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I feel detached.

So I was sitting in my technical writing course, and the professor is talking about a paper we turned in last week. So she says, "..and those of you who did so-and-so after I told you not to.." *looks directly at me* "..failed the paper."

Whoo. pMushu->_failureCount++;

The really funny part is, I didn't (and don't) really care. I'll probably drop out of college either this semester or the next, simply because I really don't care. I guess its just a means to an end for me, the end being having a job (or two) to get money to live off of. I've no real life goals or motivations or anything.

I guess the only way to describe how I feel is "detached". I feel alone - I walk down the street every day with no expectations of myself, no plans for anything. People pass me, talking of what they'll be doing in a month, or a year, or a decade. And I sit there wondering what kind of dressing I'll put on my salad for lunch.

Dysfunctionality. To me, its defined solely by the actions of everyone else; who are they to define how the rest of us behave? Why does everything have to be so cut-and-dry: do this, benefit. Do that, benefit. A system of rules, complicated redundant and pointless.

In any case, the end game is constant - I get a job. I make money. I grow old and die, perhaps leaving progeny behind to continue the vicious cycle of growth, production, and death. A needless slave bounded to a society bent on material gain.

As a completely unrelated side note, I'm considering writing an article (slash series of articles, though it shouldn't be that long) on how to write a GUI system. Partially because I need to review its inner workings again. It should be interesting.

I'm off to go get that salad I was fanatising about. Mmm... with a nice vinagrette dressing. That'll do nicely :)
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the world acording to mushu, make some books on tape and become a professor of philosophy =D

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I remember my technical writing course. It was a summer course at A&M taught by a grad student. It was pretty-much entirely worthless. I had tested out of all my other English course, but since it was a junior-level class, I couldn't test out of it too.

On another note, Ken's dressings has a rasberry walnut vinegarette that's really good. Check it out at your grocery store. It's my favorite.

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That's where my strength lies: My future is also uncertain, but I always know that I'll put Ranch dressing on my salad. I don't waste time on that decision!

Oh, and for some reason I enjoy classes at college.

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Mushu, you should just get sucked into the space called Internet where there's no way back.. Hehe..

Seriously, I have the same issue but the bad thing is, I'm still in high school. These years should be my most energetic and exciting years but it seems like the last 4 years have been such a burden that I've become ready to give into my failure. I have no idea what to study *if* I make it through the next year and a half (or 2 years and a half, I'm not sure I'll pass this year =). I'm talented in everything, but interested in nothing. Doh!!

I find my peace behind the computer, though.

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