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Bombario

My sad attempt at a storyline. Vet designers--look at this please. I want help.

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MY ATTEMPT AT A STORYLINE: This game takes place in a totally different universe than that of ours. The solar system humans live in: Center- The Sun (Star name: "Empisto-sunai"; after the greek word for trust; called "Empisto" for short) Planets - rotate around it in totally different paths (Like electrons/protons in an atom around the nucleus) The race of your character (Kusitè; pronounced "coo-see-tay"; comes from greek word for confuse) is one that looks similar to humans. They have arms, legs, 10 fingers and toes, etc. This race, however, is "powered" by "eating" a little slug-like animal (Singular - Krott; Plural - Kroth)that grows on their planet, burrowing about 15 feet into the ground in little colonies (shaped similar to ant colonies, but bigger). Its breeding season never ends, and it multiplies fast. It has a special chemical (Thavios) in its blood that gives it energy. It is also known as common knowledge that the only other source of the same kind of energy is in Kusite blood (which carries the same chemical roughly 50 times more abundantly; the Kusitè don''t need much anyways, so if need be, a group of 10 of them could last on one body for 5 days or so) The Kusitè planet, Aphthonos, has much in the way of resources. There are literally mountains made of different metals. Pockets of oil everywhere. etc, etc. Their race is in an industrial age. They actually used to be VERY technologically advanced. There was a huge disease that spread, doing as much damage as the black plague, only throughout the whole planet (long ago), known only as The Cancer. As a result, very few lived who know the technological secrets that the whole race once knew. The human planet (remember, this is a dif universe) is called Ghae (Pronouced "Hi") and is quickly running out of resources. The oceans and atmosphere are terribly polluted from past ages, though most everything is solar powered now. Metals are becoming rare, though new ways of creating artificial metals, etc are being found. They have immense technology. When astronauts found life on Aphthonos, the government got interested fast (the planets are very, very far apart), though it was kept secret within the government. When they found out that it had the metals they needed, they would almost do anything to get control. The humans easily found about the Kroth and their connection to Kusitè. They sent covert teams to harvest these slimy creatures, needing only soil rich in minerals to soak into their bodies in order to live. After having done some experiments, they created a toxin to them, (actually a tiny, tiny insect that crawled inside a Krott body and ate its organs)and released it onto the planet Aphthonos. Their mission was a success, now they only had to wait for the race of Kusitè to die off so they could harvest their precious resources. Very few of the Kusitè knew exactly what''s going on (with the humans). There was a small group of them who survived the age of The Cancer by escaping into a ship. Their offspring live now, in that same ship, once nameless, now known as the Star Ship Absolution, built with immense stealth capability. They are in constant watch over their own race, so to speak, also keeping tabs on humans. The incredible technology they possessed included almost infinite surveillance capability. They knew about the mission to kill off all life on Aphthonos, and could do nothing to stop it. So they did all they could do. They set out to destroy all who knew about Aphthonos and the operation there. They finished their mission--or so they thought. One scientist evaded their reach. They found out about Dr. Neil Rencher years after their mission was over by looking through salvaged records of the operation on Aphthonos. To this day they haven''t found Rencher... ------------------------------ Now, I''m thinking of making it so you start out as a normal Kusite citizen in a ruined Aphthonos city, with chaos around. (none of the above really known) You walk around, talking to other Kusite, some bringing up flashbacks of things, to help you know the story of why everything is in desolation (because the Kroth are dying). The game will be set up so there''s only one way to go out of the city, into basically wasteland/desert. you travel out, and all of a sudden, the sky flashes, and you see a trail of light heading for your general direction. You see huge flames shooting out at the ground from the object, seconds before It ricochets off the sand, which is very lighty packed(very fine grain), like a rock skipped on water ...It turns out to be the Star Ship Absolution, surprizingly in ok shape because of the shock absorbed by the sand. The crew inside is obviously dead from the crash. However, the metal hull took all the damage, and most of the equipment inside is in working condition. You go inside, and in a tightly packed nutshell, discover the training machine thingy that teaches how to use the whole ship, etc. (put in there to teach the new generations how to use the ship, etc) You look @ the info in the ship''s database, discover all about everything w/ the humans and stuff, and basically set out on an adventure to somehow get to Ghae to find Dr. Neil Rencher and force him to make some cure for the little Kroth. w00t! --------------- This is the first thing I''ve ever written. I don''t have a lot of experience with game design or development. So.... Gimme any tips or whatever. Be as nice/harsh as you want...

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Well, nice story, but it''s not really a game design. From a design perspective it could all be paraphrased as "you have a spaceship and you need to find some guys".

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nice story.

my oppinion

if the game is about traveling in space, then its boring, because u see same thing every level or any time.

u dont have to have the history of Kusitian where they once were very technology advanced. just say this is a yong planet and yong system.


my suggestion

everything in Kusitian''s perspective. for example, when they first leaned that human exist, they call their planet ghae, but later on when main character interact with humans, he found out that humans call their planet "earth"

btw change human in Kusitian too.

some flaws

if the spaceship that crashed came from earth, and had a manual in there, the main character will not able to understand it, because its written in human language not in Kusitian language.

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Woot indeed! How about having it so that the game flicks between playing at the scientest and the Kusite, and you slowly figure out what is going on as you play these two characters. To be really cool, you could have them in different time lines (or maybe the Kusite dreams, which is when the story about the scientest kicks in), so that the scientest talks to the guys in the ship at one point, but the Kusite only saw them smeared on the ship. The game could finish with them meeting in the end, maybe even throwing in a twist that the two players merge at the end (at which point the player thinks "Hang on, how the hell am I going to control both of these...WHAT THE!?".

Awesome story indeed.

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It is a very nice story, but not really a game.

-- Steve --
Blue Fang Games

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Thanks everyone
Sorry about putting it in the wrong forum, heh...
I didn't get to the second post that I was meaning to make.
I was going to say that it'd be kind of an action/rpg type of thing. You'd have to find a way to get off the planet. Now, the whole thing is in ruins, so you'd have a pretty cool world to work with. I'd probably make multiple (read 2-4 at most) ways the player can eventually get off the planet, ranging from finding people who survived The Cancer, to learning how to build their own spaceship, to fixing The Absolution. You then have to make it to Earth, and it'll be a whole different thing since u look "different". You'll basically have to be avoiding any authorities, etc. I'd also have you meet "companions" along the way.

I thought it'd be possible to include other outside races, and maybe having the humans die out in the very end...

EDIT: Boolean, you have some great ideas there.

[edited by - bombario on May 30, 2003 2:56:23 PM]

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I liked all the nice touches of what the aliens eat and what natural resources there are. It made it feel like a real planet. However there were two flaws I didn''t like:

- You made the humans to seem very cruel, perhaps gamers may not like that

- The character needs more development. I have no idea why he just took up this space quest.

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quote:


- You made the humans to seem very cruel, perhaps gamers may not like that



I disagree. I wrote a story a while back about a planets last two days as they were being caught in war that was going on between the ''Brotherhood of Man'' and the clones they created. It was never really said until the end of the story who was who, and just about everyone who read it assumed it was three made up races. I made the BOM seem like the most cruelest, meanest bastards ever created, with their most brilliant plan to stop a threat was to make a bigger weapon, no matter the cost to those around them. Everyone was thinking this race were a bunch of pricks, and when they found out that they were actually us, they were very surprised. So I say go for it; Humans are bastards. Look what we do to our planet...imagine when we start controlling space....




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