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demonrealms

Comments-Storyline for new game

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Hey, First off thanks to all of you who have helped me so far with my problems. This site has really helped me alot. I was wondering if anyone thought this was an ok-good storyline, (NOTE: I welcome comments and ideas) By the way this is just started so I don''t have everytihng worked out so if it seems a little rocky try to work with me. Well here it goes- Title-Demon Realms of the Underworld The main charicter in this game is a demon. Setting-Sort of sword time(there this advanced technology though) StoryLine-It all started when the secret mining orgenization figures out your a demon and decides your too risky to be free. (He''s about 8 years old then)They come to his house, murder his family and put him in the secret slave mining coorperation. He''s lied to(about what happened in his past), and forced to do the most dangerous. dirty work of all and hardly gets any sleep. Then when he''s about 20, a huge blast ehco''s through the cave,(it''s an accident) killing him. He get''s sent to the realms and a God-like person tells him the truth, telling him about how the mining corp murdered his family. Hatred goes through Sathenzar(he''s the main char) like poisen. He vowes that he will return one day. And take revenge on the world. From then on, the realms of the underworld turns to The Demon Realms of the Underworld. Then pretty much you return(no duh) and thats all thats been decided so far. Suggustions? or anything else fo that matter.

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quote:
Original post by demonrealms
I was wondering if anyone thought this was an ok-good storyline,



This should be posted in the Game Design/Writing forums.

quote:
Title-Demon Realms of the Underworld


I don''t like the title. It sounds like some corny name a little child might make up (this is in no offense to you, that''s simply how the title comes across to me). Use a clever name, something catchy and that people will remember.

quote:
Setting-Sort of sword time(there this advanced technology though)


Huh? Swords were used throughout most of history up until some hundred years ago. Be specific..it''s hard to get a clear understanding from "swords and advanced technology".

quote:

StoryLine-It all started when the secret mining orgenization
figures out your a demon and decides your too risky to be free.
(He''s about 8 years old then)They come to his house, murder his family and put him in the secret slave mining coorperation. He''s lied to(about what happened in his past), and forced to do the most dangerous. dirty work of all and hardly gets any sleep. Then when he''s about 20, a huge blast ehco''s through the cave,(it''s an accident) killing him. He get''s sent to the realms and a God-like person tells him the truth, telling him about how the mining corp murdered his family. Hatred goes through Sathenzar(he''s the main char) like poisen. He vowes that he will return one day. And take revenge on the world.


Eh.. Sorry, but I''m really not liking it. It looks like you started off with an idea (demon boy and evil mining corporation), and basically kept throwing more and more ideas on. It doesn''t work, and it doesn''t sound too interesting.

What is this mining corporation? Why do miners have such a big control over the world? What kills the boy? Why does the boy want to seek revenge on the whole world because some mean miners made him work there?

quote:
From then on, the realms of the underworld turns to The Demon Realms of the Underworld.


Huh?

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