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AspireAN

Member Since 18 Jan 2013
Offline Last Active Feb 24 2013 12:50 PM

#5030820 Gauging interest in design - WAKE: Evolution through Extinction

Posted by AspireAN on 10 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

Hi there, everyone!

 

I wanted to gauge any interest, design ideas, compliments or criticism, that people might have about this story and design for WAKE.

 

I have delete the story in this post to make this post shorter and easier to read. To read the story about WAKE, please visit this link: WAKE Storyline

 

If I were to describe WAKE in one sentence of descriptors, it would be: Mass Effect meets I Am Legend meets Singularity (Video Game) meets Life After People (History Channel Show).

 

Here is a the demo's play-out. I hope this gives a good idea of how the game progresses, and the story too. 
 
 
 
 

WAKE:

Evolution through Extinction

 

 

 

Scene 1 (INTRO)


Characters: Assumed to be “ThePlayer", Duffy, and Ziggy in every scene, until otherwise noted.

Items of Interest (IOI): Journal

Puzzles: None
Hidden Object Games (HOG):None

 

Goal:

-The player meets Ziggy and Duffy after waking from hyper-sleep.


Possible actions:

-Player can collect IOI journal

-Player can continue onto the next section

 

Notes:

-A journal can be collected next to a skeleton in a broken hyper-space
pod. The journal reads:

 

“Something is trying to break in: I’ve got no clue what it is. The door
seems sturdy enough, but there’s no food or water in here. I’m trapped, and the
only way out seems to be to sleep through this nightmare. The sign on the wall
says ‘stasis’, and there are a couple people in these pods. It all seems
remarkably straightforward, but I still pray that I am calibrating my pod
correctly. I don’t want to die.

 

Scene 2 (“Letting it all sink in”)


Items of Interest (IOI): Yes– via HOG

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games (HOG): Yes



Goal:

-Leave the hyper-stasis room and see what the outside world has become.


Possible actions:

-HOG

-Player can talk to Ziggy and Duffy to learn more about them and what

 

they have seen on Earth so far

-Player can continue to the next section once specific items have been

collected that will aid in exploration


Notes:

- HOG, where the player collects various objects from a scene that has

alien tools and devices from the expedition team. The expedition team has
collected some trinkets, odds, and ends, that they have stored here that adds
to the scene


Scene 3 (“Had to see it with my own two eyes”)


Items of Interest (IOI): Time
Capsule via HOG

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games (HOG):  Yes



Goal:

-Rummage through the debris and pick up the time capsule, before
proceeding.


Possible actions:

-HOG

-After time capsule is recovered during HOG, player can proceed to the
next area


Notes:

-The HOG has several items that appear to have recently fallen out of a
busted time capsule. The player must find a vial with a note, among other items
(including a cell phone), before proceeding. The note reads;

 

“Hello from Westfall Elementary class of 2024. We are excited to leave
for you a few original drawings and writings from our students, and a small
stash of our time’s precious technology. It is our hope that the creativity of
our class will inspire whoever should find this, and that the technology will
leave you in awe of the progress of mankind. The world you see before you now
is thanks, in no small part, to the students of 2024.”

Duffy expresses interest in the phone, telling you to hold on to it. It
will offer a vital interface with human technology that may be encountered. He
uses his scanner to reprogram and configure the phone and hands it back to the
player.

 

 

Scene 4 (“Put a fork in it”)

 

*Area splits into three paths; easy, medium, and hard. The Demo has a
set path*

 

 

Items of Interest (IOI): No

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games (HOG):  No

 

Goal:

-Choose a path; easy, medium, or hard. In the demo, the player will be

taking the medium route (streets).


Possible actions to achieve
goal:

-Player can proceed to the next area

 

Notes:

-None


Scene 5 (“Paleontology is not my strong suit”)


*Area is a HUB for several side locations that are of importance in
completing the puzzle in this scene*

 

Items of Interest (IOI): Yes

Puzzles: Yes

Hidden Object Games:  No


Goal:

-The incomplete skeleton of some massive creature lies in a bed of
wires. Somehow, the wires are still electrified. That mystery is secondary to
finding a way to cross. To complete the puzzle, the player must complete the
skeleton to crawl over it and reach the other side of the electrified ground.

