Ok it's like I feel like an insect.I don't know if I really was or wasn't gifted as a child.I'm smarter than most my peers, but I don't really feel exceptional and YET from a young age everyone - parents, teachers, peers kept telling me that I was an absolute genius, gifted, etc.They kept saying that I'm gonna be great, that I'm a sponge that absorbs information, that I'm a living computer?!And yet I never had any achievements, there was never a reason for them to be impressed.I have 0 achievements.But all this changed me in a bad way.It's like I assumed I'm smart and destined to be successful, so I never put any effort in anything.By the age of 19 I couldn't solve a quadratic equation.I only speak 3 languages(unlike actual prodigies who speak 20-40).But my ego is damaged from the childhood of falsely being called a genius...and now I feel like I'm being crushed every time I read about an actual prodigy.Like this guy:
Reading about this guy I have the impression that compared to him the guy from the movie "Limitless" is a retard...and compared to the guy in the movie "Limitless" I am a retard...yeah it's not a really good feeling.It's like I was lied to.I mean when I think about it it's almost INSANE.Every day all sorts of people would compliment me on my intelligence and I had NO achievements whatsoever.No skills, no nothing.My only skill is that I have supreme cognitive empathy - I can almost read peoples minds by the smallest signs of body language, change of tone or facial expressions that most people wouldn't even recognize.I've always had this skill.But it's pretty much useless.The only intelligence type I respect is the mathematical/logical one and it's the one I'm lacking in.I learned all of high school math in 3 weeks(which Sidis would have learned in 1 day) and vector calculus in about 30 hours(which he would learn just by knowing the basics of calculus and vectors and deriving the rest on his own) in order to get into a university with programming and here's what I noticed there:
A lot of people who study something related to tech have the tendency to base their worth on their intellectual abilities and react negatively when proven inferior.
How do you guys feel about this?
I know exactly how you are feeling. I have always had a feeling of peerlessness, yet being hopelessly inferior to everyone above me. It really makes me feel like I have no real talent compared to everyone, despite what everyone says. Somehow, I can't measure up to these people, yet my conversations with friends are too far above their heads. I, too, feel like I have a strong empathetic feeling; it leads to me being a good friend to those I care to keep around by "always knowing exactly what to say", I've never been wrong about determining someone to be a bad person, and I have an annoying hobby of calling out the endings of television programs based on the first couple minutes, and watching them come true, much to everyone else's chagrin.
I wish I had some advice to give, but after many years of relentless depression and frustration, my first appointment with a therapist is in eight days. I am yet in no position to make recommendations, but I might suggest that you do the same.
EDIT: Regarding IQ tests, when I had taken one as a child in my school's "Gifted" program, I apparently scored a 141, and was called a genius for a while. It was hard not to let it feed my ego. Ultimately, I had learned that IQ rating is not an absolute scale and, from what I learned, the scale is based on the overall scoring of the population, and thus my 141 then could be higher or lower now, with my same exact test result. If I am incorrect or misread, then someone feel free to update me on this, but it was all very disillusioning, and I quickly learned that the number is truly meaningless. Besides, they told all of the students that had low scores that IQ didn't matter, it was what you did that was important, so that kind of diminished any good feeling I had.
Edited by Ectara, 22 October 2013 - 11:06 PM.