I woke to the sound of the sun shining in my windows, which was hard to hear through the sound of me awaking from a sleep that I had just awoken from. A cool breeze entered my window, which like most wind, was generated from trees. Trees much like this one:
It was a Tuesday, two days before the big wrestling match that I was going to enter Clancy into. Sure, he didn't actually know about it yet, but I had 2 days to train him up and win the prize money.
As I walked out into the kitchen, I found Clancy asleep on the sofa once again. At least I would have if we had a sofa. Instead I found collapsed on the floor. At least I would if we had a floor. Like most of the floors in the house, the carpet mainly consisted of dirt and ground, giving to the fact that the floor boards had been worn through in most areas of the house. I checked the fridge in the kitchen while Clancy slept, hoping for there to be some eggs to create a milkshake from. I needed to start Clancy on a rigorous training schedule, and I knew from my endless watching of the Rocky movies that having a glass full of eggs in the morning would grantee you victory over any drug fuelled Germans who happened to fight you in the ring. As I mixed Clancy's Egg Milkshake, I wondered how well it would taste after adding in a few ingredients to soften the flavour, owing to the poor time constraints of making the milkshake in, and the lack of any actual eggs.
As I looked around the kitchen, Clancy slowly awoke, coughing up a healthy morning shaped dust cloud
"Hey, whuts wif all da noise?" said Clancy
"Good! You're awake! Time to get you fit and healthy! We need to get you ready for the wrestling tournament" I said
"Whoah!! Wrestling tournament? When is dis happenin?" he asked in question format.
"erm, ok. Turns out there is a wrestling tournament which has a very nice cash prize. I figure if you win, we can make a nice amount of money to do up the farm" I said in answer format
"mmmm" Said Clancy in rebuttal format
"But if we want to win, we need to train you up!" Said I from me
"yew know I was in jail because I killed someone in da championship wrestling dont yew? I dont really need any trainin at all" Said Clancy in a structured reply
"Yes, but you haven't survived MY training camp!!" I swam vigorously.
I pointed Clancy to the paint and canvas I had set up in my room. I explained that the first part to being a successful fighter is to be smart! And as such, he needed to practise some painting! Although he was against the idea at first, Clancy managed to knock out this piece of wonderful art:
Unfortunately, step one of ten took until 2 hours before the wrestling tournament was due to start! My entire training plan was ruined, and now I could only expect Clancy to be beaten to a pulp inside the ring. We had already arrived at the wrestling ring, which was both dark and dim. It reminded me of that sentence just above.
As we stood in line for the wrestler registrations, I tried to explain to Clancy that he really had no hope of winning without my training. Despite my pleading, even bribery with a baked cookie stand, he still registered anyway. He told me to go wait in the stands, and not to worry. How could I NOT worry!? He had no chance against the wrestlers who were half his size and skill!
As I sat in the stands, I began to chew on my face with anxiety. I waited for Clancy to come out, and when finally he emerged I lept to my feet cheering, or at least I would have, had it not been for the fact I didn't. Regardless, I cheered, or not cheered as the case may be, for Clancy anyway. Soon his opponent walked into the ring, who was not much larger than me. He was a terrifying opponent know as, Frank the Duck:
After strutting around for a while, the match soon got underway. Clancy circled his opponent, when suddenly out of the blue, his opponent did nothing particularly amazing! Clancy seized the opportunity and jumped towards Frank, picked him and up and slammed him into the ground. For a duck of his size, he was really quite rabid. He jumped up immediately and flew into the air, launching at Clancy's eyes. In a moment of blood and gore, a taxi driver in New York was killed in an accident involving two buses and a pastry shop. Frank darted underneath Clancy, which in a moment of confusion caused Clancy to slip, slamming into the floor. Frank lept onto his back, holding his face to the ground with his cute little duck wings.
Suddenly Clancy yelled at me. Something about a chair. And getting. Getting a chair. But for what? To use on Frank? Why would he want a chair? Maybe ducks find chairs offensive. No that's not it. Ducks love chairs. Like Howard the duck. He loved his chair! All he wanted was his damn chair! Poor Howard. Poor, poor Howard. Oh wait, the chair! Howard, or Frank, or Clancy wanted the chair. But why? What possible use could a chair be in a wrestling match.
As I pondered the situation, Clancy yelled 'HIT HIM WIF DA DAMN CHARE!'
"CHARE?!" I yelled back
"GET DA CHARE 'N' USE IT TA HIT FRANK!"
" TA!? WHAT THE HELL IS 'TA?!" I Shouted back
Suddenly it all clicked. All the pieces fell into place, much like this would:
Well, not the horses, the puzzle. I severely doubt wether any horse could fit into place much like a puzzle piece, even those who have been specially trained for such a task much like the ones in the photo above. Why, you would need some kind of super horse, which would have to be bred so thin that it was able to live its entire life on a flat 2D plane of cardboard.
So Clancy is currently being pinned by Frank the Duck. Should I:
A) Run at Frank with the chair screaming, giving time for Clancy to enter Berserk Mode using the secret controller tap at the title screen, turning into 'The Harbringer'
B) Start a petition against ducks being able to enter wrestling, having the match cancelled before he can win
C) Tackle Frank to the ground, after which I run like a girl before he catches me