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Speakin' of movies that suck

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johnhattan

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"Christmas with the Kranks" is going to suck. It's based on John Grisham's badly-implemented novelette "Skipping Christmas", and it's got far too many flaws to make a worthwhile movie.

  • The main characters are thoroughly unlikeable. Much like how the entire cast of "Jurassic Park III" was so annoying that you were begging the dinosaurs to eat 'em, you'll be secretly praying that the Kranks fail in their sudden need to re-celebrate Christmas at the last minute.
  • It lives in the alternate universe where not celebrating Christmas and decorating your house is some kind of malady. Dunno about you, but on my block around half of the houses will have no decorations at all. But the book takes place in a universe where there are no Muslims, Jews, atheists, or even Christians who aren't interested in the whole Christmas shtick.
  • It's horribly shallow. Much of the end is concerned with getting a present for the kid's boyfriend so he won't feel left out. As a one-time-boyfriend who visited potential inlaws just to see them scramble to wrap up something for me that was laying around the house, it's better to just let it slide. Opening that Swiss Coloney Miniature Cheese Assortment was an uncomfortable moment, as it was so obvious that no thought was put into it. Would've been much better just to go without.
  • It takes place in a universe where going on a cruise for Christmas will cause an entire town to hate you.
  • The book, even at 100 pages, was padded with done-to-death slapstick crap. Let's be honest. Has the joke about falling off a roof while putting up a plastic Santa/Snowman/Reindeer/etc not BEEN DONE TO FREAKIN' DEATH YET?!
  • Jokes about botox shots are the 2000's equivalent of jokes about Viagra. Not funny anymore.

Trust me. The book was fatally flawed and was a really transparent attempt to create a "new Christmas classic" like "A Christmas Story". The characters are unlikeable, and you'll beg for 'em to fail. It's just ill-conceived.

Trust me, it'll suck.
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The relative merit of a movie can be measured by the dubious yardstick of what it adds to culture, be it pop culture idioms or the imagery within the movie:

For example, a Christmas Story:

Idiom: "You'll shoot your eye out!"
Idiom: "I can't put my arms down!"
Idiom: "It's a major award!"
Imagery: the leg lamp.
Imagery: sticking your tongue to a flag pole.

And a Christmas Carol(various versions as well as the original literary work):

Idiom: "God bless us, every one!"
Idiom: "Bah! Humbug!"
Imagery: The three ghosts of past, present, and future.

It's a Wonderful Life:

Idiom: "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings."

The folks who make/made movies with cultural merit on a regular basis (Lucas, Disney, Pixar, Mike Meyers, Jim Carey), have it down to a veritable science. They typically have many imitators, which almost always wind up being fluff and garbage, and usually, movies with cultural merit are accidental and often the equivalent of cultural one hit wonders. ("They're coming to get you, Barbara", "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya...", "What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favourite colour?", "Open the pod bay doors, Hal")

But then again, what do I know?



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Jeez John. You put alot more thought into it than I did. I saw the trailer, thought to myself "boy this is going to suck", and went on ;-)

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