Take a Break - Step Back - Rethink - Reoganize
Sometimes taking a break from this forum is healthy. Sometimes taking a break from game programming is healthy as well. Every intrepretes another person's action by previous experiences from other people. A belief system that is learned through powerful charged emotional experiences with people - usually sets these triggers off. For me, intelligence is more of a trigger. I'm not smart like Bill Gates nor John Carmack. Bill Gates is 180 and I wish I can be smart like him. Another derailment is my motivation in game development was to show those previous people in my past that I can do it - I am smart.
Upon taking a break from game development and this forum - I noticed subtle changes. 1) Does it matter if I am better than those people in the past that torn me down? Who knows. A long fight about the past is like climbing a long steep moutain which will eventually give way. Hence, this is where the attitude and negative impulses to argue come into play because the mind intrepretions. A man goes on several dates and ends up rejected - automatically the belief system takes part and says, "Next time - I'll be rejected" or whatever false belief. Back to the sizeof and SIZE_T argument that I once held firmly. I was dead wrong because I re-read the post and realized the SIZE_T isn't the same of sizeof() function. Ever notice when calling someone on their game - they get defensive? This happened to me. When someone wishes they were something whereas they currently don't possess - they defenses go up as if they are feel attacked. If a egoistical male brags a lot that he is hot stuff - someone calls him out of his game...What happenes? There's a huge spiral usually denial which leads to aggrivation and temperment.
Anyways; besides the rambling on about the physlogical aspect about how I or anyone could take the smallest critism and turn it into a monsterous snowball. I suppose there was a stresser or what not that hit my nerve prior to the argument on the forum. There's one thing for sure is there's less to prove to others but more to prove to myself. I often question myself why am I on this forum whereas when I post - I end up at times talking to myself or someone will comment a bit complexed than I can chew on. If you tell me how to make a spud cannon and how it works this is easier to digest. So a car engine just works because it works - this will literally fly me across the room and total confusment. A car engine by compressed air mixed with gasoline - whilst compressed the spark plug creates a electric arc to ignte the piston downward...Oh, okay I get it!
Final notes; do I still want to program a game? Sure why not. Am I going to rush myself due to feeling pressure of losing my wife. no; absolutely not. I realize I'm by myself on this and yes; there's gonna be lag time til whatever project is finished. Bottom line; Firmaxis games didn't come out with XCOM Enemy Unknown just in 5 months. It took years to plan; organize and come up with improved concepts the original XCOM game didn't or did have that can be improved upon. So, yeah there's time to be part of the equation. Patience is gradually needed for long goals. Impatience is wanting only the short term goal.
ALright; well have a great week. I'll be back whenever I decide.