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Alright I''m making this story for a rpg.It follows a young girl named Tamara that goes to this kinda military academy for future knights.Trouble starts at this town called Tul''me .The monsters have been acting up all over lately but it finally comes to a head at this town but since the monsters around this town are known to be low level they send a group of cadets out for a training session. When you get there monsters are ravaging the town.You fight your way through the town sooner or later you meet a girl named Demetria.Demetria is part of the last group of soldiers that went into Tul''me when the trouble first started .Demetria is extremely rattled because she''s a rookie and she watched all her fellow soldiers die at the hands of creatures that weren''t normally found near Tul''me.I say watched because the rookie was terrified and couldn''t act. Alright after you defeat the main monster and have a talk with a demonness named Terra you black out (Tamara has this cool Transformation ability but it takes a lot out of her).Terra takes a glowing orb off of the pedastal. You wake up later in Stovo.You have a little conversation with Demetria and she tells you what happened and that she received orders to go to Denevan for court martial.You have to decide whether you''re going to stand by her side when she gets to Denevan or are you going to leave her to her fate.Either way you get charged with bringing her in for court martial. Alright you have a few more adventures on your way to Denevan a side quest where you get a chance to pick up a new character.A visit to a old wise man to find out more about the object that Terra took from the church. And then you go to Denevan. The people of course can''t stand Demetria and if you chose to Stand by her they can''t really stand you either.Guilty by association. Alright here''s where I''m getting to the point of this post.Alright you''re having the trial but somewhere in the middle of it (pretty much at the beginning I didn''t want to bore anyone).The intruder alert sounds.Monsters have infiltrated the base.Alright depending on your choice if you chose to stand by Demetria she joins your party and you race to fight the advancing demon horde and then fight another boss at the end of it.And by you and Demetria''s swift action exonerate her from the court martial.If you chose to not stand by her then Terra is with the demon horde and she liberates Demetria and ask her to join them.Since noone stood by her she joins them.(How''s that for consequences).Alright either way you have to fight a boss and after the fight is over the boss makes some comment about an attack on WrenWorth the military academy you came from and the fact that you can''t be in two places at once. You race over to Wrenworth either by foot if you didn''t take the side quest and got the teleportation amulet or you teleport there if you did.You fight more monsters and you run into downed soldiers that tell you the main monsters are in the basement level command center and that the leader had started a self destruct sequence.You race against time to defeat the remaining monsters and defeat the boss there but after you defeat him you try to stop the self destruct but you can''t.The only thing you can do is reset the device to give you and the others enough time to escape.You fight your way back out and once you get out.WrenWorth is destroyed but your true quests to find the remaining orbs and to stop the demon gate from opening begins. My question basically is do you think giving the sequence of events .Do you think WrenWorth gets destoryed too soon.I mean you want the player to feel some sense of loss.How can I convey that.Any suggestions.I know it was long but I wanted to give you sense of the length of time between starting the quest and WrenWorth''s destruction . The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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Guest Anonymous Poster
A slight aside... i think it may be frustrating for the player to fight their way down, only to be unable to do something, then have to turn and fight their way back up.

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Stuff like that is exactly what I want to hear.Alright so what do you suggests then.That if I have it where the self destruct can''t be shutoff the least I could do is to not have them fight their way back out again??I wish I could do a little movie sequence but I don''t have the skills for that.

I thought of there being two branches off of this point where if she defeated the monster in time WrenWorth would be saved but it seemed a tall order to program and I had a harder time figuring out why the headmaster would continue to let a cadet and a possible cowardly rookie to continue on this quests.

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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Im getting a wierd final fantasy 3/7, lufia, and chrono trigger vibe from this story, but never mind (they were great stories anyway).

Does the player have any emotional attachment to Wrenworth? If you only want a little loss then have no attachment. I think its better to have a lot of loss though.

It really pushes the player when they have a bad guy they really want to kill. Maybe you could develop a preplot where you start off in Wrenworth. As a kid you and perhaps your young love(something like ff7) stumble upon something and let out "the bad guy" (guilt, sort of like in Terranigma). It escapes (maybe kills off a few people in the process, like your parents and u are forced into the army) and the years pass.

You''ve probably decided on Terra as "the bad guy" and she orders the distruction of Wrenworth. You may also want her to have some confrontation with your young love who inevidablly dies in the process (death is such a great writers tool).

That way, as you go through the game you are trying to:
-Recover the orbs
-Rediem yourself in the eyes of the people and gain their respect
-Compensate for unleashing this terror
-Revenge the loss of your village
-But most importantly, revenge the loss of your love
Hopefully you can get so many emotions going that the player will be forced into finishing the game.

