Unsurprisingly, the line picked up with a recording about how all the lazy people were gone for the weekend, under some grand delusion about being entitled to a life and time off of work. Once the whining got finished, I got dumped into what sounded like a typical automated menu: press 1 for frequently asked questions, or 9 if you have a medical emergency requiring immediate attention.
I had to hang up here, and go consult my doctor; however, he assured me that curiosity, no matter how burning, is not a serious condition and does not constitute an "emergency." So that ruled out pressing 9.
The 1 option, however, leaves a little bit to be desired: after about 5 seconds of silence, a nasty recorded voice stutters out "One... is not a valid option." And then the whole spiel about everyone tromping off for the weekend repeats.
So I still don't know what's in a bottle of IBC root beer, but at least I know that their phone system is broken.
It's the small things that give life it's unceasing wonderment and joy.