Joyless and frustrated, for two months, dealing with four letter expletives and the people that start it. No offense but why do all women have to be ignorant, or uninterested? Why do people have to be so vague? I'm trying not to get angry, but I really want to break something. i really don't want to type, and i don't want to write. i don't want to talk and I don't want to listen. I still have no clue what I want to do, or even how to do it. I want to yell, but worried they'll here me. Fear for tomorrow, and the words that lead to it.
I gotta stop over thinking. Like a bad seal waiting to go bad, I've been holding it in for too long. I've literally done next to nothing for two months and am dreading getting started again. My hours just got cut back at work, so now I've got to find a new job to fill in the gaps. Yay, more money trouble, and i still can't catch up to the debts I already have. I've started playing magic again, not the PC version but the actual cards. God is it hard not to want to buy cards every day. With Innistrad coming this weekend, I've been saving my money for a booster box on release day. That can be such a money pit, with all the ideas I get from it... it's so tempting.
Am I stuck in moratorium, clueless on where my life is going, but not comfortable with were it is? Do I go back to pursuing my art, continue with programming. School is out of the question for the foreseeable future. Sometimes I feel like all I do is day dream, stuck in my head and not ready to deal with the world.
Someone gave me the idea, of going back to my art and designing flash as a way to get started. How the hell would I get started with that first?
[media]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/blackLines.png[/media]
on my left arm.. and represents the feelings of going through recovery and isolation.
[media]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Waiting.png[/media]
soon to be across my right shoulder blade
[media]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Changevert.png[/media]
[media]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Changehoriz.png[/media]
draft of what will be wrapping around my right bicep
[media]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y122/free90free/Perceptiondraft2.png[/media]