 

Possible actions to achieve
goal:

-Proceed to side-scenes where bones can be collected to complete the
skeleton

-Player can explore a derelict combat tank, and a makeshift shelter for
refugees

-Player can proceed to the next area when the skeleton is complete


Notes:

-The pieces of the skeleton must be found. Using a multi-purpose device
of Duffy’s the player can attach magnets to these pieces and place them into
the skeleton from a safe distance. With all of the pieces collected and
attached, the player can cross the electrified bed and reach the other side.

-The IOI’s in this scene are bones hidden within the landscape


Scene4a (“Tanks for the memories”)

 

Items of Interest (IOI): Yes

 

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games:  Yes

 

Goal:

-The tank hatch is sealed, but unlocked. The player must open the top
and look inside. The light shines in, revealing an array of items. The player
must find the bones in this section, and return to Scene 4.


Possible actions to achieve
goal:

-Player can examine the national emblem on the tank by clearing mold
and dirt

-Player can engage in HOG

-Player can return to Scene 4

 

Notes:

-One IOI is the emblem on the tank. When the player cleans it off, they
discover that the tank has the flag of Britain on it. Yet, the marquee in Scene
4b states that this location is in America.

-The other IOI’s in this scene are several bones hidden in the tank or
the landscape outside of the tank.


Scene 4b (“Help never came”)


Items of Interest (IOI): Yes

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games:  Yes


Goal:

-Find bones in refugee structure via the HOG and landscape around it.
Then return to Scene 4.


Possible actions:

-Player can interact with an IOI, which is a marquee that has fallen
from a wall, and lies on the floor.

-Player can interact with an IOI, which is a message scrawled on the
wall of the shelter.

-Player can search the scene for additional bones

-Player can engage in HOG to discover more bones

-Player can return to Scene 4

 

Notes:

-One IOI is an old marquee lying on the ground. A message is faintly
burned into the marquee from prolonged use. It reads, “Breaking News: Chaos as”.
With the message cut off, Duffy tells the player that he can use the repurposed
cell phone to wirelessly interface with the device. The phone can use this
interface to translate the data stored into the text that once flashed on this
marquee screen. It reads, “Breaking News: Chaos as the government of our United
States has officially dissolves into a state of martial law. All remaining citizens
are advised to flee high density population areas.”

-Another IOI is a message scrawled on the wall; “Jen Barrister (Heart +
“4ever”) Desmond. I have to get the children to safety. Find us. You know how
to follow the bread crumbs. Remember, I love you!

-The other IOI’s in this scene are several bones hidden the HOG and
shop



===========================================================

**With all pieces of the skeleton found, the player can arrange them to
complete the skeleton and continue on**

============================================================
 

Scene 5 (“Let there be light”)


Items of Interest (IOI): Yes

Puzzles: Yes

Hidden Object Games:  Yes



Goal:

-A large metal door is blocking your progress. The player must find a
way around it to continue.


Possible actions:

-Player can interact with several solar panels

-Player can interact with a tin roof that casts a shadow over the solar
panels

-Player can interact with an old, but seemingly functional generator
near the large door

-Player can proceed to a side-area (Scene 5a)
-Player can formulate a solution to the puzzle, which would open the

door and allow the player to continue on in their search for answers


Notes:

-The player can choose several interactions with each solar panel. Only
one does anything that helps the player solve the puzzle, which is cleaning the
solar panels off.

-The player will only receive a message when interacting with the tin
roof. “This roof looks thin, but too sturdy to pull down. It’s casting a shadow
over these solar panels.” The player, remembering the all-purpose tool of Duffy’s,
may note that the tool shot the magnets out at a reasonable velocity. The
player can talk to Duffy about this tool, and discuss the velocity of the
magnets. This will lead the player to being able to ask if the tool could punch
holes through the tin roof covering the solar panels. Duffy will allow the
player to use the tool to punch holes in the roof, allowing rays of light to
fall on the solar panels.


This will allow the solar panels to charge the generator. The generator
powers up, but does not seem to open the door. Duffy notices that a connector
is a converter is busted at the base of the generator. A new converter can be
found in the nearby HOG. With this converter, the door can be opened. The generator
needs to be interfaced with, via the phone that the player is carrying. With
the door open, the player can proceed into the building.



