms of trading weapons and favors.

While they're in the uptown, casing places to break into, they befriend a wealthy kid. They get to see what living prosperously is like, and for the first time in a long time, they start acting like kids again. They play games on the street, soccer (or something similar), snowballs fights. Then this all gets ruined when their friend gets bullied by a group of older wealthy kids. The brothers obviously beat them up, being much more hardened, and their friends parents find out. The kids parents forbid him from seeing the brothers, and they lose their friend.

In terms of the end of their gang life, i have a vague idea.
In the last big gang fight, where Harts gang finally takes over the slums, Osmond finds the girl he liked from the Orphanage in the house they're raiding. When they find her, Vegard, Osmond, and another boy are present. The boy is a bit battle-crazed, and tries to attack the girl straight away, deeming her part of the other gang. Osmond stops him, and when the boy threatens to tell Hart, Vegard pins him to a wall and tells him to keep his mouth shut. The kid is left embarrassed and angry, with Osmond's secret in his hands.

How exactly Osmond manages to convince Hart to let this girl join unscathed is a bit beyond me. I'm not sure if Hart has more respect for them at this point, or if he's afraid of them, or if he's so elated at his victory that he lets it go, and then begins to regret it.

This all paves the way for the big ending.

Osmond, Vegard and the girl, Saga, are walking around, doing whatever. They see a large group of Soldiers gearing up just outside the slums, and as they start to charge in, the trio start running. They've gathered the soldiers are making some sort of assault, and they make haste back to the gang house in order to warn Hart and the others. On their way back, they're intercepted by the same soldier that witnessed their first thievery. Vegard engages him so Osmond and Saga can keep running, and he begins to fight the soldier.

Osmond and the girl make it back to the house, and as Osmond bursts in the front door, he's knocked out from behind with a bottle to the head, and Saga is dragged inside. It seems the boy finally cracked and told Hart that he was threatened and told not to talk, about Saga being part of the opposing gang. Osmond is dragged to the center of the room, bleeding profusely from his head, and Saga is dragged into a by Hart, who has the intention of raping her.

Meanwhile in a back alley somewhere..

Vegard is fighting the soldier valiantly, though he's vastly outmatched. It's at this point Vegard realizes his own power, and as he swings his sword to and fro, his hands ignite briefly. Eventually he's beaten, disarmed, and thrown down. The guard looks down on him briefly, then rushes off to rejoin the group of soldiers.

A confused Vegard rushes back to the gang house, and finds no soldiers have arrived yet. He bursts in the front door, and the first thing he sees is Osmond lying on the floor, quite bloody, with a small group of armed boys standing around him. In a violent rage, Vegard charges forward and maims them one by one. At last, he kneels down beside Osmond, who's still alive, but barely conscious. He whispers 'Help her', and Vegard hears Saga's muffled screams from somewhere in the house. He runs down the hall, bursts into a room, and before Hart registers it, Vegard slashes him across the back, then drops his sword, and beats him to death against the bedroom wall.

He takes Saga and Osmond, and they leave the house and make their way out of the slums. He washes his and Vegards faces with snow, to remove the blood. The details are hazy, but they sneak into a baggage carriage on a train, and leave the city for the first time."

Comments and criticism welcome and appreciated.

Note:
I would post a full draft, but I'm really not entirely sure what happens throughout most of the story. I'm still factoring in the main characters from the other 2 nations, filling in the space between everything, how the Army of Heretics (God followers) comes about, who dies :lol:, and why the epic battle at the end culminates in the ruin of the ancient city, among other things.

Also!
Just bought a Bamboo graphics tablet, here's a rough appearance for the young Osmond. Forgive the terrible drawing. And the fringe. Perhaps he won't have that.
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I'm starting to realize why I'm having trouble with the writing.
Most games I've played tend to focus on a small part of a characters life. It doesn't painstakingly make you play through their childhood, and all the years they weren't fighting monsters or saving the world, etc.

What I'm really trying to focus on is the brothers adult life, with the gang years, and the teenage years afterward (which i haven't yet explained) as a shorter prelude.

I'm thinking of a scenario where Vegard, the older brother, talks about their life to an as of yet unknown character. In between his re-telling of their lives, are the scenes.

Here's what i just came up with.

Vegard is in prison in the city.
He's narrating whats happened in his life to the soldier he fought when he was a teenager.
I see it like this -
Vegards in a dark cell. The stones that form the wall are black, and the only light in the room comes a candle, flickering on a small wooden bench outside the bars.
His feet are shackles on chains to the floor, and his arms back and apart, painfully spreading him across the wall.
A cell door creaks open and shuts, and the sounds of many boots echo through the room.
Vegard looks up slightly, and watches as a soldier opens his cell door, and a group of them trudge into his cell and start taking off his shackles.
He drops to his knees, his arms feeling painfully stretched, and the soldiers leave the cell, and close the door.
He hears a voice, and looks up to see one soldier outside the bars, sitting on the wooden chair accompanying the table.
Then some dialogue happens.

Questions I'm asking myself are.
- Why Vegard is in prison
- Where Osmond is
- Who the soldier is

Here's what I've written beforehand. It's relative, swears.

What i haven't written here is what they do after leaving the city. In short, they get caught after stowing away on the train. They're employed to pay off their tickets, and to keep out of trouble, then given the choice to continue working with the train company or going about their business. They choose the former. One day, the train is attacked as it trains along. A group of bandits rides up beside it, and try to board it. Osmond and Vegard run to the last carriage, which is conveniently just a flat cargo platform with nothing on it. Osmond lets go with a fierce display of Logi power, while Osmond disarms one, steals his sword and begins to fight off the rest. Anyway! After this Osmond wants to return to the city, to learn more about his powers.

Here's where the two join.

This is where Vegard is imprisoned. They return to see the city in the last days of civil war, the one that started just before they escaped the city on the train. This is bit blurry but, they encounter the now young adult, Andes. As they start to reconcile, they're attacked by a group of soldiers. Vegard and Andes start to fight, while Osmond's protests that they can't join a civil war against the city, especially one that looks like it's about to end. Vegard ignores him, and he and Andes keep fighting, until they wound and almost kill a soldier. Suddenly, they're surrounded by a larger group, and taken prisoner.

This has honestly filled in some decent gaps for me. Helps give me a reason for Vegard to finally leave the city, and go about his own story.
I'm thinking Osmond has joined the military, for specific reasons yet to be dreamed up.

Criticism welcome and appreciated.
This is the wrong format for this. I really don't have the energy to read through it personally, but when you have a whole thing, post it in the announcements as a file and I'll read it and advise on a second draft.
Will do.

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