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Internal Battle: Game Developer vs Gamer

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Last night I found out about the game Defcon that just came out. For those who don't know about it yet check it out. It is amazing. I've been wanting to play this game for literally decades!! After the first time I saw the movie War Games I've been waiting for this game.

After decades of waiting you'd think I'd be super excited to play the game. And while I was downloading the demo last night I was. Then I loaded it up and it was great. Too great. It is exactly how I wanted to make it. And that's where I'm conflicted. More than wanting to actually play this game, I wanted to make it. For years the idea has been in the back of my head knowing that one day I would get to it. Now that my technology is finally getting to the point that I could tackle such a game I feel hurt that the game already exists. The same thing happened with these guys and Uplink. Another game that I wanted to do and they did it first.

What has this little episode taught me? I am definitely a game developer nerd first and foremost and then a gamer second. I don't make games so i can enjoy playing them, I make games because I enjoy making them. It might not sound like a huge revelation to some but it is to me. For years I wasn't sure if it was the chicken or the egg that came first. Now I know.

The good news is that I now have even more confidence that I am working on the right stuff. Working on creating solid games that could actually become a full time business is more important to me than working on games that I absolutely would love to play. Now this doesn't mean that I'm only going to work on boring "marketable" games. After all I still have a tonne of ideas for new games that I think lots of people, including me, would like to play. It just means I don't have to feel guilty for not working on the "dream game". I'll just let the guys at Introversion do it until I get my stuff up to a point that I can tackle those dreams. :)
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