I Need help making this story better!

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0 comments, last by desertfoxer 22 years, 2 months ago
PLEASE HELP ME MAKE THIS STORY BETTER! This story is still being worked on but, I do have some rough ideas. This is a FPS set in the future in our galaxy. You play as a Mercenary, part of the Ghost Mercs. The year was 2101 when humans first encountered the alien race Rachian. The Rachians approached the "President" of Earth and proposed a deal; they would help us develop our technology if we in exchange gave them access to an all too plentiful natural resource (Blank), which they need for (Blank). Both the Rachians and Earth wanted to explore the planets in our galaxy so they designed the Galactic Guard, a force of Rachian''s and humans dedicated to keeping the galaxy peaceful & exploring the moons & planets of our galaxy. They also established outposts, colonies and spaceports throughout the galaxy. Since the unification of all the countries of the world in 2050 the civilians of earth had no use for weapons. They designed a treaty that banned all civilian use/ownership of weapons. All weapons were stowed away in vast underground vaults throughout the world. The weapon treaty was reinforced when the Rachians were first contacted (some humans didn''t trust them or were scared by their power). To calm civilian fears the Earth Defense Force was brought into service. This new army numbering around 100 million was a mix of humans and battle androids; their main purpose being to protect earth against all invaders. With the Huratia encounter on October 9, 2156; came new fears of invasion. The weapon vaults were looted and panic was rampant throughout Earth. The Huratian''s (who were looking for (Blank) and human slaves to man their mines) decided to invade Earth rather than negotiate. They started with an all out bombing campaign on December 17, 2156 and after 3 months of continual bombing began their invasion. The Huratian soldiers landed on February 10, 2157 counting on little human resistance, what they got was a combined defense force of E.D.F. and G.G. soldiers willing to fight to the death. These 250 million humans, Racians and androids fought for 4 long months holding off the massive Huratia invasion, helping over 9.5 billion humans/Rachians flee Earth. These human refugees ended up on the many spaceships throughout the galaxy, moon bases, Mars and the on remote Pluto outpost. The war has been going on for about 60 years now and not much has changed neither side ready to make a large scale attack. The Huratia have been harvesting (Blank) from Earth while humans and Rachians have been gathering the small amounts found on other planets. We have a large force but, we have out dated equipment, limited resources and our military numbers are not significant enough to mount a full scale attack. This is where the Ghost Mercenaries come in; the Ghost Mercs are a veteran group of Mercenaries who the E.D.F. and G.G. look to for support (and to do their dirty work). The Ghost Mercs are given all sorts of jobs, assassinations, robberies, beatings, kidnappings, fighting in battles, covert operations, sabotaging etc... Galactic Armies/Races Earth Defense Force or E.D.F. (Old Human Army, now works with G.G. & Rachian''s) Galactic Guard or G.G. (Human/Rachian Combined Defense Force) Huratia (Invaders of Earth) Ghost Mercenaries or Ghost Mercs (Combination of Humans and Aliens, working with G.G. and E.D.F.) Rachian (Aliens Earth''s Allies) Red Knights (Human Rebels sided with and supplied by the Huratia) Humans Desert Fox, Ian Cheshire "Don''''t fight a battle if you don''''t gain anything by winning" -Erwin Rommel
Desert Fox,Ian Cheshire"Don''t fight a battle if you don''t gain anything by winning" -Erwin Rommel
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It''s not clear what you want help with. However I don''t see how the Huratia can send a force to earth that can defeat a 250 million strong army. Even using star-gates this is a major credibility problem.

Also why are the Huratia only concentrating on Earth. If there are resources they want on Mars why don''t they go there - and elsewhere in our solar system as well?

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