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Anger Management

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So recently I've become a very angry and bitter person. It just kind of happened over the past 5 months; I've been doing a lot of introspection into my life, and I'm fucking pissed.

I'd love to say I'm angry at the people closest to me, for all the things they've done (lies, using/abusing me, stealing $22,000 from me, split between my parents, my brother, and my ex fiancee), but unfortunately, that would just be lying to myself. The real truth of the matter is that I let everything happen to me and I could have prevented it all, had I not let my emotions cloud my judgement. So unfortunately, most of that anger is directed towards myself.

The problem is, I've been having increasingly violent thoughts and it's starting to scare me. I'll just randomly have the impulse to pick up my cell phone or a glass and throw it against the wall as hard as possible. I never do, thankfully; I can always contain my temper, but the very fact that I'm having these thoughts scares me. I told my therapist about this and he says it's perfectly normal to think these things sometimes, but at the same time I should also think about ways to constructively work out my anger.

I used to work out my anger by bicycling. A few times in 2003 and 2004, I managed to bike up to 40 and 50 miles within a 3-4 hour period. This worked well; but unfortunately, I am no longer in the kind of physical shape that is required in order to do that. I've set up a logarithmic exercise schedule for myself (every time I've tried a linear system, I always end up quitting relatively quickly, so hopefully a fast initial increase in minutes-per-week, which slowly tapers off over time will be a lot more maintainable), but it's going to take a long time (at least 4-5 months) to get to a point where I'm able to comfortably bike 100 miles in a week.

So unfortunately, in the near term, that kind of stress relief isn't available to me.

I was wondering if anyone here had any useful advice or methods I should look into?
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Well, I should just tell you that as far as I can tell you're human, and emotions can very easily trump rational thought. Don't be too tough on yourself.

As for the anger management, i'd say try some swimming - you can go at it as hard as you like without much risk of injury or finding yourself unable to get back, and it'll tire every muscle in your body at once, giving you a nice overdose of endorphins to relax. If you can find a swimming pool with jumps, that can also give you a couple of adrenaline spikes that tend to relativize other problems.

Or start a fight club.

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Well it does not sound like your having a blast at all overthere and I'm sorry to hear that.

Do you have anybody to just relax with that will just sit and listen too you and talk? Sometimes that is the best way to kind of "clear the system", if you have a willing person that listens.

I know you dont know me, but I'd be willing to get to know you and listen. ;) Just hit me up sometime when you could use somebody to talk to. I have tons of stories from the Marines and the hectic things that are going on in my life, I'm sure we'd keep the conversations pretty interesting. ;)

Hit me up if you'd like and until then, Take care of yourself and keep up the good work on biking! I need to get back into physical shape... I've started going to the gym yesterday (ran 2 miles, biked 4 miles), so hopefully I can keep that up. :)

Take Care,

Find me: [IRC @ #gamedev as m_dave], [AIM @ aim marine], [Yahoo @ ildave1], [MSN @ dlmcgraw at ksu dot com]

Anybody reading this should feel free to just bump me a message.

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The real truth of the matter is that I let everything happen to me and I could have prevented it all, had I not let my emotions cloud my judgement.
It's time to forgive yourself. Say, "I forgive myself." It's not your fault. We can't control everything. Let go.

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Sorry to hear that things aren't going well.

Fight club would be fun. But an alternative and more useful suggestion would be to go ahead and spend the money to get yourself a personal trainer. Getting back into exercising is no easy task. It is a lifestyle change and although it is tough at first, it is a crucial step for pulling oneself out of a rut. Having a personal trainer that you see maybe once a week will not only kick your ass into shape but will also help in keeping you motivated.

I've recently jumped back into the gym, and kinda happened into a situation where I ended up purchasing trainer sessions. One of the best things that has happened to me lately.

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Discovered this ten years ago. . .

Step 1: Find yourself a Putt Putt.
Step 2: Get some batting cage tokens.
Step 3: Find the slow pitch softball cages.
Step 4: Clobber softballs until you have blisters.

Don't worry if you're a crappy hitter. It's damn near impossible to miss the balls in the softball booths. Five bucks worth of smacking softballs is more cathartic than a month in therapy.

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Perhaps it's time to lay some smack down on someone, and go to the police? I mean, nothing beats laughing at the people who stole your cash/abused you while you're on the right side of the prison phone booth.

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Get away from everyone, meet some new people, join a club, have fun... You deserve it.

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I've found that the only way to get back to a good life is to recognize what the real problem is (usually that is not too difficult) and deal with it.
Let's say you are mad at a friend for cheating you. It is like seeing an investment go down in value. You invested time and effort in it and now it lets you down. That is fine most of the time as stocks recover. But sometimes you just have to recognize that you will never get even. The sensible thing to do is to sell at a loss. Meaning giving up that friendship. It will hurt for a while, but hey, there are 5 billion other people. Better invest your time in making one of them your new friend.
Same thing applies for lousy jobs, lousy cars, lousy housing, lousy country, etc.
It is tough but it is really constructive. I am in the process of changing career myself and since I took that decision I find myself much happier. Do not hate my co-workers (I am still looking for a new job), just find them pathetic. Used to have those violent thoughts you speak of. They are gone now and I sleep like a baby.
Best of luck with your life!

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