Scene 5 (“Desmond’s Pawn Shop”)

 

Items of Interest (IOI): Yes

Puzzles: No

Hidden Object Games:  Yes

 

Goal:

-Explore this scene for anything of interest.

 

Possible actions:

-The player can explore this shop

-The player can interact with various items

 

-The player can interact with a Painting to get a clue

-The player can explore a HOG in this scene to receive a critical item
(converter)

-The player can return to Scene 5


Notes:


-An IOI can be found in the HOG in this scene (converter).


-The painting is an IOI that, when interacted with, shows that the
artist is “Jennifer Barrister”. The player can also flip the painting around
for a message that reads; “I knew you’d come looking for answers here first, in
your shop. Find the place where the two lines converge. The place we parted
every morning and reunited every evening. There lies a room with a key pad
lock. The code is simple, but only you could know it. Remember what you said to
me when you decided to open the shop here in Astoria? You said, “Location,
location, location.” Turn the painting back when you are done. I don’t want
someone… or something following you.

 

 

 

 

END OF DEMO

 

 

 

 

So - do you like it?

 

Let me know if you'd like additional information, or what you think about the potential of a project like this! I am open to anything, be it interest in helping, or just thoughts and opinions. PM me or reply in this thread. Thanks!




#5023558 Criticism on Dialogue

Posted by AspireAN on 20 January 2013 - 12:17 PM

Hah! Very creative concept. I like the twist on amnesia and how to fix it. Instead of just letting memories come to you when they happen to, the game revolves around someone actually going in a journey through their mind to retrieve them. Cool :D

 

I quoted your dialogue sample and will put notes in red edits within the quote. I minored in creative writing, so I hope that I am of use here. Despite minoring in the art, I am not perfect; far from it. So don't take my edits as law (not that you would anyway).

 

Kaiser: "Old man [Player]?! This night is full of surprises!" Should be a comma between "Old Man" and "[Player]" unless your name is literally Old Man Johnson or what not.
 
Proth: "Quiet down you brute! This does not sound like a reasonable response to what Kaiser just said at all. The object of us meeting here is to avoid detection, believe it or not."
 
Mesrae: "No need to worry about that, Proth. Marc did well choosing this location. Did well "in" choosing this location OR a semicolon in its place seems like correct structure. You'd have difficulty spotting it with the sun beaming down on us at high noon." So it is easy to spot at night, then?
 
Kaiser: "Exactly. So keep your beard on, O' ancient one. Obviously analogous to "keep your pants on". Doesn't feel authentic, but that is just my opinion. The worse harm my beautiful voice can do is help my fellow Glory men find their way to this infernal camp." None of this sentence sounded right or made any sense to me.
 
Jaxl: "Help is putting it lightly. It's more like setting a vocal beacon." I am now lost.
 
Mesrae: "Oh ho? And what say you to that Kaiser?" Was that previous comment a joke or insult?
 
Vincent: "A mouthful I wager."
 
[The men laugh]
 
Kaiser: "A man offer's a helping hand and is ridiculed. Ungrateful lot..."
 
[From the front of the tent, Marc enters. Jaxl, sitting, sprouts to his feet]
 
Jaxl: "Welcome, Sir Dolov!"
 
Kaiser: "Sit down, boy! Damned over-eager pup." 
 
[Jaxl sits down as Marc chuckles]
 
Marc: "Be mindful, Kaiser. He is young after all. From stories I've heard, you both share similar qualities."
 
Proth: "That indeed, as I recall. Reckless to the bone. Reminiscent of a certain someone that we all are here to profoundly discuss." 
 
Marc: "Aye, and I shall not waste your time. But, before I begin, I wish to thank you all for your gratuitous attendance. I know that what I have discussed with each of you individually is a dicey subject that places us in a dangerous position." Wait, so Kaiser shares qualities with Jaxl or Marc?
 
Mesrae: "Too dangerous for Jamasen, I assume?"
 
[Marc hesitates]
 
Marc: "I fear Jamasen would not have complied with my ideals. In fact, had I been straightforward, I'm positive he'd have slain me where I stood. It is best that what we discuss here is not shared with him."
 
