The pandas hit the button to open the train roof, drooling down onto the floor. I knew I only had to survive until the next station to meet Clancy, and then we could get out of this city.
The first of the Pandas landed on the carriage floor, looking directly at me and snarling. I wondered what Night Rider would do in a situation like this, but before I could perform the show staring me and David Hasselhoff, I noticed I still had the cell phone in my hand. I quickly started bashing the phone into the chair beside me as the Zombie-Panda slowly made its way to me, with more of them dropping in behind him. I increased the frequency of hitting the phone into the chair by speeding up the speed of my arm moving in downwards motions. I fumbled with the phone, quickly loading up 'Mega Super Fighter Street Plus Turbo Hacks RPG Version Deluxe 8", and threw it at the closest Zombie-Panda. He picked it up, studying the cell phone. It's common knowledge that Pandas can use Cell Phones, so it was no surprise he managed to get to level 10 before the phone burst into flames, engulfing the Zombie Panda in fire. Fire from the mobile phone. The one that just exploded.
The carriage was covered in flames, and I knew I needed to get out of there quick. I ran towards the door that led to the front of the train, sprinting as fast as my little biped legs could carry me. If my mother had not been so selfish and had instead married a Deceptacon I would have been able to move much faster as some kind of vehicle. But as fate would have it, I was stuck in this feeble flesh sack of a body, limiting my movement to sub-light speed travel.
I arrived at the drivers booth, finding the train driver still alive. I asked him if he had noticed anything odd, to which he replied the complete disrespect for the environment. Did you know that hundreds of dolphins wreck the nets of honest fishermen every year? Fishermen with families and wives that fall down stairs daily. The day we don't have to put up with frustrating species such as whales, elephants and the ozone layer, the better off we will all be.
As we planned ways to destroy the environment, I could soon see my station up ahead, and what appeared to be Clancy waiting on the platform. I squealed with glee, but as I did my spider sense detected foot steps behind me. I dived out of the way, and a still partially on fire Zombie Panda leapt over the top of me, landing on the driver. As the Zombie-Panda tore him apart, he soon set his eyes on me. I crapped my pants as quick as I could, and soon the Zombie-Panda was breathing right in my face. Actually, he wasn't breathing at all due to being a zombie, but I needed some way to make him seem very close and dramatic, and that seemed like a useful cheap trick. I swung at its face, knocking it onto the control panel. The train lurched forward into an emergency stop, throwing us both into the window, smashing it open and leaving us dangling on the nose of the train. With the train still moving at a quick pace, the last thing I wanted to do was fall. I tried to poke the Zombie-Panda in the eyes, but quickly realised he actually had none. I punched it in the face as we got closer to the station, but this was returned with swift kick too my test-eagles. As we slid further and further out the window, I grabbed onto the window frame, pushing the burnt Zombie-Panda as hard as I could with my feet. It lashed at my arms trying to get a grip.
Finally slipping, it fell to the ground, disappearing underneath the train with an almighty crunch, like when I accidentally reversed over my grandma when she was playing in the driveway. But unlike now, that time I drove forward as well so I could go back into the house and make sure my fridge was not running away, as an earlier prank call would have me believe. The train finally rolled to a stop.
I'm home now, and I'm pretty sad I never got to sell my drink. I still don't know how me and Clancy are going to pay these mounting bills, and it looks like we may have to sell the farm. This could be the end for us.
Credits for dolphin pic | Credits for zombie pic