It would also be a real kick in the arse if what Terra was trying to accomplish was something that would be beneficial to the rest of the people. Of course you reveal this at the end of the game and it makes you feel (if you were playing) that you let your emotions loose and disregarded everybody else. All the makings of a good ending...something different...make the person inevidablly loose, that is.


"Free advice is seldom cheap."

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Well I am a big FF fan I''m not going to lie about that.But honestly I hadn''t even realised the similarities to both stories until you said so.Originality is a lot harder than people think I guess.The character would have a pretty good attachment to WrenWorth.But the problem is whether I can get the player to also feel that.So that when WrenWorth is destroyed they''ll feel a great deal of loss over it too.Before you get way into the story you had to sneak Shiro (Tamara''s mischeivous friend ) back into Wrenworth without being seen by any of the guards.(Shiro has been confined to quarters).Once you''re in Wrenworth you get to roam around talk to others in the base.Learn some things about the battle system .Even spar in the gym a little.But some of your ideas aren''t too bad.Maybe a little prequel where we find out the circumstances leading up to her wanting to join the military and come to Wrenworth to train.And Tamara accidentally releasing the evil she must now stop is a nice touch too.I''ll see what I can do with those.Thanks alot!!

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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Make sure that if you''re having bonus characters they are written into the story and properly developed. Final Fantasy VII achieved this well, Final Fantasy VI didn''t.

There are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who don''t.

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Well I understand where ya coming from Jimmy.I''m trying to work on that now.I have good enough stories for them meeting up with Tamara but finding good enough reasons for them to join the party and stay is something else.But I''m pretty sure I''ll work it all out in time.

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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the big flaw i noticed thats not mentioned is the whole teleportation vs going by foot dont change anything. i would suggest the following changes (btw i may use town instead of academy, in either case i am referring to WrenWorth):
1. if the player bothers getting the teleportation device either have it not work due to the tele pad at the town has been truned off by the invading force (or power was lost, etc). this forces the player to go by foot and could never get there early.

2. instead maybe having the teleportation device allows saving of the town. it being destroyed or surviving does not have too much bearing on the story from what i see. you cant convey a feeling of losing something unless the player gets attached to it. things like killing characters off is silly since the player wonders "why could i not just use a phoniex down/life spell?" though it could work since the player no longer has access to the character regardless of how silly the notion of them dying is. ff4 had a sequecne in which twin magicians saved the lives of your party (the twins were a part of the party at the time as well) by casting stone on themselves to stop walls from crushing the party. square was able to play off the "just use soft on them" bit by saying that their determination in casting the spell on themselves made it stronger thus soft would not work. the player feels a loss since they could no longer use those characters. ff4 also had another sequence in which characters got thrown overboard a ship after being with them a while, thus causing you to search for them. destroying towns works, but only if you actually start the game in the town and it was home base for a bit. the player will be familar with it thus losing it forces them to go out into the unknown. flashbacks dont help much since the player wont care as much. they will know that the main character is feeling a loss, but the player wont feel a loss and will just ocntinue with the game. if the player has to walk by the area where the loss occered (ie is able to visit the destroyed town during rebuilding, see the stone statures of their saviors, etc) it graetens the impact.

3. having good stories for extra characters is not 100% required. i actually found the ff6 secret characters more fun, and rewarding to get. imaginitive secret characters is more important. though i am from old school rpgs (ie 2d top down snes, nes), so i like wierd humor in the games and dont mind playing a little connect the dots in the story. i perfer gameplay of the story.

4. careful with branching choices. some may lead to inconsistencies when you start mearging them which may lead to you having to create multiple endings and events being handlded diffrently depending on previous choices. while its a good thing to have, it creates a lot more work. not sure hoe involved you plan to get, nor if you dont mind the extra work. remember consistency is the key. also give a good reason that the player would want a particular character on their team besides "more the merrier", "really powerful", "looks cool", etc. make the character an important part of the story (though all dont have to be revealed, just enough so the player can make the association that the character in question is worth having). also since the character is being added no matter what the player says, you may wish to rethink how the interaction goes.

5. the bomb should not be just reset because the question "why cant the bomb be reste multiple times until a way to disarm it is found" could pop up. also fighting out is cool, and foghting out is not too bad, but make sure the encounters heading out are not random but purposly placed creatures at certain points. also have treasure boxes lying around that were unreachable on the way in, but some how can now be reached once the boss is destroyed/flees. you could just say that the academy is crumbling due to fires and damage taken and give a time limit to escape before crumbling. ff5 did this in one scene. whats nice is you can hide some good armour, weapons, rare items, tc in the chests and the brave player may go for them and risk the extra time and battles. the player could opt to get only a few chests (make sure not all have vaulable stuff), and then leave since they dont think they could beat the clock. just make sure that its possible to get all the chests, and leave within the time given.

hope that helps a bit.