Jaxl: "If he is not our ally, then he will become our enemy."
 
[The Player]: "Let us deal with that when the time comes."
 
Marc: "Seconded. Our top priority is this war, and I shepherd you all here with the affirmation that you wish to see it abated and dismantled as soon as possible.
 
[The men shake/nod there heads. Or say aye. Some form of annunciation towards the question]
 
Marc: "Well I stand here to say that, with Vincent's aid, a way has been discovered."
 
[Marc places a parchment on the table in front of him]
 
Marc: "This here is an edict from the King of Alfina. A proposal for peace."
 
[Kaiser bursts out laughing.]
 
Kaiser: "An Edict from the King? Of Alfina? You can't possibly expect us to believe that."
 
Proth: "For once, I agree with Kaiser. The Alfinites destroy any letters sent from the Einstad kingdom. Which means..."
 
[The Player]: ".... you would have met him in person."
 
[Jaxl jumps to his feet]
 
Jaxl: "You're telling me you two waltzed into Alfina territory unprotected?!" 
 
Marc: "Now, now, trust that we understood that there were many things at stake, an-"
 
Mesrae: "Many things? I am not sure you realize the turmoil we'd have been in had both your bodies returned in a coffin. How could you possibly have done something as brash as this without consulting us first?!"
 
Vincent: "Because of the current reactions on display! This is stilted/doesn't feel natural.
 
[Vincent stands to his feet beside Mesrae]
 
Vincent: Had we placed this on the table for discussion, it would have set fire in an instant. If you wish to blame anyone, blame me. I convinced Marc to execute the plan, so belay saturating us in your misgivings. Also stilted. What's done is done. I was certain that the King's audience was ours once we offered ourselves, two of the most important assets of Einstad's military, to his front gates. Believe me comma men, he did, Delete comma and add ellipses or semi-colon and there lies the proof.
 
[Marc slides the parchment into the middle of the table]
 
Marc: [The Player], I want you to open this. Vincent and I already know what its contents hold. But, to ensure trust among us, I wish for you to read it aloud. Though I doubt nary of us would question your honesty and truthfulness, I offer the floor to any man who objects. 
 
[The room stays silent. The player reaches forward and takes the parchment in his hands. He opens the letter, and unfolds it]
 
I, Halberg Alfina, issue this edict of peace on behalf of Marc Dolov and Vincent Hamric, Strategists and Court Advisors of Einstad. Upon the completion of the tasks listed below, the Kingdom of Alfina will document Einstad's position in the war as that of surrender, and will allow the retreat of the Einstad militia without chase, as well as the emancipation of Einstad captives.
 
The Kingdom of Einstad's position of surrender will be noted upon the assassination, and delivery, of Keiv Einstad, Tulrek Einstad, and Eman Einstad. Upon delivery of the three bodies, two court officials of Alfina must be stationed in Einstad. These officials are to be present at every high court meeting, sending letters to Halberg and the Alfina court until Einstad is no longer considered a threat. Only King Halberg possesses the auhority to retrieve the two court officials. Failure to deliver the bodies or to deliver weekly letters to the King will result in a cancelation of the edict, giving Halberg Alfina no choice but to infiltrate and overthrow Einstad."
 
 
[The player places the parchment on the table. There is a stale silence. It is shattered by Kaiser, who slams his fist upon the table, making the latern jump ] lantern
 
Kaiser: "Damnit, I... I say we do it. We have too much at stake now. Our homes, our families... With the King gone, an opportunity for reconstruction surfaces with us, the Glory 8, at the helm." Surfaces is not a particularly strong word choice.
 
Proth: "Wait a minute. How can we turn on our King so quickly? Albeit the war a rash change of heart, the King's intentions are pure." 
 
Mesrae: "Dear Mage, naivety is not your color." How is naivety a color? Also, is he writing a letter to him? "Dear Mage" doesn't really sound strong. Maybe "My dear mage" or something else entirely.
 
[Proth gasps, insulted]
 
Marc: "Proth, your knowledge of the King far exceeds that of any person sitting at this table. Can you look us in the eye, with an unwavering conscious, and say that our King will walk a changed man if we win this war?"
 
