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Too pooped to pope? Not me!

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According to Catholic doctrine, it is not required that you be a Cardinal to be the Pope. The only requirement for Popehood is to be baptised Catholic.

That means I qualify. Please send an email to root@vatican.va recommending me. I'd be a really good Pope, I promise. My platform is as follows:

1. Apologize for any historical nastiness that the previous Pope hasn't already apologized for.

2. Direct any underlings to turn in anyone involved in ANY criminal activity to their local police. If I get wind of anyone covering up a crime, I'll see that they get prosecuted as an accessory.

3. Allow women to be priests.

4. Acknowledge that birth control better than the rhythm method exists.

5. Make belief in a god optional.
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I will only recommend you if you promise to break dance while wearing the pope hat and gown thing. You also have to let my ride in the Popemobile.

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Item six would be "leave the gays alone, already", but I figure I'll be accidentally poisoned somewhere between items two and three, so it won't much matter.

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