Jump to content
  • Advertisement
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Yeah.... umm...

Sign in to follow this  


Funny thing happened to me at work today.

I was driving down a semi-rural road (in a little town on the edge of the metro area, called Buckeye) on my way to my first job-site at about 7:30 this morning. Window rolled down because the A/C in my truck is broke, and God's been fiddling with the thermostat down here lately, warming Himself up to really mess with us this summer. So I'm going about 50 MPH or so, when out of the corner of my eye I see a largish speck hurtling toward me. It's in my peripheral vision for mere instants, before it smashes into my windpipe and bounces down the collar of my shirt. It felt like somebody had shot me with a slingshot.

There was a brief pause; I imagine that during those moments, the hornet (or whatever sort of assassin bug it was; I never did get a good look at it) picked himself up and shook his head a few times, maybe got down on his knees and thanked whatever winged little deity it worshiped for surviving an impact like that. Then, of course, (because it's the natural thing to do after having survived an impact at 50) the hornet started to tattoo it's initials across my chest.

There I am, flying down the road with a psychotic, bearded madman in a semi truck trying to drive several tons of building materials up my ass, and the damned hornet is tap-dancing a staccato stitch of pain right up the crack between my pectorals. I immediately began flailing wildly at my chest, trying to either smash the little dude or at least interrupt his work. Instead, I managed to knock him down on to my stomach, where he started in on his impression of a telegraph operator. He was tapping out messages in Morse code down there. Long messages. Entire novels.

The situation demanded action, so action I took. At that point on the road, the shoulder had turned from packed gravel into six or seven inches of soft sand, into which I steered at close to 60 miles per hour. Dirt flew out to the sides like a ship's wake, and the truck began slewing around, flopping back and forth like a beached carp as I crammed on the brakes. The moment the truck halted, I flung the door open, leaped out of the seat and, oblivious to the stares of passing motorists who surely were thinking that some poor working slob had finally had enough of long days and short pay and was flipping out, started thrashing around in panic. The looks on their faces as they accelerated past me suggested that they thought I was but one step away from sitting in a high place with a scoped rifle, shooting pedestrians.

I didn't care.

My shirt was tucked in, and the little bastard had gotten himself wedged down in there just above the waistband of my pants, right above my right butt cheek. I'm all for encouraging people (and insects, I suppose) to take up new hobbies, but I thought it wildly inappropriate that the hornet should choose that very instant to try his hand (or stinger) at embroidery. Flailing and gyrating wildly, I jerked the tail of my shirt from my pants, and the hornet flew away, leaving me panting and swearing in the middle of the road.

The swelling has gone down, and thankfully I've never suffered from extreme reactions to insect stings. I still wish I'd been able to capture that damned thing, though; I would have done mean things to it, things to make the Spanish Inquisition look like children playing Truth or Dare.
Sign in to follow this  


Recommended Comments

ow ow ow ow ow ow

I would say that I feel your pain, but honestly, I hope I never do!


Share this comment

Link to comment
That little innocent insect was minding its own business when you came along and pretty much ripped its only chance of living in this world away from it. It was probably just heading out from its home to gather some pollen for the wife and kids. Just minding its own business when WHAM! How does that make you feel? Maybe it deserved dying such a cruel death. Maybe its end will benefit Earth and bring a greater good to life on this world.... But then again, maybe I'm talking crap [smile].

Share this comment

Link to comment
That's the funniest damn thing I've heard in weeks! A hornet beat your ass like he caught you with his daughter!I would have given anything to have been in the passenger seat, of course I'm a sadistic bastard. It's the Cowley spring rodeo this weekend, Ericks getting on a saddle bronc. I'll be sure to get pics to send to you. Have a good one Bro. Oh yeah one word: Calamide!

Give me a call, I lost your number. Asta!

Share this comment

Link to comment
oh god dude! That's the funniest read in a LONG time!! XD Thanx for making my day! And for ruining my keyboard when I started laughing with my mouth full of toast :P

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Advertisement

Important Information

By using GameDev.net, you agree to our community Guidelines, Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.

GameDev.net is your game development community. Create an account for your GameDev Portfolio and participate in the largest developer community in the games industry.

Sign me up!