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Aluthreney

Member Since 28 Jul 2011
Offline Last Active Apr 05 2014 05:36 PM

#5001592 please critique my story

Posted by Aluthreney on 16 November 2012 - 12:01 PM

Hello there!

Your story seems like it has potential, but there are some aspects that seem like they need improvement.
I'm no professional writer, but I've come to believe that if you jump into the action right from the beginning it's make you story seem rushed and poorly executed. An example of this, in your story, is how you start it by making the vampire awaken, hear explosions and "jump" out of the coffin.
To me this just feels like it was rushed. According to your story, this vampire has been asleep for hundreds of years. Therefore, it would seem a bit unrealistic if he suddenly woke up and sprung out of the coffin like a jack in a box. Why not add some description/narrative between him waking up and getting out of the coffin? Maybe he has a headache? Or maybe he tries to identify the sounds of explosion before venturing outside the safety of his coffin.
The rest of the story seems alright, but imho vampirism is an excessively used theme these days and even though many people blame it on Twilight, I think the real problem began afterwards. I read the Twilight books and liked them. The problem was the thousands upon thousands of copy cat titles that came pouring into bookstores. My point here is: If your going to put vampires in your story then add something new.
One last thing: You have some serious typos and grammar problems. You should fix them.

Sorry for being so blunt on the last one, but I just finished work and can't wait to get home.

AluPosted Image


#5000218 I'd like to see games made around the following plot

Posted by Aluthreney on 12 November 2012 - 06:53 AM

Law enforcement is great and all, my younger brother is a cop, but they can't always be counted upon to respond quickly enough, or even at all in the case of a widespread or long-lasting emergency situation.


What we need is Batman Posted Image

My personal opinion on all of this: Guns are stupid, I like swords better Posted Image


#4900314 Not sure how to get into C++

Posted by Aluthreney on 07 January 2012 - 05:41 AM

I recommend you start learning the C programming language first since C++ is an "extension" of C that allows you to program with classes/objects. Basically, if you learn basic/intermediate C it will be a lot easier to learn C++.

When you do start learning C++ I recommend you get the book: Teach Yourself C++ in 21 Days. Even though this book is highly criticized due to its title, it has a wealth of information from cover to cover (literally, the inside portions of the covers have information on programming), it's easy to understand and the best part is that the book won't spontaneously explode after 21 days which means you don't have to follow the book's schedule (I personally recommend you not to follow the books schedule).


#4896789 My first ever render

Posted by Aluthreney on 23 December 2011 - 05:38 AM

Your model looks good to me, but there is one thing that's looks wrong however it could just be from the perpective of the image. The bottom of the touchpad looks like it was cut off from the rest of the computer.

What application did you ue to make your model?


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