is motivation the only factor in my failures? definitely not. i lack proper design methods, and don't know how to go about attaining them. i can go about listing feature after feature of games that i really like, and even rant about how noone's made a game combining them all. that isn't moving me forward. i don't consider the lack of knowledge in my language of choice / api of choice / etc to be a limiting factor - convention is easily reproduced when one has the proper facilities. but how do you go about learning design?
i've read this and that about it, but i haven't really learned anything new. i've been trying to keep at "you need to know what you want to experience" and its hard to stay focused on that. its so easy to back out of the whole thing and ask "so why do i play video games" and then get completely lost from there. examining that question itself produces more problems: sharing experiences through video games requires socialization, and i'm trying to escape that more and more every day.
so it looks as though the philosophy i live my life by is really the culprit here, but it works and i don't see it changing anytime soon. perhaps i should look at components of games, its not nearly as demanding.. my final products are never worth the effort, and its the peices i'm really interested in. i'll have to think more on this.