[Proth's demeanor slowly sinks to contempt and disappointment]
 
Proth: "... Nay. But as his followers, we are to see him to the end, are we not?"
 
Jaxl: "I fight for the just, kind-hearted, and respectable. I refuse to give my life for a man crippled by greed."
 
Kaiser: "... and irresponsibility. The King plans to make this a numbers game by sending out hoards of soldiers until Alfina has nothing left. Babes, men. He's sending babes. Boys with barely a hair on their armpits let alone their manhoods. I would try to come up with a different word for this, since Manhood is a modern term for junk in the trunk. If this is what must be done to ensure our future, no, our children's safety, then so be it. "
 
[Marc turns his gaze to Kaiser]
 
Marc: "So I have your arm then, Kaiser? You will assist me in the coup d'etat of Keiv Einstad, to support me in saving our dying nation?"
 
Kaiser: "Yes. I, Kaiser Shic, offer my arm to you, Marc Dolov."
 
[Marc turns to Proth]
 
Marc: Proth?
 
[Proth hesitates for a second]
 
Proth: I, Proth Estin, offer my arm as well."
 
Marc: "Ja-"
 
Jaxl: "I offer my arm, legs and lance to you, Marc Dolov."
 
[Kaiser rolls his eyes]
 
Marc: "Mesrae?"
 
Mesrae: "My arm is yours, brother."
 
Marc: "[The Player]?"
 
