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Sweet, sweet relief

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The hardware thing was just mangling me, so I went out and found a way to appease my thirst for all things electronic and shiny.

I was ... uh... surfing NewEgg... for some... totally unrelated things... and just happened by totally pure chance to see that they just dropped the price on the XFX GeForce 7900GT. I was thinking of going with the Asus EN7900GT-TOP, which is basically just a factory overclocked version of the card.

But then I asked myself, why? If the factory can overclock it, so can I - as if I'll care about the 5% boost in framerate or whatever would come out of it. And, if I get the card that's not overclocked, I save a smooth $50.

Now, obviously this sale is highly exclusive and will disappear at any moment. Therefore, like a good mindless consumer, I jumped all over it. I mean, it's not every day you can quench your technolust and save $50 at the same time, right? So all in all it's a solid win for me.

I decided to make the most of the purchase and pick up the case, hard drive, and DVD/RW drive as well. I would have gone for the keyboard and mouse instead of the hard drive (since I can actually use those right now) but stupid NewEgg is out of stupid stock. Stupidheads.

Naturally, this is going to backfire something fierce. For about ten seconds when the shipment shows up, I'll be euphoric. Of course, between now and then I can sate my greed by clicking Refresh on the UPS tracking screen every microsecond, waiting for the magical system to tell me that the package has crawled forward another inch on the Virtual Map of the World. (Y'know, a realtime "your package is here" tracker would be cool... show a little red line moving across the map like in the old movies... ahem, right.) So at the very least, for another several days I should be good.

Once it arrives, I'll get to enjoy the bliss for a blisteringly short time, and then the dark realization will hit: I can't do a damn thing with any of this stuff. I can't use the video card, because the machine with PCIe support is currently hosed. I can't use the hard drive, because that same machine is my only SATA-capable box. I can't use the case, because I don't have anything to put in it yet. And I can't use the DVD/RW drive because I already have one in my development box.

So, here's roughly how it'll go down:
  • T-minus a few hours
    See that the package is "out for delivery" on the UPS tracker. Promptly mess pants; spend rest of the day until the truck arrives running around in hyperactive little circles.

  • T-minus a few second
    After staring out the window all day (in between hopping up and down and gibbering), finally see the UPS truck pull up. Mess pants again. Run out to meet UPS guy in the driveway.

  • T-minus zero: the moment of reckoning
    Receive the glowing warm boxes of pure happiness into my quivering arms. Try hard not to squeal in front of UPS guy; add false baritone to voice in order to retain semblance of masculinity.

  • T-plus a few seconds
    Rush inside and slam a few doors. Lovingly dump boxes all over the floor and croon over them for a moment. Indulge in a high-pitched orgy of celebratory noises which deeply resembles a flock of parakeets running through a wood chipper - except happy.

  • T-plus a few minutes
    Mangle a lot of packaging. Shred boxes. Spill styrene entrails all over the floor. Finally catch glimpses of The Goods. Don shades to avoid blindness from the golden beam of light radiating from The Goods.

  • T-plus a few more minutes
    Pile up all of the newly opened Goods in a shrine of nerdly glory and awesomeness. Consider taking pictures. Recall lack of camera. Lament over not ordering a camera with all of The Goods. Vow to do it Next Time. Forget this vow utterly within seconds. Just like the last 20 times.

  • T-plus not-long-enough
    Get slammed into floor by the massive, crushing blow of reality. Gymnastics in midair to avoid hitting The Goods en route to The Floor. Screw it up and smack face-first into an empty cardboard box with razor-sharp edges. Curse lack of coordination and bad luck at missing the nice padded air-bubble-thing six inches to the left.

  • I'm losing track of the T-plus-stuff. So: a few seconds later.
    Recover from daze and anger at slicing head open/off with said box. Finish cursing various things. Finally decide to inquire as to what hit us in the first place.

  • Y'know, this is stupid. Just follow the sequence, I'm sure the timings are pretty obvious.
    Confront the terrifying black orb of reality. Impending doom becomes evident. Realize that all of this stuff is just a bunch of useless boxes until you get a CPU and motherboard, you moron.

  • Weeping continues for several hours.

  • Contemplate suicide.

  • Recover from the brink of self-destruction by thinking about getting the motherboard and CPU.

  • Go insane because you're out $500 and have nothing at all to show for it - and still have to wait another month before the Conroe price drop to get the remaining parts.

  • Enter Coma of Despair.

Geez... buying computers is so much trouble.
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I would almost feel sorry for you except you have that disgusting avatar.

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Guest Anonymous Poster


I *almost* feel guilty about mentioning waiting for Conroe. But I don't. Your Conroe Overlords will be arriving soon™.

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Just found your blog, it's excellent! This entry was the funniest thing I've read in a long time, I laughed so hard I cried! :D


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