It's difficult to admit, but at the moment, the thought that weighs most heavily on my mind is that johnhattan needs to hurry the hell up and release a full version of ConFusebox. I am sickeningly, utterly addicted to that game, in a way that I've never felt drawn to a spin-the-pipes puzzle before. I almost feel dirty... but then I realize that this feeling is not true remorse, nor guilt, but merely the refusal of society at large to acknowledge the beauty of our lov--- wow, that got out of hand quickly. Moving along...
Motivation is a weird beast. I do my work over the Internet (a VPN/intranet setup, to be precise), from home, essentially unsupervised. Sure, I make regular status updates emails; sure, anyone can look at my checkin log in the source repository; sure, my documentation edits on the wiki are easy enough to track.
On a macro scale, getting work done isn't really a problem. The problem is more of a micro-scale thing: finish specifying that module, or read some more Children of Dune. Proofread that paragraph and commit it to the database, or play Battlefield 2. Finish the code plans for the feature set I'm supposed to be building, or take a 9 hour nap.
The trick is, those little things add up. It's not like I haven't done any work in the past two months... I just haven't done as much as I know I'm capable of. I mean, sure, relaxing and having a life is important and all - but there's a difference between having a life and having nothing but life and not doing anything useful. I'm not hitting potential, and that bugs me.
I'll figure out what to do about it as soon as I finish the final chapter of Crimsonland on Hardcore.
The weather here sucks. It was really nice most of last week, and now it's all rainy and cold again. My tropically-spoiled blood craves temperatures in excess of 80 degrees, and the bastard planet won't cooperate.
It really sucks realizing that there will never be enough time to do everything you want to do.