So recently I've become a very angry and bitter person. It just kind of happened over the past 5 months; I've been doing a lot of introspection into my life, and I'm fucking pissed.

I'd love to say I'm angry at the people closest to me, for all the things they've done (lies, using/abusing me, stealing $22,000 from me, split between my parents, my brother, and my ex fiancee), but unfortunately, that would just be lying to myself. The real truth of the matter is that I let everything happen to me and I could have prevented it all, had I not let my emotions cloud my judgement. So unfortunately, most of that anger is directed towards myself.


The problem is, I've been having increasingly violent thoughts and it's starting to scare me. I'll just randomly have the impulse to pick up my cell phone or a glass and throw it against the wall as hard as possible. I never do, thankfully; I can always contain my temper, but the very fact that I'm having these thoughts scares me. I told my therapist about this and he says it's perfectly normal to think these things sometimes, but at the same time I should also think about ways to constructively work out my anger.


I used to work out my anger by bicycling. A few times in 2003 and 2004, I managed to bike up to 40 and 50 miles within a 3-4 hour period. This worked well; but unfortunately, I am no longer in the kind of physical shape that is required in order to do that. I've set up a logarithmic exercise schedule for myself (every time I've tried a linear system, I always end up quitting relatively quickly, so hopefully a fast initial increase in minutes-per-week, which slowly tapers off over time will be a lot more maintainable), but it's going to take a long time (at least 4-5 months) to get to a point where I'm able to comfortably bike 100 miles in a week.

So unfortunately, in the near term, that kind of stress relief isn't available to me.


I was wondering if anyone here had any useful advice or methods I should look into?