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I submit to you, gentlemen, that TWO EQUALS SIX. *

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Mithrandir

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REAL NEWS:

So apparently, in the realm of shipping, 2 = 6. Normally, when you order something with 2 day express shipping, you expect to have it within 2 business days, right? Well it's going on 6 days now, and my new video card is still AWOL. Fedex's handy-dandy website says it's not even 10 miles away from me, but it's said that since 3 days ago.



Service type
FedEx 2Day Service

Date/Time
Feb 7, 2005 12:38 am Left FedEx Ramp CHEEKTOWAGA NY
Feb 4, 2005 4:25 pm Arrived at FedEx Ramp CHEEKTOWAGA NY
5:45 am Left FedEx Sort Facility INDIANAPOLIS IN
Feb 3, 2005 12:20 pm Arrived at Sort Facility INDIANAPOLIS IN
5:15 am Left FedEx Sort Facility LOS ANGELES CA
Feb 2, 2005 1:22 pm Left FedEx Origin Location CITY OF INDUSTRY CA
1:19 pm Left FedEx Origin Location CITY OF INDUSTRY CA
8:40 am Pickup status CITY OF INDUSTRY CA
Feb 1, 2005 5:22 pm Arrived at Sort Facility LOS ANGELES CA



Ladies and Gentlemen, Fedex has somehow learned how to bend the very laws of time and space, and due to them, 2 is now equal to 6. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. You'll probably need to buy new calculators and math books because of this.


FAKE NEWS:

I changed my name to Lord Reginald Gregory Wadsworth Charles Peppersworth the Fourteenth, Great Master and First and Principal Knight Grand Cross of the Most Honourable Order of the Asparagus.
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I am a 30-year-old Medievalist living at home with my drunken trollop of a mother, in a city famous for being the flagrant vice capital of the civilized world. When not being forced into the working world and leading revolts against the bourgeois, I correspond with a masochistic liberal minx from the Bronx. In addition, I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip. --Ignatius J. Reilly

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