• entries
    732
  • comments
    1562
  • views
    492564

An Open Letter to People on My Commute

Sign in to follow this  

110 views

Dear Retards,

Please jump down to the section that relates to you. However, if this letter targets you, you are too big of a degenerate mouth breathing shitcock to be able to read. So have your state-appointed handler read it to you after strapping your hockey helmet and mouthguard on so you don't bite your own tongue off, you stupid fuck.

In The Car

Hi there. I drive a small stick-shift car. Sometimes, I have to turn right. Unfortunately, people turn left in the facing lane across a huge swath, and cut into my lane. This means I have to yield to those people.

If you are driving a humongous SUV, do not honk at me when I do this. If you do this, I will find your license plate number (since we are going to the same parking lot) and report the car stolen by pro-abortion paedophile terrorist extremists.

On The Train

Sometimes, people want to get off a crowded train. This means, if you are by the door, you should step outside temporarily and allow them to pass. This does not mean that you should stand there and pretend to ignore me. If you do so, I will shove you, like I shoved the shit-eating cockweasel this morning.

On The Bus

Shut the fuck up.

Special Section for Bus Drivers

This is a table of the things that are appropriate to be doing if you are driving a bus.

Driving slowly on bad road conditions: Yes
Taking breaks: Yes
Taking 10 minute breaks, then driving 30 under the speed limit and using your elbows to steer while you rest your head on your palms: NO

Love,
Ravuya
Sign in to follow this  


10 Comments


Recommended Comments

It's amazing that after all the posts I've made here, the thing that gets the most notice is a white-hot stream of bubbling rage at the local transit system.

Apparently, just after I got off the train today, some retard decided to interact forcefully with it at a level crossing. [rolleyes]

Share this comment


Link to comment
It's something we can relate to. But you forgot the dimwits who are getting ON the train without first letting people get OFF the train, or who stand right before the door instead of on the side, where they should be. There's always one of those whenever I commute.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Quote:
Original post by Ravuya
Apparently, just after I got off the train today, some retard decided to interact forcefully with it at a level crossing. [rolleyes]

Living in Calgary, I'm surprised you aren't completely desensitized to this yet. I find it almost like some form of the Darwin awards. Those trains don't exactly sneak up on a person, which makes me believe that either a person has to be pushed into the way of a train, when not expecting it, or has to be hopped up on alcohol/drugs/suicide to do it.

On that note, I think once I start work in Calgary I'll invest in a montly transit pass, as I expect driving in downtown Calgary to be absolutely horrible. Either that, or I'll bike the first few months, at least until the weather gets bad.

Whoah, something funky just happened - I posted after lightbringer, yet my post is showing up before his! Odd!

Share this comment


Link to comment
Quote:
Those trains don't exactly sneak up on a person, which makes me believe that either a person has to be pushed into the way of a train, when not expecting it, or has to be hopped up on alcohol/drugs/suicide to do it.
No, it was at a level crossing, which means someone drove their blinged-out car (I think in this instance it was an Oldsmobile Alero. Last time it was an Audi A4 *sniff*) into the path or side of an oncoming automobile.

In general, people who get pulped by the train are usually high or drunk. The train drivers do an exceptional job of keeping idiots from walking in front of their trains.
Quote:
Whoah, something funky just happened - I posted after lightbringer, yet my post is showing up before his! Odd!
Yeah, the quote system will do that. It's an artifact of the massive hack that is the journal system's use of our rare and frightening "threaded" mode. Superpig has a great post on it.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now