Just before I was hauled off back to my cell, I was able to peek at the screen and see what everyone suggested I do. By some chance one week only took a few minutes here, but we wont go into that.
As I was led back to my cell, I began to fret. How was I going to get Clancy on my side? Was I going to make it to the farm in time? Is it possible to do a third funny question without sounding lame? The answer to all of these was a certain possible Tuesday.
As we arrived at my cell, I could see Clancy hunched into his cell. He was massive, like the size of an elephant, but a big elephant. In a jail cell. In the shape of an inmate called Clancy. The policeman shoved me inside, squeezing me into the only corner that had a bit of room left. Luckily there happened to also be an artist in there, who was more than happy to sketch a rendition of Clancy for me.
I found it really hard to breath there was such little room, but with my MaGyver like skills I was able to fashion a hole in my mouth, creating a flesh like tube back to two air sacks I had been able to smuggle through in my chest, quickly attaching nerve endings all through my body. Luckily it worked.
Turning to where I thought his face could be, I tried to strike up a conversation. If there is one thing I am good at, it's communication and maths. I have been building up my skills in communication for years now, perfected by hundreds of hours spent on sex chat lines, learning all the tricks of the trade as to how to come across as the ultimate cool guy. I got so good that I rung one up once, and I was so damn 'with it' she started getting turned on, making all sorts of noises. While she was one the phone! WITH ME!!! HOW EMBARRASSING!!! Using the many skills I had picked up from all those years of training, I initiated step one:
"oooh, I think I'm getting turned on...."
Suddenly the blimp-sized man began to move, and I realized that I was actually pressed against his face. A gigantic eye suddenly opened, and he muttered something about sex noodles. SEX NOODLES!! I forgot all about my amazing suit. He must of thought I was some kind of Noodle Angel sent to save him! I quickly tried to amend the situation, but my makeshift breathing solution was starting to fall apart. I remembered the sign language that I had learnt at school, as was able to communicate to him that I needed to get out of the jail cell with his help.
My hand signals worked! Clancy began to move more and more, squashing me against the metal bars of the cell. He began to mutter sex noodles more and more, then sex noo, then just sex. I was a little suspicious by this, but no cause for alarm. Suddenly in an explosion of atoms and gravity, the bars of the cell burst open. As I was thrown against the wall, Clancy began to make his way out of the cell. Seizing the opportunity, I quickly run up one of his arms before he had time to react, jumping up and landing on top of his head. As he looked around, I could see the police starting to move towards us. I needed a way to get Clancy to move...then I remembered! THE NOODLE FARM! If he is so keen for noodles, I should just tell him about the farm. Quickly I shouted quietly in his ear 'Hey, if you do what I say, I have a whole lot more to give you when we get where I want to go. You have it all day long if you like!"
Clancy smiled, nodded, and licked his lips.
As the police started to gather around us, it was obvious they weren't messing about. There must have been at least 12 of them, all equipped with cell phones, which if you talk on long enough give you cancer in the head regions. This was serious stuff. As the police pointed the cell phones at us, I yelled at Clancy to take them out before the head cancer set in. Picking up one of the officers, he threw him across the room with such force that not only did he hit the wall on the other side of the room, but didn't go straight through it either. He started knocking the police officers left and right, until there was not one officer left. But I knew that we needed to get out of here quick before more arrived. I ordered Clancy to start running in the direction of the farm, and in a second we took off. The speed we were getting was amazing, and I knew that I was going to make it to the farm on time! Soon the farm appeared and I ordered Clancy to stop.
Jumping onto the ground, I told Clancy to wait, and that I would be back in a minute to help satisfy his needs. Walking into the farm, I was relived to see that I had made it just in time! I do have a slight dilemma though. As I am writing this on the farms computer, Clancy is still waiting outside patiently. Should I:
A) Steal 'Betty', the prize winning noodle in the glass jar and take it out to Clancy as a present
B) Cover myself in noodles and throw him a surprise mascot noodle party
C) Attempt to con the owner of the farm to give him a job
Note: The person in the third panel of the second picture is actually not me. But those are my hands! Plus the drawing featured is obviously not mine either.