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Squarefox

--------> Please check this out -------->

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Please check out this webpage. We need your trained eyes to check our wegpage for errors, due the fact that we are no native english speakers. Your opinions are also welcome! http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de Kind Regards, Squarfox

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English looked fine to me.

Not my kind of game though

Plus, it looks like a Half-Life map compiled without any light...

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Yes, the screens are a little bit outdated now. We are currently in the techdemo-stage and the demo keeps looking better from day to day.
We will update this soon.

Squarefox

[edited by - Squarefox on July 29, 2003 6:24:10 AM]

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This site is horrible!
Look at this menu on this site :
http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/screenshots.htm

I can''t read those lables, you should kick your designer in his but

No ofense of course (you wanted an opinion)

.:3delavnica.com:. Slovenian digital colture
Another day, another bug

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I''d have to agree about the menu labels, a little contrast would not hurt - they are unreadable.

Marijn

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Since you ask specificaly for help with wording....

Some suggestions:
page: http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/human_assassin.htm
- First Paragraph, Second line of the description: change "don not" to "do not"
Second Paragraph, Second line change "good" to "well"

page: http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/dwarven_cleric.htm
- change "drinking some beer" to "drink beer"
- "affection to beer, combat and gold of course" to "affection to beer, combat and of course gold".
- "The most" to "Most".
- Change "Therefore they have developed an intense knowledge for mining and combat – also cause they like both." to
- "Therefore they have developed an intense knowledge of mining and combat – also because they like both."
- Maybe change "more gold and better stuff." to more gold and other treasure."


Page: http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/elven_archeress.htm
- Remove the second "and" from "With sharpened eyes and superior dexterity the Elven Archeress and is unmatched in ranged combat."
- "The Elves love their freedom, their nature and the art of archery." By "their nature" do you mean the nature of the elves or nature as in the surrounding trees, waterfalls, etc? If you mean nature as in he surrounding trees, waterfalls, etc; remove "their".
- "kind of bows" to "kind of bow"
- maybe change "and intense usage of it." to "and through intense practice"
- "Her skills comprise the ability" I think you mean "Her skills include the ability"
- change "simply sniper them" to "simply snip them"

page: http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/xylanthen_mage.htm
Change "In Combat the Mage is unmatched in the use of magic." to "In Combat, the Mage is unmatched in the use of magic."

The graphics are pretty good, but I do have to agree that the lettering on the labels needs to be clearer.

Kars

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German?

Anyways, you might mean for them to be this way, but it isn't English. When you roll over the images at the top (Project Noghal, The Team, Links), you get "Projekt Noghal" and "Das Team" instead of "Project Noghal" and "The Team"...

When you go to the Project Noghal site - there are a few errors:

first: & # 8222 ; gives you a weird quote thing instead of the simple " " that normal people use. Tell you what: Bold is a change:

" Noghal - Forgotten Legends" //FIX QUOTES// is an Action-Adventure-Roleplaying-Game for the PC //REMOVE COMMA, WHICH TO THAT// that uses the proven Nebula-Engine to set the player in the role of a hero of his choice in an absolutely //ADD AN E// epic and dramatic saga //REMOVE COMMA// that plays in the mystic fantasyworld of Noghal.

//ON YOUR WAY WHERE?//
On your way you fight with your sword, axe, spells, and other //CHANGING FORMAT, OR TO AND// weapons against dangerous //REMOVED// enemies and //REMOVED// survive dangers like //SUCH AS TO LIKE// torrential rivers, snow covered mountains //OR TO AND// ancient trap- loaded //HYPEN// dungeons.

