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Man I'm not having a good day today, had a shitty workout at the gym (my usual way of venting) and I'm forced to sit here 15 hours a day working on this game, sometimes I don't want to do it....I just want to be like all my friends/people my age, going to the beach, partying, being a stupid kid, etc. I'm taking time off school right now to make this game, and it really does require me to give up a lot of aspects of my life that I don't want to give up. Just because I don't want to be another attempt at a game, I want to be the best....and it's very difficult to have that attitude sometimes.

Ugh...the flipside of the coin is that I've been given a golden opportunity here, alone in the fact that my parents were nice enough to loan me close to $17,000 of their own money (so far) that I could follow my dream of making this game, I need to do it just for them. I also want this so bad...part of me wants to be the ambitious 20 year old guy making a commercial game by himself....the other part just wants to forget it and hang out with my friends and just bullshit around all day.

I do have a worldwide publishing agreement signed for my game, and I'm on a tight schedule to make the first deadline for the 2006 Independent Games Festival, so I don't have time for anything else these days. My life is my game right now, and I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

I go through this process all the time, and every time I come to the realization that if I can just get this game done everything will be fine....and this time is no exception :-) but damn if it's not difficult sometimes.

In game news: Ragdolls are coming along nicely, I'm polishing them up, and working on adding a picking feature to all the physics objects so I can throw stuff around. Also working on applying a forces to the gunshots so you can shoot every object int the environment. I can't wait to add sounds to all the physics stuff, and make it so you can shoot out windows/tires on the vehicles, that will look very cool in gun fights.

- Dan
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Hey Dan, I feel your pain brother and I am here to back you up 110%. I don't necessarily see it from a game programming position(yet), but when I was oversees in Iraq, I had hundreds of things running through my head and I was working non-stop during the invasion of Iraq (First three days, absolutely no sleep.. But then again, who would want to sleep?). What you're doing is something we all dream of doing and that we all strive to accomplish on a daily basis(most of us anyway). When you finish this you will be a role model to MANY amateur game developers. Save the parting, still chat with your buddies (even if its online), and just remain vigilant.

Let that be some motivation for you. Hang in there buddy, your doing an outstanding job.

If you need anybody to blow off some steam too or just to BS with, send a shout out to my e-mail or my instant messenger.
(aim| aim marine,

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Hi Dan,
I also want this so bad...part of me wants to be the ambitious 20 year old guy making a commercial game by himself....the other part just wants to forget it and hang out with my friends and just bullshit around all day.
It's obvious that you want this game "bad". Money, contracts, relationships...that's a lot of pressure to deal with. Just make sure that you do blow a whole day from time to time. It's hard, I know, but just do it.

Also going at it alone is a tough one. I guess what I'm really trying to say must totally suck to be you. [grin] At least that's what I think about myself whenever I get under a lot of pressure. I once read somewhere that the secret to being a good developer is eating right (not left) and exercising, never quitting, and practicing Zen. I like that combination, but you're going to have to find your own balance.

It's good to try to detach yourself from your work. Successful people tend to identify with what they do rather than who they are. This adds additional pressure to succeed because the whole identify is at stake. Being able to seperate these two will allow for a more peacful experience.

...but damn if it's not difficult sometimes
Stop your whining and get back to work you big baby! [grin]

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Although what you've done so far is amazing, I don't understand why you don't get a couple of people to help you out and you take the role of the leader of the team. Since you already got a deal it should be easy to find good people. The days of the one-man-show in the industry are gone, I mean you're not really planning on working by yourself all your life, are you? Noone is going to play the game if you burn out in the middle of it.

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

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Hey thanks for the replys guys.

mikeman, that's in intersting point. I'm not planning on working by myself forever. For my first title it's all about maximizing profits though. I guess I've worked with 6-7 different people actually so far, I've had 2 3D artists, 3 voice actors, and 1 animator that I can think of off the top of my head.

I'm trying to stay as small as possible, for as long as possible. I could do what I do now, and make this game out of a cardboard box with a internet connection, and a computer. I don't need anything else really, that's about as cost effective as you can get. The downside is that this is a large strain on me.

Most of the programming work is done on the game and I can get the rest done in a timly fashion if I stay on it.

Besides, by the time he/they gets up to speed enough with my engine, enough to actually be a help, I'll be done with it.

I'm reaaaally close to getting this thing ready, it'll just take a few more months of honest work on my part. I had to blow off some steam yesterday, you guys understand :-)

- Dan

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I'm doing pretty much the same thing, although I do have a partner ( although due to the state of flux he hasn't contributed that much yet ), and I have more $$ to play around with.

I started numerous projects throughout my life and never finished. The fact that you've started so early almost guarantees success in my mind, if not right now in the next few years.

Take heart, you are so much further along that I was at your age, and your game looks great.

I'm truly looking forward to playing it.

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You sound like you might be close to burning out. If you can afford it take a few days off and release some steam. If you're not contractually obligated to the deadline for the Independent Games Festival, ask yourself how important this deadline actually is. Would missing the festival do more harm than good (it would be a loss of free marketing though)? Or would it possibly help you and the game development in the long term?

Right now you're the envy of everyone who reads the journals, I think that everyone here wishes their games had the look and polish of Gang War. What you've done so far is probably better than most of us lone developers here could ever hope to accomplish, be proud of that.

Some time off might not kill you, if only to help you regain some focus. Go out with some friends from time to time, take the time to do some things you enjoy, and definately keep up with the workouts - keeping the body exercised and strong helps keep you mentally focused.

wish you the best

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