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Apathy

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I'm really hoping that I'm not the first, last or only person to be thinking this.

Maybe it's because I did myself some damage with black pepper (*) and am feeling a bit ill, but the whole apathy thing is really kicking me this week.




Normally I reserve my apathy for the whole politics and society thing, but every now and then I sit down at my computer and think "No really, why the hell do I bother? What am I actually trying to do here?".

Usually it passes in a few days, so I should quit whining.

I've come to the conclusion that it's a crisis of inspiration. Some days, most days, I see the work of the industry greats (and I don't necessarily mean gaming, but multimedia as a whole) and think, maybe naively "yeah, I wanna be like them. I will be like them". Then I flip the other way and think - they have more time, more resources, maybe in my current position I just can't achieve what they have...

Sucks.

I've got a couple of job/position applications on the go at the moment, not entirely sure I can say anything about them, and they're annoying me.

I'm on a placement at the moment - I like to think I did good and that I might stand a chance at getting a graduate job. But it's looking more likely that I'll have to go elsewhere. Shouldn't be surprised, but apathy again - why bother trying to impress them? [rolleyes]





Anyway, I hoped I'd keep this journal clean of me whinging or moaning about stuff. I'll shut up for now [smile]

I sat down to watch Goodfellas this evening. I love that film.

Quote:
Henry Hill
As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.


Quote:
Henry Hill
You know, we always called each other goodfellas. Like, you'd say to somebody: "You're gonna like this guy; he's all right. He's a goodfella. He's one of us." You understand? We were goodfellas, wiseguys.


Good stuff [grin]

Till next time...
Jack




(*) Don't ask.
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Cant post something silly today I guess.

You cant do it? Naive thoughts? That is complete and utter foolishness. You are perfectly capable, I have seen your work. Have you not heard of the story of George Green? You should consider reading it as it is very moving. It brings tears to my eyes when I consider the story and its implications in its totality. How could a self educated man accomplish so much yet remain so humble?

"English mathematician who was first to attempt to devise a theory of electricity and magnetism. This work heralded the beginning of modern mathematical physics in Great Britain.

The son of a prosperous miller and a miller by trade himself, Green was almost completely self-taught in mathematical physics; "

--Encylopedia Brittanica

"English mathematician and physicist who attempted to provide a mechanical foundation for the theory of an elastic solid ether. To do so, he developed the mathematical theory of elasticity, proposing two different theories. In the process, he paved the way to modern theories of electricity and magnetism. Green also derived the laws of optics from a mathematical function expressing the properties of ether in analytic form. His most important work was An Essay on the Application of Mathematical Analysis to the Theories of Electricity and Magnetism (1828), which contained Green's theorem (a special case of Gauss's theorem in the plane). Green's theorem was discovered independently in Russia by Ostrogradski. He recognized for the first time the importance of potential functions in a 1828 paper. He also introduced Green's functions as a means of solving boundary value problems and developed integral transform theorems."

--ScienceWorld Biographies


All while managing a mill and raising 9 kids or some crazy number like that. You have no excuse. I expect great things from you. If nothing happens I will know simply that it was by your choice that such was the case.

You can do it.

I will leave off with a quote from galaxy quest: "Never give up, never surrender".

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Thanks for the reply! I dunno, I feel better for the occasional moan [grin] drinking too many beers doesn't usually help either [rolleyes]

That Green character is pretty impressive [smile] Have kept a reference open for when I get some time today to read it properly...

Cheers,
Jack

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