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Dharro

translation problem

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I''m a german game designer and I''m trying to translate the webpage for our latest online game. Technical englich is no problem, but with that text I reached my limits. The following two sentences may sound a little rough?!? ---- Go chasing for insects in our new online game, because Your kids are getting hungry... ---- And that''s quite a hard job, because theire appetite increases the older they grow. ---- (ahem: the subject is a bird!) Could anyone native-speaking post their opinion or even some better suggestions, please? Greeting from Germany, Dharo

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Not bad. The term for a young bird is "chick", if you didn''t know, and you might want to use "chicks" instead of "kids" in the first sentence.

I would replace "the older they grow" with "as they grow older", but that''s just me.

Overall, a good job, and I''m pleased to see you doing this. Often, poor translations slip past because nobody bothers to show the text to a native speaker before publishing. Kudos.

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It is possibly only a typo, but make certain you say "their", without the "e" on the end.

Also, "Your" does not need a capital "Y".

The grammar you have is correct. But you may want to consider what Iron Chef stated, because his version does flow a little better.

Sehr gut!

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I agree with all of the above, especially the praise to you for remembering that translated writing should be ghostwritten by a native speaker for best effect. I myself was hired to ghostwrite a Russian game called _Spells of Gold_ last year, and I found that the instructions and other technical writing needed ghostwritten almost as much as the prose did. I am also currently editing a _Lord of the Rings_ story for a German friend of mine - she''s writing in English, but I''m helping her make it sound more smooth to her native English readers.

Hmm, actually I do disagree with one thing above - I wouldn''t use ''chicks'', I would use ''babies'', because ''chicks'' can also mean women and only some birds'' babies are referred to as chicks. Baby chickens are called chicks, but baby swans are called cygnets, baby owls are called owlets, and so forth. Also, if this is a children''s game or a game appealing to people with mothering instinct, the word ''babies'' will trigger the player''s emotions more strongly.

The word ''hard'' is kind of boring - you might replace it with ''hectic'', or ''challenging'', or ''tiring''.

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