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Article - Programming Sucks

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#1 Glass_Knife   Moderators   -  Reputation: 3434

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 10:00 AM

http://stilldrinking.org/programming-sucks

 

Here are some favorites:

 

You are an expert in all these technologies, and that's a good thing, because that expertise let you spend only six hours figuring out what went wrong, as opposed to losing your job. You now have one extra little fact to tuck away in the millions of little facts you have to memorize because so many of the programs you depend on are written by dicks and idiots.

 

The only reason coders' computers work better than non-coders' computers is coders know computers are schizophrenic little children with auto-immune diseases and we don't beat them when they're bad.

 

 


I think, therefore I am. I think? - "George Carlin"
Indie Game Programming

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#2 Glass_Knife   Moderators   -  Reputation: 3434

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 10:05 AM

Here's another one:

#:: ::-| ::-| .-. :||-:: 0-| .-| ::||-| .:|-. :||
open(Q,$0);while(){if(/^#(.*)$/){for(split('-',$1)){$q=0;for(split){s/|
/:.:/xg;s/:/../g;$Q=$_?length:$_;$q+=$q?$Q:$Q*20;}print chr($q);}}}print"n";
#.: ::||-| .||-| :|||-| ::||-| ||-:: :|||-| .:|

According to the author, that program is "two lines of code that parse two lines of embedded comments in the code to read the Mayan numbers representing the individual ASCII characters that make up the magazine title, rendered in 90-degree rotated ASCII art."

That program won a contest, because of course it did.


I think, therefore I am. I think? - "George Carlin"
Indie Game Programming

#3 cadjunkie   Members   -  Reputation: 1272

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 02:43 PM

"It always starts with 'Bro'." So true.



#4 mhagain   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 7431

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 05:29 PM

 

You're all up to date, so that's cool, then everything breaks.

 

Yup.

 

That's all I can say.  Just... "yup".


It appears that the gentleman thought C++ was extremely difficult and he was overjoyed that the machine was absorbing it; he understood that good C++ is difficult but the best C++ is well-nigh unintelligible.


#5 Glass_Knife   Moderators   -  Reputation: 3434

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 06:08 PM

"It always starts with 'Bro'." So true.

 

So many great snippets...  I've been quietly laughing inside now for hours.


I think, therefore I am. I think? - "George Carlin"
Indie Game Programming

#6 Ectara   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 2765

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 09:53 PM

I really thought this article would be anti-engineering satire from reading the quotes, but it actually turned out to be very amusing. I was particularly partial to:

 

Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants.



#7 Servant of the Lord   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 17125

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Posted 30 April 2014 - 10:27 PM

Yet some version of this dynamic wrote every single program you have ever used, banking software, websites, and a ubiquitously used program that was supposed to protect information on the internet but didn't.

 

I'm guessing the second-half of that sentence is a jab at OpenSSL and the Heartbleed bug debacle. happy.png


It's perfectly fine to abbreviate my username to 'Servant' rather than copy+pasting it all the time.

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#8 Ohforf sake   Members   -  Reputation: 1445

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 03:19 AM

I absolutely love the bridge metaphor. Come to think of it, we probably only trust computers, software and the web, because we can't see their inner workings, at least not easily.


If anyone needs more sarcasm, also directed at web technologies, tis is also a very entertaining read:
James Mickens - "To Wash It All Away"

#9 mhagain   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 7431

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 05:26 AM

 

I really thought this article would be anti-engineering satire from reading the quotes, but it actually turned out to be very amusing. I was particularly partial to:

 

Most people don't even know what sysadmins do, but trust me, if they all took a lunch break at the same time they wouldn't make it to the deli before you ran out of bullets protecting your canned goods from roving bands of mutants.

 

 

I do that for a living and believe me, it's not amusing.

 

I still laughed though.


It appears that the gentleman thought C++ was extremely difficult and he was overjoyed that the machine was absorbing it; he understood that good C++ is difficult but the best C++ is well-nigh unintelligible.


#10 Tutorial Doctor   Members   -  Reputation: 1406

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Posted 01 May 2014 - 10:44 AM

I think I am officially convinced that programming is not my thing, or at least have confirmed my doubt that super programmers have all of the answers, as pertains to all things programming.

I've always wondered what the end goal of it all is, and what all of these companies are working towards. The last paragraph after the rant makes it pretty clear.

They call me the Tutorial Doctor.


#11 Ectara   Crossbones+   -  Reputation: 2765

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Posted 03 May 2014 - 07:33 AM


I do that for a living and believe me

Cool







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