I'd like to be critiqued on my use of dreams and memories in a game I'm working on. Below is one of the primary memories I intend to use throughout the game, what are your thoughts?
The focus of the dream is the protagonist’s daughter, Hope, who is slightly swinging on the only remaining swing. It’s obvious that she hasn’t yet learned how to swing herself. The player can hear her giggling as she yells, “Push me high, Daddy! Pleeease!”
The player controls Justas and may go and speak to any of the characters in the scene (using the action button). Each will be amiable and have short nothings to converse about. Some parents may even thank him for fixing up ‘the old park’. But the primary role of the dream will be the memory of the interaction between Justas and Hope.
The player can move Justas behind Hope and use the action button to push her on the swing. Her giggles will increase the higher she is pushed. And if he misses, her swing hits him [stopping the swinging process] and she says, “Daddy… that hurt…” to which he’ll reply, “I’m sorry, Hope. Daddy should pay more attention, shouldn’t he?” The player may then restart the swinging process.
This memory/dream sequence will end after five successful swinging actions; or, alternatively, by pressing the cancel button at any time.
As the game progresses, small parts of the sequence are removed. At first it’s nothing large and should go mostly unnoticed by the player (maybe a bird here or there). But as time goes on more of the sequence is removed and it becomes completely noticeable that this sequence is not the same as the original. Justas has begun forgetting pieces of the memory… This is a very sore topic for Justas.
If too much time goes by without successfully completing the game the memory/dream sequence setting changes. Dark clouds cover the sun and the park remains completely empty except for Justas who stands staring at an empty swing. At this point, the player can sit in the swing (by using the action button) and Justas will rock back and forth and say, “This isn’t right… Where is Hope?” This will end the memory/dream sequence.