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Orsony

Member Since 21 Jun 2011
Offline Last Active Dec 07 2011 04:24 PM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: Your current or recent writing projects?

20 October 2011 - 04:09 AM

What I meant was:
He gives them the powers when he creates them, but his sons are pissed at him for doing it. So he sets the humans a trial, to show their worth. Those who failed, lost the power.

In Topic: Your current or recent writing projects?

12 October 2011 - 09:42 PM

Nothing really complete. This is only a small part, and I'm constantly re-writing and adding bits :lol:
Also still defining the culture of the first society, based on my own. Taking a lot of dramatic elements out and replacing them with more likely events.
Also writing back story that explains the key characters personalities.

The history of the story is a little better now, not being so steeped in B.S. (ex. ancient technology of the past). I thought the new actions of the gods felt similarly archaic to a lot of those in mythology.

A brief look -
- Forn creates the new human race, and gives them the powers of his sons. Logi, Kari and Ogir are beset with anger at their fathers actions and threaten to destroy this race as they did the last. So Forn sets a trial for the new race, and deems only those that pass it will have the powers of his sons.

From the past he awakes an ancient evil, or, 'the modern man'. The man, called Gabriel, was imprisoned deep underground for crimes against his own. When the man is released and makes it to the surface, he's surprised to see a new world, and a primitive race before him. Even greater was his surprise at their apparent power to bend fire, wind and water to their will.

Later in the history of the world, people would say that Forn walked among their kind and taught them language, the directions, the stars, etc. This was a lie, built over the war which Gabriel brang about. Gabriel himself was immortal, supremely advanced by his bodily technology. Over many years, the primitive kin of Forn grew smarter and smarter, advancing astronomically quickly under his tutelage.

Eventually, he deemed to introduce them to the 'machine god'. The entity that built towers of light, and eradicated suffering. Within the primitive constraints of the new world, Gabriel created as best as possible the most basic of revolutionary inventions. In leaps and bounds they advanced, but their powers became more and more obsolete, and some became concerned.

As the new race was born with this power, it was easy to take it for granted. Being shepherded by an established and smart human, they'd never worshiped or understood how they could effortlessly produce this 'magic' that Gabriel's inventions had taken years to produce. Some shied away from the quickly evolving tech, and turned back to the reassuring basics. They were ignored for the most part, but not unnoticed.

And that's about as far as I can write in certainty : P As usual, they eventually war, those faithful to Forn win, and the rest and cursed to be without the power forever.

In Topic: Your current or recent writing projects?

12 October 2011 - 07:05 AM

I'm still writing the Last Verse. Spent most of the time writing and re-writing the opening sequences, and trying to explain things that can't be explained.

Getting better though : D

In Topic: The Last Verse

04 July 2011 - 05:48 AM

Will do.

In Topic: The Last Verse

04 July 2011 - 04:15 AM

I'm starting to realize why I'm having trouble with the writing.
Most games I've played tend to focus on a small part of a characters life. It doesn't painstakingly make you play through their childhood, and all the years they weren't fighting monsters or saving the world, etc.

What I'm really trying to focus on is the brothers adult life, with the gang years, and the teenage years afterward (which i haven't yet explained) as a shorter prelude.

I'm thinking of a scenario where Vegard, the older brother, talks about their life to an as of yet unknown character. In between his re-telling of their lives, are the scenes.

Here's what i just came up with.

Vegard is in prison in the city.
He's narrating whats happened in his life to the soldier he fought when he was a teenager.
I see it like this -
Vegards in a dark cell. The stones that form the wall are black, and the only light in the room comes a candle, flickering on a small wooden bench outside the bars.
His feet are shackles on chains to the floor, and his arms back and apart, painfully spreading him across the wall.
A cell door creaks open and shuts, and the sounds of many boots echo through the room.
Vegard looks up slightly, and watches as a soldier opens his cell door, and a group of them trudge into his cell and start taking off his shackles.
He drops to his knees, his arms feeling painfully stretched, and the soldiers leave the cell, and close the door.
He hears a voice, and looks up to see one soldier outside the bars, sitting on the wooden chair accompanying the table.
Then some dialogue happens.

Questions I'm asking myself are.
- Why Vegard is in prison
- Where Osmond is
- Who the soldier is

Here's what I've written beforehand. It's relative, swears.

What i haven't written here is what they do after leaving the city. In short, they get caught after stowing away on the train. They're employed to pay off their tickets, and to keep out of trouble, then given the choice to continue working with the train company or going about their business. They choose the former. One day, the train is attacked as it trains along. A group of bandits rides up beside it, and try to board it. Osmond and Vegard run to the last carriage, which is conveniently just a flat cargo platform with nothing on it. Osmond lets go with a fierce display of Logi power, while Osmond disarms one, steals his sword and begins to fight off the rest. Anyway! After this Osmond wants to return to the city, to learn more about his powers.

Here's where the two join.

This is where Vegard is imprisoned. They return to see the city in the last days of civil war, the one that started just before they escaped the city on the train. This is bit blurry but, they encounter the now young adult, Andes. As they start to reconcile, they're attacked by a group of soldiers. Vegard and Andes start to fight, while Osmond's protests that they can't join a civil war against the city, especially one that looks like it's about to end. Vegard ignores him, and he and Andes keep fighting, until they wound and almost kill a soldier. Suddenly, they're surrounded by a larger group, and taken prisoner.

This has honestly filled in some decent gaps for me. Helps give me a reason for Vegard to finally leave the city, and go about his own story.
I'm thinking Osmond has joined the military, for specific reasons yet to be dreamed up.

Criticism welcome and appreciated.

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