So when I updated last, Clancy was being pinned by Frank the duck in a horrible death match. Clancy was yelling at me about a chair, and I barely had but a second to decipher the code he was using about 'use the chair on Frank'. I had quite a bit of experience with code breaking as my days as a WWII veteran, so figuring out the Vietnamese code that Clancy was using took no time at all.
Suddenly realising what Clancy was talking about, I gave up trying to figure it out to save time. Instead I pushed the chair out of the way and made my way towards the wrestling ring, ready to teach Frank a lesson by tackling him into the floor. A lesson that he would not only learn, but be taught as well. As I walked towards it, I noticed just how scary it looked. To give you an idea of it, here is a photo of it, or at least a photo of the approximate area surrounding it:
As I was about enter the door, a big burly man confronted me. I actually have no idea what burley means, I just hear them use that word a lot on TV. I think Frasier said it once, so it might add a touch of class to this journal if I use that word a lot. I figure if Frasier can have a classy comedy, I can too. So what we need is something classy like...wine reviews!
Wine: A red one
Age: Old I think.
Review: I could tell right away this was a good quality wine. The hobo I stole it off chased me for like 3 blocks before he was shot by a gang, so this must be some good stuff. I didn't have time to find a glass, so I just smashed the bottle open. As I took a small sip, I could taste all the fruity flavours of the rainbow. And glass. A lot of glass. Oh jeez the glass! I'm bleeding everywhere! I can feel it as it grinds its way down my throat. The pain! OH MY GOODNESS THE PAIN!!
Conclusion: This wine nearly killed me, and is now responsible for irreversible damage to my throat. This stuff tasted nothing like I wanted my wine to taste like!
So there was this man standing in my way. I told him I needed to get in to save Clancy, but there seemed to be the notable problem that he was in my way. I figured this was all an accident, and tried to push my way past. As he pushed me back, he blew a cloud of smoke into my face, which I put down to another accident. The more I thought about it though, there was something odd about this man, like I had seen him somewhere before. Then I remembered! He was Burley Boy!
Using his powers of Burley and second hand smoke, he could defeat any foe in the ring with his powers of cancer, and I needed to somehow now get past him. This was bad, bad in the same way Shakespeare might have felt bad when his plays got turned into cheap movies. Of course, the fact that Shakespeare lacked any powers to see into the future would have made it very difficult to forsee this, unlike his brother Nostrdamus who on the other hand would have found it quite easy. Compounding on this problem, he would have found it not only very hard to know that his plays had been turned into cheap movies in the first place, but the fact alone that he would have known about movies and cinemas at all proves that we should be giving him more credit than he deserves. Regardless, Shakespeare was not helping me at this current time, so I needed to figure out how to get past Burley Boy. I had two advantages over him that I could exploit, one being that I was taller than him, the other being that he was shorter than me. I had one shot to get him out of the way, or else Clancy was in serious trouble. Summing up all my strength, I took one last look at the 10 yr old, closed my eyes, and swung as hard as I could at Burley Boy...
Wine: Some crap from a barrel
Review: First off, not only was this wine expensive, but it came packaged with that moron in the background too. I just wanted to get a bottle of wine and be on my way, when the next thing I know this guy is jumping into my car with a keg of wine under his arm. So I take him home, and he starts telling me to be quite, stroking his barrel and testing out the wine. I decided to go into the other room and fetch my shooting gun, but as I got back he had somehow rolled 5 more barrels into my apartment! I was about to shove his body down my toilet when he walks up to me with a glass of wine and tells me to drink it. Having a small sip, it really wasn't too bad. In fact, it was actually quite nice up until the point he shoved the glass into my face and took off with my car keys.
Conclusion: My face is horribly disfigured because of this wine, meaning I will now die a lonely and pathetic life alone in a one-man apartment as I watch soft-core porn in an anime outfit. Because of this review I will never experience happiness or joy again. I hope your happy you bastards.
As my fist made its way towards the face of Burley Boy, Frank started screaming Marilyn Manson lyrics in reverse at the top of its voice, which caused Burley Boy to momentarily turn his head. My fist pounded into his face, sending him flying backwards into the cage. I DID IT! I beat Burley Boy! Or, at least I assumed I did. I opened my eyes to realise he had hit me instead. Somewhere along the way I must of gotten confused, because right now Burley Boy was somewhere in the process of beating the hell out of me. He looked at me and said 'You wanna go in the cage? Fine! Frank will tear 'ya both to pieces!". And with that, he opened the door and threw me in too.
This was the chance I needed! I dragged myself off the floor and ran towards Frank, leaping into the air in his general direction. I felt his soft cute duck face smash into me as we both toppled onto the floor. As I laid there dizzy, Clancy grabbed me by my shirt from behind and pulled my beside him. Now in the ring stood me and Clancy, with Frank and, who must of decided to fight, Burley Boy on the other.
"I run this comp, and if you two idiots can beat us two, you win the money. You got that?"
So this is it. Me and Clancy Vs Frank the Duck and Burley Boy, winner takes all, including the prize money. Now that Clancy is fired up,
A) Hit the button just outside the fence to turn on the 'Death Cage Match' mode, thereby helping us win through the use of smoke machines and locking us inside the cage.
B) Run a investigation into the weaknesses of Frank and Burley Boy, hoping to flaunt their weak spots to win
C) Let Clancy use me as a bat
D) Fake an injury, and when Frank and Burley boy freak out that I could be hurt, jump them