[The player sits silently, and the screen slowly fades out]
 
~~~~~~~
A huge thanks to anyone who leaves feedback. I realize that I am asking you to read a good deal.
 

 

Overall, the dialogue is somewhat hard to follow exactly, but I have a fair sense of what is going on. Some of it seems to be fairly strong dialogue, but some of it is definitely stilted. Often, your word choice in certain situations, is what makes the exchange suffer (in my opinion).


But you have a strong draft. Good job, and I love the idea.




#5022985 All Kinds of Advice Welcome: "WAKE - Evolution through Extinction"

Posted by AspireAN on 18 January 2013 - 03:07 PM

Hello guys and gals!


I am developing a story that I conceptualized long ago, and am looking for any and all criticism or ideas that would help strengthen the plot, characters, etc. It is essentially, Mass Effect meets I Am Legend meets Singularity meets Life After People.


This is merely a synopsis and not a fleshed out story (Which I am working on in the form of a screenplay/game script), but it conveys the main characters, their struggles, their goals, and the main story line.

 

Thanks ahead of time for all constructive criticism and pointers/ideas.


Here is the synopsis of WAKE: Evolution Through Extinction:

 

 

 

Synopsis:


You are awakened from a hyper-stasis chamber by an alien expedition team. Your chamber is among the debris of a severely degraded structure. A power source, not unlike a battery, has kept the stasis operational for five hundred years and likely would have for another five hundred.


The aliens pull you from the chamber. It appears, oddly enough, that they are speaking your language. They have a translation device that scanned your mind and is altering and translating your perception of their sounds into English, as long as you are in range of the signal.


The prolonged slumber in stasis has degraded several memories. You remember your first name (Entered by the user) and you remember a reasonable amount about humanity at the time, but most of your personal memories that are attached to emotions seem to have been lost. The aliens confirm this through neural scans, but they suggest that the effects are not necessarily permanent.


The aliens are extremely excited over their discovery of you. When you ask why, they say that all appearances suggest that humanity went extinct around five hundred years ago, when you likely entered stasis. We are the only intelligent life they have found in the Milky Way.


“Ziggy”, an emotional alien, seems to grow an instant attachment and fondness for you. “Duffy” (Ziggy’s partner in life, and an associate on this small expedition team), is a dry and blunt, but helpful, alien. In anticipation of answering their own questions and empathy towards offering closure for you, they decide to discover the cause of humanity’s end.


You find snippets of vague information – preserved newspapers and recordings - in the ruins of the nearby city.


These details start off vague but eventually indicate a spreading disaster; something one would expect from a high-level extinction event. But the details of the extinction still elude you, and one thing is clear; the extinction event was not over in an instant. People suffered.


Without warning, you come under attack from a mutated creature. You are knocked unconscious, but your friends save you. They inform you that they have examined the creature they have killed. They show you an image of what you remember is a raccoon. They explain that the creature mutated from this, and is entirely made up of cancerous tissue. A contagion is isolated. The results indicate that a rogue nanite is the culprit behind the mutations and you now have them replicating in your blood stream.


Time is limited as you continue exploration, with finding more answers about this plague being your only hope at finding a cure. You discover that the nanites, created by “Ashland Nanotech”, were originally created to cure cancer, which would alter DNA to remove or repair “onco genes” (genes that lead to or cause cancer). They were soon used as an augmentation to our immune systems.


Somehow they changed – maybe evolved.


Normal EMP’s and chemicals would have no effect of the nanites without killing the host. In your search for answers, you learn that the only way to destroy the nanites is to activate a special nanite control/purge core built at the Ashland Nanotech Facility.

 

Ziggy and Duffy decide that the only way this disease can be eliminated is to prevent its creation via a time portal. But these portals are highly illegal among their species. The penalty of trying to use one, without legal authority, is death. The aliens believe there is limited proof that going back in time can change the present. Some speculate that your destination is an alternate universe. Despite the uncertainty, no unapproved experimentation is permitted.

 

Ziggy and Duffy are part of a larger scientific expedition that carries the technology necessary to create a portal. Risking their lives for you, they obtain the device. This is all they can do for you, and finding out how to get to the purge core and activate it is your responsibility. But if you succeed, the nanites in your body, and all the nanites in the world at the time you have returned to, will be destroyed before the disease can form or spread.


Sensing importance in the location in which you were discovered, Ziggy and Duffy send you back in time from the stasis chamber. Conveniently, you find that the chambers were in the Ashland Nanotech facility.


You stumble through the building, regaining several memories that lead you to the nanites control/purge core. Employees look on in near horror at your mutating form. Security attempts to stop you, but their commander orders a retreat for some reason.


You muse out loud to yourself that your proximity to the purge when it goes off will fry the corrupted nanites in your body. Without the nanites in your body, the cancerous tissue will probably spread out of control, killing you very quickly. The purge will then kill/deactivte the remaining nanites across the globe.


After the purge, you black out.


You wake up in a medical facility. The doctor has “Ashland Nanotech” written on his coat. He thanks you for likely saving the species – calling you, “Mr. Ashland”.


After the credits, audio is played of a news report.


“The massive global nanites failure has been traced to the Ashland Nanotech facility in New York. The company’s owner, Mr. NAME Ashland is suspected to have activated an emergency purge of all nanites technology. Reports suggest that he wasdelirious, claiming to be from the future, coming back to save the world.”


“In related news, reports indicate that not all nanites were eliminated by the purging event. Meant to fry the nanites, the purge may have merely damaged a few, which remained functional. There have been two cases of victims developing cancerous growths. These are suspected to be caused by the damaged nanites. The government assures us that the corrupted nanites will
easily be dealt with.”




**END (seemingly)**



 

But this is not actually the end. After this, the player is prompted to start a second playthrough of the campaign that is entirely different, where you correct the incidental mistakes. You survived the nanite purge and the cancer did not kill you, but you are still partially mutated. You go into stasis again at the Ashland Nanotech Facility, while the other "you" has already entered stasis to survive the coming catastrophe. 


This incident has been looping forever, and each outcome is slightly different, but the original “you” has died in the future every time, allowing the healthy Mr. Ashland that is also ignorant to his coming mistakes, to survive. This time is different. You are playing the one loop in this tragic event where, if you do things right, you can finally stop the plague and this cycle.


A cave-in disables your stasis pod, but you somehow survive. You realize that you must replace yourself with the "clueless" Mr. Ashland which allows you to survive and be awoken again by Ziggy and Duffy - but this time you have a way to win this. You are cured of the nanite infection because of the purge event in the first play through. This time, you can stop the purge from being set, which will prevent the nanites from evolving.


But there’s a problem, and it’s internal. The whole future looks a little different than you left it. Was it something that you did? Or was it something that the nanites did to you?

 

Game Type: Narrative and atmosphere told and shown through series of hidden object and puzzle screens.




PARTNERS