So here we were. Me and Clancy vs. Frank the Duck and Burly Boy, all waiting for someone to make the first move. It was like one of those sci-fi-musical-westerns that play so often in my head, where the main characters are represented by my ever growing fatal personality flaws, most of which cause me to be attracted to naked bus drivers for attention, and become jealous when they drive off. As my mind wandered back to the various mis-encounters with bus drivers and the years of trauma related to it, I began to feel dizzy. Everything around me started to blur, and just as I felt I was going to fall over, I had a vision.
"MEOW RAWR PUR!" it said
"?" I shouted! What was this mysterious message? What was this cat trying to tell me? I needed to figure this out:
Meow and Rawr both contain 4 letters, and Pur contains 3. 4+3 =5, the same number of fingers Moses had on his left hand when he sailed around the world.
Moses sailed for 200 days, which when added to the original 5, gives us 205; The exact number of slaves that were in that boat. Slaves, Moses, and Boat all contain exactly four letters each, give or take a few. Using this as a guide to Chapter 4, page 4, line 4 of the standard insurance guide book, I remembered that all wrestling rings come with a standard 'death cage match' mode. Of course! And 12 in addition to the original 205 gives us a location on a GPS finder roughly in the direction of the left hand side of the cage! Thank you cat prophet!
I yelled at Clancy to keep them busy.
"Clancy, keep them busy"
And keep them busy he did. Now that Clancy was fired up, he leapt at Frank and Burley Boy, using the skin like coating around him as a shield to protect his vital organs such as his heart and uterus. I had but a moment to act, owing to the major flaw in the way time tends to travel forward, which has been a problem ever since Einstein invented time back in the 1500's. Knowing of this flaw, I took off in the direction the cat prophet told me the switch was in. Heres a handy picture of me just before I left
As I reached the edge of the cage, I could see the button on a small panel just outside. The cat prophet was right! I stuck my arm through the cage, trying to reach the button. Luckily I am outfitted with two regulation arms, so this task was made all the more easier. Had I of been say, a squid, I do not doubt that this whole situation would have been harder, owing to the fact we would of all been underwater.
I hit the button, and as predicted 12inch thick metal doors began to swing down. I ran back to Clancy, as the walls closed around us. Now we were totally trapped, with no way out. We were saved!
Then it occurred
OH DAMN YOU CAT PROPHET! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
So now we were totally trapped inside with no way out, and Frank the Duck just sacrificed Burley Boy in some sort of blood ritual to gain 5 level ups Death Magic. By now he was really looking quite different:
Clancy had actually managed to do quite a bit of damage to the little duck, but the fact that Frank was now summoning demons surprised me a bit. I know for a fact that unless you have 8 skill points in Death Magic you can't get the quest to learn the skill 'Summon Demons'. Plus you need to have the sceptre of blood to even have enough mana to cast that spell in the first place. There was no way he was high enough level for that yet. Then the terrible truth hit me:
Frank was running a hack in my damn journal!
No wonder he was speeding through the levels so fast! In a flash of light, Frank suddenly cast 'Lightening orb', which is utter bull because it's a spell from a completely different class! The orb went flying straight for Clancy, who dived out of the way just in time. The orb flew up towards the top of the steel walls around us, exploding into the circuitry, shaking the whole floor. Frank turned to look at me, casting 'Life Drain' on my body. My health dropped, the floor shook more, and I suddenly realised he was going to kill me and steal my items. This sucked so much. Frank seemed to be getting annoyed though.
"Why wont you just die?!" He screamed in his cute little ducky voice
The floors shook more and more, when without warning Clancy started running towards me, pushed me into the corner, and covered me with his body. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming by this point, as nearly all my dreams involve at least one large muscled sweaty man standing over me. A crash echoed around the ring as the walls started coming apart, and as I peaked around Clancy to see where Frank was, I watched as a chunk of the steel wall behind him came off, falling and landing right on top of him. As the walls began to come down more and more, Clancy picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, running towards a hole that had formed in the wall. As we made it outside, I watched as the whole wrestling centre collapsed, with spells still shooting everywhere. Then I passed out due to exhaustion.
As I write this, me and Clancy are back home. We obviously didn't get the prize money though, which is a bit of a problem since we still need to pay all the bills that are due. We were thinking of some ways to get around this though:
A) Go rooting around the sheds at the back for stuff to sell at a garage sale
B) Hold tours of the farm, introducing people to the wonders of noodle farming
C) Create the ultimate drink 'Noodle-Energy', a fizzy noodle beverage to fill you up after a hard day.