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Thank you so much.This is exactly why I decided to put this thread up.Instead of you getting halfway in the game and finding out "Hey this dosen''t match up" you get everything out into the open.Well I thought about what you said.Number one is about the teleportation amulet vs. having to foot it.I''ve seen alot of games that have it where the concept of time is pretty much irrevelant.One good example of this is ff7 at the point where you''re after the Geneka.You can spend all day in the forest if you want but you''re always "just in time" to catch the plane taking off everytime.But since it was a kind of weird part in the game that made me wonder why hurry to anything you''re probally right.

I have to say your thoughts on making the loss of Wrenworth felt made me think a good bit.So now I have to think between not having as big a impact as I originally wanted or adding a couple of missions before Tul''me where Tamara and her party come back to WrenWorth afterwards.



The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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I like what you''ve written so far. Perhaps if possible make the the contents of the academy''s chests random. That''ll make it so the contents of each chest can''t be memorized. Will make it interesting each time they play it again. Then risk is heightened. Also just like to say that I appreciate the idea of them fighting down to the basement and having to fight out before it blows up. Letting the bad guys have a battle or two may increase the importance and urgency of the game for players.

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Hey thanks TechnoHydra (smooth name by the way you mind if I use that as a boss).I think that''s a pretty good idea as long as the good stuff is in chests somewhere evertime.I think that can actually work and not be terribly hard to program either.Thanks everyone for talking with me .The story is coming along.I''m looking at all the advice I was given and seeing which ones I can incorporate into the story.Since it''s just at the story stage right now and we''re just getting around to making some of the sprites anything is fair game.Thank you all again and good luck on your projects as well.

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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Yeah go ahead and use the name if you''d like. About the chests, I imagine that if you had a list of contents you wanted in the academy you could have the game pick an item for a chest randomly and mark the that item off the list so it''s not used again. Then it would just move onto the next one until all the chests or items were done. That way you could control what items are available without having to control exactly where they''re put. Hope you keep your enthusiasm for the project long enough to see it develope into the full game.

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Thanks TechnoHydra.Yeah I get worried about that too.But I had this thing in my head for so long.Normally things don''t stay with me this long but this one here is something I keep coming back to.I would love to see it on the computer screen.So I really think I will see this project to the end.As for your suggestion I was thinking the same thing.It sounds like that part would be easy enough to program.I wonder why no one else thought of it before.It would solve alot of redundancy in games.Hold on I just thought up an aswer.If you made it where you switch contents to the boxes everytime you played then you couldn''t sell those nifty game guide books later on.But I don''t care so I''m going with the random treasure box idea heh.Walkthroughs be damned!!

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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There you go make them work for it. Have you thought of setting up a simple website for the game? It might help you stay focused if you had to update it often. Plus it''s a good way to organize the design document, and any concept art you might make for it.

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Yeah I''m working on it.It''s nowhere complete enough to let you have the url but I have started on it.While I was making the story I would draw the characters.I think my character designs are pretty good.I might have to surrender some control though since it is becoming abundantly clear that I have a long ways to go as far as creating good sprites.So I might have to find someone to do that part for me.

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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I must say that it is a good game idea.

One way to make the Wrenworth event more important is if you have a character who is dear to Tamara in the hot seat during the event. The most suitable person might be her mentor. This way, you might also be able to add a training mission with her mentor before she goes off to Tul''me. It could be a short tutorial type event which shows the new user how the game functions.

So for the Wrenworth event, the downed soldier could tell Tamara that her mentor went down alone to the command post and he/she is heavily outnumbered. (You might be able to work in the teleporter thing here - If you come on foot, you don''t make it in time to save her mentor, etc).

Hope this helps a little.

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Yeah, you might have the mentor being held captive by the section boss enemy in the basement command center. You go down there fight and defeat the enemy, and as the enemy''s last act it kills the mentor. I would suggest making the mentor an older man with a white beard that always seems to bear more weight in the emotional attachment department. That just compounds with the lose of the base.

Another thing I''ve seen in some games that I liked is the idea of acomplishing your mission then jumping into the characters future where you find out it didn''t end there. Can''t remember which SNES game I played where it jumped ahead half a year or so. By this time some had married and life had gone on. But now they were all thrown back into the fray. FF3 also did something like this. Bout halfway through the world gets ripped to shreds and you jump can''t remember how long into the future. Just some ideas for plot development.

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hehehe perfect!!!Rhelik is the name of the head instructor.He would fit the bill perfectly.He''s like the founder of WrenWorth so it works with the story perfectly.If Fenris (that''s the bosses name at the WrenWorth stage) kills Rhelik then WrenWorth pretty much dies with him and I''m not stuck in the arkward position of Tamara asking Rhelik for a leave of absence.
Which frees her to go on this quest. Thanks guys.

The road to hell is paved in good intentions

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