Through //ON TO THROUGH// your struggle against ever- increasing //HYPHEN// dangers, //ADDED COMMA// not only is //ADDED IS// your skill in combat //REMOVED IS// important, //REMOVED// your cleverness and tactics //CHANGED, REMOVED, ETC// can also be the key to surviving, because you can end up as the next orcmeal very easily…

Therefore, //CHANGED, COMMA// you have to properly //TENSE// use your special abilities, //REMOVED// equip your character effectively //CHANGED// and be very //CHANGED// careful in the //EDIT// deep forests…

As you advance in your //CHANGED// long adventure, you will //ADDED// meet new allies and fight //ADDED// new enemies as you //CHANGED// discover your role //REMOVED// in this conflict…

-geo
MEB | MEB Mk3 | Horns | Jazz | CGuard | WGuard | Perc | DCP | 4E3: Ele | Chem | redeye | redeyeV2

[edited by - Avatar God on July 29, 2003 7:22:17 PM]

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On the same page, same rules apply.

Key Features: //MADE TWO WORDS

Innovative Gameplay: enjoy an exciting mixture of action, adventure and roleplaying

Epic Storyline : experience a //REMOVED - Makes no sense// dramatic saga in the Noghal-Universe

Thrilling Multiplayer: playable with up to 8 players simultaneously over LAN and the internet

Movielike Narration : enjoy in-game cut sequeces and great video sequences which further tell the story of this saga

Five Different Character Classes: //CAPS// feel the //REMOVED// difference between the Krunark Berserker, Human Assassin, Dwarven Cleric, Elven Archeress and //REMOVED// Xylanthen Mage

Clever Enemies : be threatened by enemies who run for reinforcements, set traps and encircle you

Brilliant Atmosphere : experience great sound and music background, weather effects and a wonderful day & night cycles

Impressive //TENSE// 3D //REMOVED HYPHEN// Graphics: enjoy the power and the effects of the proven Nebula-Engine (made by Radon Labs)


On all of these, make sure you keep all your spacing the same (Narration : versus Narration


-geo
MEB | MEB Mk3 | Horns | Jazz | CGuard | WGuard | Perc | DCP | 4E3: Ele | Chem | redeye | redeyeV2

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Character Classes:

This page will be updated in the future.No kidding. With what?

You can just take my word on the edits. I don't want to bold and explain them all...

The Krunark Beserker
http://www.harbinger-entertainment.de/noghal/krunark_berserker.htm

With the might of a polar bear, the speed of a leopard and the cunning of a fox, the Krunark Berserker combines all the raw power of animal nature. Coming from the vast wilderness of the snow-covered Krun-Drillinge, the Berserker is well prepared to deal with the dangers of an adventurous life.

The Krunark are a nomadic lizard culture who live in the high north of Noghal. Their tribes wander around to find new places to hunt and live, always living in balance with their natural environment. Each tribe is associated with one totemic animal that guards the Beserkers.

In combat, the Berserker is a real powerhouse of damage-dealing, but is also able to take a good deal of damage. He is capable of using several abilities to support his natural melee focus. He can jump into combat with blood-lust or use his mighty voice to bring new courage to his allies and intimidate his enemies; Not the least of his abilities is his mastery of two-weapon fighting.


Skilled in :

Axes & Polearms

Throwing Weapons

Nature Magic


Strength : 70
Dexterity: 40
Mental Power : 30
Constitution : 60
-> Hit Points : 220 //EDITED. Two capitalized words.



Special Abilities:
Blood-lust : Brings the character in a berserker-like frenzy, in which he can easily walk through hordes of enemies

Warcry : The character releases a powerful war cry that intimidates enemies and goad on allies to new strength

Jump Attack : Enables the character to make a jump to attack enemies from the air with a mighty blow

Two-Weapon Fighting (passive) : Enables the character an excellent usage of two one-handed melee weapons at the same time



[edited by - Avatar God on July 29, 2003 7:31:07 PM]

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this isn''t a translation issue that you asked for, but...

"clerics" generally refer to a religious figure (priest) or at least a healer-type. your "dwarven cleric" seems to be another fighter-type, so maybe you should name it something more appropriate.

maybe there is more to it that i missed, though.

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