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How to be a game producer!

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johnhattan

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I'm going to reveal some industry secrets here. Don't spread this around, but here are the official instructions on. . .

How to be a game producer!

1. Get a terrifically kEwL idea for a game. Make sure it's gigantic in scope and would require millions of dollars for a big studio to implement it. Shortcut: If you can't think of something original, just go with "It's like [kEwL game], only in [genre]".

2. Think up a name for your company. Spend weeks drawing a cool logo --a publisher won't look at you twice if you don't have a cool logo. Make sure it's gray and has bolts-n-stuff on it. Flames are also cool.

3. Get a domain name and a free hosting provider. If you can't afford that, get a Geocities account.

4. Put your design document on your fancy new web page. Mock up some screen shots. Keep your entire design document to one or two pages, because detail stifles creativity. Make sure your design document has animated rollover buttons, because they're kEwL.

5. Start posting into web-based discussion groups and newsgroups asking for programmers who want to work on your game for free. You may not realize it, but there are lots of experienced programmers out there who are willing to write the bulk of your game only for a promise of big big profits later.

6. Implement a demo that consists of little more than a title-screen and some flame effects you copied from How To Develop kEwL Games Using Direct3D.

7. Send a CD of your demo and your 2-page design document to G.O.D. and Epic Megagames. Choose between which one offers you a bigger advance.

8. Develop your game. If you have done all the above stuff just as I have written, this should be simple.

9. Put your game in a box and put it on the shelf.

10. Laugh all the way to the bank when the checks start rollin' in!
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