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Terrible game ideas

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I was reading tigsource and I saw mention of The Video Game Name Generator, which is quite possibly the coolest thing ever. Anyway, as a creative exercise I decided to generate a game idea for the first ten names I got out of it without filtering any of them. These are all pretty much... horrible, but it was fun to do, so to hell with all of you.

Hazardous Basketball Championship

I pretty much envision this as basketball in a castle with deadly traps. In fact, fuck making a video game of this. This is how basketball should be in real life. I don't care if you're not a basketball fan, who wouldn't want to watch the Harlem Globe Trotters fall into a pit of pirahnas? They're so smug. Washington Generals for the epic win!

Prehistoric Railroad on the High Seas

Why do these prehistoric men need railroads? What are they moving across the sea? It is a mystery!

Scooby Doo and the Chainsaw Inferno

I can't think of a game for this, because the vision of Scrappy-Doo being run through a chainsaw inferno fills me with overwhelming joy. Honestly, I think this idea is already perfect without any gameplay mechanics. It just starts, and then BURNING CHAINSAW DEATH for the most annoying character in history. PLEASE SOMEBODY MAKE THIS.

Morbidly Obese Disco Kombat

This sounds like an awesome TV show. But if I had to make it as a video game, I'm envisioning it as being like DDR, except there's also a scale built into the pad, and the heavier you are the more it multiplies your score. Take that skinny people! And all the music is disco music. And you have a little motion sensor controller that works like Wii Boxing, so besides just dancing you're also fighting. And you have to wrestle a bear. Well maybe not, we'll save that for the inevitable TV show. This is going to be huge.

Biblical Driving Wasteland

You have traveled back in time with your car, making you a God among men because you're the only dude with car. Chicks dig you. Hey, chicks digged rad cars back then too. You're getting invited to all the cool parties while Jesus sits at home. Do you invite him out?

SHilbert also suggested Mario Kart With Jesus And Moses. That could work too.

Strategic Office Zombies

The administrative abilities of zombies are often overlooked, but I mean, whenever you watch a documentary about zombies you notice they have really great teamwork. This is a game that's filling a pretty glaring gap in the market in my opinion.

I'm kinda seeing this as you're a zombie working in a really big company, and you're trying to convert the whole company into zombies. But obviously as a single zombie working alone, you're outnumbered and kinda slow. So you have to send emails and memoes to lure people into traps until you've worked up a large enough zombie army to take over the company. Of course, you have to lay low at first, because you don't want people to suspect what you're doing before you're strong enough or they'll fire all your zombie arses. Game over!

So you'll probably want to start off by zombifying people that probably are pretty docile already anyway. Then nobody will suspect a thing. Maybe you start with Fat Betsy in accounting, because all she does is complain on the phone all day anyway. So you tell her there's free cake in the break room, and BAM, there's a zombie there (you, actually). And now you got a two zombie team. And then maybe you tell another guy that you want to talk about his TPS report, and then OH SHIT, THERE'S YOU AND BETSY -- A TWO ZOMBIE TEAM. And Betsy is hungry! And now you got three zombies. And so on. Just don't get fired! At least not until you can get a kickass severance package. A SEVERED HEAD severance package! HA HA HA!

Spooky Typing Plus

How do you make typing scary? I'm thinking this would be like typing tutor, except scary shit jumps out at you as you're typing -- but you have to keep your cool, man. Maybe you're typing, and all the sudden it's like GORILLA OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. And he rips up your window and eats it! BUT YOU KEEP TYPING ANYWAY. SERIOUSLY KEEP TYPING. JESUS JUST KEEP TYPING OR THAT GORILLA IS GOING TO FUCKING MAUL YOU.

Generic Big Game Hunter Combat

You're like this guy, and you hunt things.

In Your Face Mummy Express

Ok, so I'm thinking this is like crazy taxi, except you're giving mummies rides. But these mummies are all up in your grill, so you have to put them back in their place with witty comments while you drive. You'll be driving, and then they're like "MMMMPRPPPHHHHPMMMMMMM" and you have to be like "YO MAMA! YO MAMA!". And then game roars in the background "EPIC BURN!!!!!", and you drop that mummy off right on time, and that mummy gives you a huge tip, because dammit, you earned his respect with your wit and charm.

Star Trek Mahjong Championship

Why not?

Art of Blimp Battle

This is one of those games you might need to have a few hours set aside for... You know what might make this cool though? Hook up a couple of those little blowing devices that they have for paralyzed people to interact with computers, and blowing into those you can control the wind. That might actually be kinda fun for like the first.. 2 minutes.

Relentless Elevator in the Desert

You know what this reminds me of? There's this gimmick called The Cube, where you're supposed to envision this cube in the desert, and then some other things around it, and based on how a person describes things you can supposedly tell a bunch of things about them. I could totally see this being like that. You're supposed to envision an elevator in the desert, and describe it, and then the game tells you about your bizarre dark urges or whatever.

I this this works best as a text game. Except you hook it up to an AI conversation bot like Megahal or ALICE or whatever. I can totally see it now

You see a relentless elevator in the desert. Why is it not relenting?

> It's compensating for daddy issues.

All the best cowboy's have daddy issues.

> Wait what?

Why is the cowboy on the elevator wearing a pink fedora?

> What cowboy?

Are you a cowboy?

> I...

Why are you on an elevator in the middle of the desert?

> I'm not!

The elevator hugs you from behind in a warm embrace. How does it feel?

> How do I get off this elevator.

You can't. The unrelenting elevator represents the unrelenting influence of the gay upon your life. The pink fedora hat is just kinda cool. The hug was your idea. You should join the backstreet boys. Play again? (Y/N)

Well that's just how I see the game being played. WHATEVER.

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about Fancy Wheelchair on the Oregon Trail, which I still don't have a game idea for, but man it sounds cool.
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If this doesn't make it into the weekly list of journal entries worth reading someone deserves a slap. Strategic Office Zombies lol!

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