Goobert's revamped background story
Members - Reputation: 172
Posted 10 December 2013 - 11:00 PM
What beeds to be figured out/added:
How does goobert capture the goos?(previous story was a vacuum, but after you read youll see it doesnt make sense anymore)
The setting is 1700's era, and An evil witch doctor is trying to play god. 10 years ago the only man she ever loved was hanged by the king for thought of piracy and treason, and ever since she has been obsessed with bringing him back and taking vengeance on the spiteful crown.
Cauldron bubbling and spellbook nearly memorized by now, the witch doctor feels she is close. "Blowfish poison!" She exclaims. She reaches for a jar in the far left of the top shelf above her sinister concoction of mischief and greed, and dumps it all into the pot. "Single dose, second life. Double dose, sure to die!" She giggles slightly. Suddenly the mixture boils over and splashes all over the floor and smolders the fire, turning the room pitch black. Candlelight at her side, the witch doctor bends down and examines the brew still bubbling on the floor. A small, gargled cry comes from the bubble, making the witch doctor fly backwards. However her fear immediately turns to excitement. She had created life.
Over the next year she perfected the small blobs, playing with their properties and traits, working out the nitches in her potion so that one day she could bring "him" back. The thought of that moment when they were again in each others arms was overwhelming
In come goobert and stella. A pair of dolls on the top shelf on the left where the jar of blowfish poison was perched so many years ago. Quietly they sat, lifeless and useless. The witch doctor also kept her creations in a sealed jar just to the right of stella. One of the blobs had escaped from its cage and started to wander aimlessly. It had made its way over stella and goobert, and was currently on the corner of the shelf hanging just over the edge. The old nails holding the wood could not bear the weight shift, and gave way knocking goobert, stella, the curious blib, and his fellow abominations into the witches newest stew. The blobs swam around and eventually made it to the edge, leaving the coldroun unharmed and unaffected. The witchdoctor heard the crash and hurried over, finding goos all over the room, goobert and stella floating in the pot. She scoulded herself, and squished several goos, putting the survivors back in their jar and sealing it, this time with a powerful spell. She fished out goobert and stella, and threw them into a corner of the room, disgusted. They were useless to her now. Little did she know, the ragdoll stella and voodoo stringdoll goobert were now very special objects. Being plunged in, The new potion gave them life, awareness, and emotion.
Goobert shivers, and looks around. Never using his body or eyes before, he struggles to even stand. He wanders around, eventually running into stella. He immediately falls in love and, being new to the emotion, loses his breath and passes out. He awakes, and stella is missing. Goobert goes searching and finds her on the edge of a table, admiring the erie green glow from the cauldron. He sits next to her, startling stella. She jumps up and backs away, as goobert attempts to follow. Stella backs up more and trips on a thimble. Gokbert tries to comfort her with a rather forced hug, permanently cementing in stellas mind that goobert is something she wants to stay away from.
Stella attempts to run and goobert grabs her foot, which makes stella cry out. The with doctor hears and rushes in, seeing the scramble from her two discarded misfit toys. She shrieks with joy and grabs stella, a now living ragdoll. "So much closer!" She screams. She opens a jar and throws stella in, then reaches for goobert, who flees and hides underneath the table. "Get bafk here you vile thing!" The witch doctor howls as she throws back the chair in her way and snatches at goobert. Frightened that a giant just swung at him, goobert turns and runs, managing to squeeze into a mousehole. Thus starts his epic adventure to save the one he loves.
That where the game starts haha. What do you think?
Senior Staff - Reputation: 14039
Posted 11 December 2013 - 01:40 AM
Certainly a lot more refined than the previous version -- it seems a lot more stylistically consistent now, with a solid theme and setting, and a good motivation for all of the characters.
Did you have any ideas for a setting/story appropriate replacement for the vacuum from the original story? Perhaps Goobert could manually stuff them into a jar or flask, or maybe given his character make use of some voodoo. Obviously you'll still need something very similar for your proposed game-mechanics to work, unless the story is more important to you and you're willing to change the game mechanic instead.
- Jason Astle-Adams.
