- a relative who went to a two-year trade school so she could take a job as a pretend doctor who blames most human ailments on spinal alignment
- a relative who sends me a yearly Christmas card wishing me and my family the happiest of holidays and encloses with it a little comic book that promises me exquisite and unending posthumous torture unless I convert to their religion immediately.
- a relative who prides himself in his amazing ability to spot gay actors on television and who is only too eager to show off his abilities whenever the teevee is on.
- a relative who hires new-age in-home healers who wave their hands in the proximity of their children to unruffle their auras and keep them safe from disease.
- a relative who constantly extols the virtues of a particular teevee psychic, despite his show displaying an extensive disclaimer explaining that he should not be taken seriously AND the show appearing on the Science Fiction Network.
- a relative who made a pilgrimage halfway around the planet to visit a statue of a virgin that allegedly bleeds, sheds tears, and heals the diseases of those in its proximity.
- a relative who believes every medical claim made on television commercials, going as far as purchasing "Japanese" maxi-pads that you stick to your feet while you sleep so they can remove all your body's toxins.
Yet if you gathered all of those people into a single room and demanded that they come to a single belief that they all shared, the only consensus they would be able to reach is that there's something wrong with ME for not seeing the value in any of it.
So, given those hints, I ask you to spot the looney.
And I'll give you a hint.