Members - Reputation: 172
Posted 11 December 2013 - 06:23 AM
I'm not willing to give up the vacuum, it just is perfect for game mechanics. Maybe the witch doctor makes it, and givee it to a Goo General to capture Goobert with(voodoo magic sucks you up, so anything can be captured into the "device" which is no longer a "vacuum" but still kind of is.) And you must defeat this general to get your weapon?
Then comes the question, do ALL geberals have the vacuum or just this one? Game consistancy would say yes, but in reality I doubt the witch doctor has a thousand vacuums lying around.
Additionally, these are hot off the paper for suction device ideas, I like the last once because it could be considered kind of a vacuum, more of a device. I'll also include some stella mockups because... well.... shes awesome :9
Members - Reputation: 350
Posted 11 December 2013 - 06:51 AM
Coming from a first read, while at first it was a bit shaky it's a thoroughly enjoyable story you've made. I quite like the way you're portraying the characters, I'd suggest you stick to that same format and have Stella constantly seeking to avoid Goobert, it'll allow multiple scenarios where he saves her but she runs away and gets in trouble again (which can be nice to seamlessly change level environments and areas).
There's no need to get complicated in explaining the vacuum, simply relate to it and explain that it manifested when he landed in the pot, being made up of voodoo magic it can consume voodoo magic and use it in various ways. Something like that, simple yet reasonable.
Anyways, keep it up! I'd like to see more updates from you.
If, at any point, what I post is hard to understand, tell me. I am bad at projecting my thoughts into real words, so I appreciate the knowledge that I need to edit my post.
I am not a professional writer, nor a professional game designer. Please, understand that everything you read is simply an opinion of mind and should not, at any point in time, be taken as a credible answer unless validated by others.
I do take brief bouts of disappearance so don't worry if I either don't reply to you or miss certain things. I am quite a lazy fellow.
Members - Reputation: 200
Posted 11 December 2013 - 10:10 AM
Definitely a better fleshed out setup and premise. I really like that you've gone ahead with the voodoo theme rather than trying to fit a generic "aliens conquering the universe" bit into the game. I have a couple thoughts on it. Any of my ideas are free to use or disregard at your behest.
First, in the initial story setup, you mention the witch doctor's past lover that she's trying to bring back. As an idea for her motivation, it's fine. Though if that bit of back story doesn't fit at all into the story you're telling with Goobert, you may just want to leave it out. Say that the witch doctor is experimenting with creating life because, yo, that's what witch doctor's do! Alternatively, the zombified corpse of her former lover (dressed up as a groom?) might make for an excellent callback as a final boss. Again, it's all in how you tell the story and set things up.
As for the vacuum, including it with your current setup is.....rather anachronistic. If we're talking 18th century, how does anyone know how to build a mechanical vacuum? If you're tied to the time period, you might instead make it some sort of voodoo charm with a tube-like shape (maybe made from a snake's skin?). Goobert learns that if he attaches it to a glass jar, it can suck up and blow out things.
Alternatively, if you're move in love with vacuums than you are the time period, here's a twist on the idea. It's modern day. The witch doctor has been alive (through voodoo magic of course) for the past 300+ years but continues to live as if she was still in that time period, hidden away in her swampy shack, playing with creating life. One day, an unfortunate visitor happens upon her home, a man selling door to door cleaning services with his high powered backpack vacuum. The witch doctor takes a liking to the funny little man, shrinks him down into a doll and puts him on a shelf. Goobert discovers him, along with his now tiny vacuum and.... you get the rest.
Lastly, I like the artwork. It has a cool distinct style to it. Look forward to hearing/seeing more.
Members - Reputation: 172
Posted 12 December 2013 - 08:36 AM
I'm gonna take the time period out. Being in modern day gives a LOT more opportunity because I can use items and props from all periods and even some newly discovered items like teleporters(look it up, germans are king).
Since goobert and stella come into play way after the goos come to life, I'm going to make it so a traveling salesman was shrunk with his vacuum and locked away in a jar. A goo got into the jar, and the salesman sucked up the goo. He dies from stsrvation, but he leaves behind a note for the next poor soul that meets the same fate he did.
The goo is a bojncy one, and when gokbert gets in the jsr he reads the note explainjng what haplened, then shoots out the goo and bounces to safety!