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neogoukix

Alternate Universe

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Altenate Universe has been a story that I have been planning/ writing since Feb 2003. I hope to make it a game someday I just created a webpage with a little info on it. Some of the feedback I got from SNK-Capcom.com was a little weird to say the least. I stumbled across THIS site and found this forum. I have a few questions before I make some last minute changes so I need some REAL feedback from aspiring game developers and story developers. I don''t care what you have to say just as long as it can help me improve my story''s plot. And tell me if you think AU would be a better fighting game or RPG or fighting game or even both. "Alternate Universe": PRIDE, RESPECT, SKILL visit my webpage to see some slight character descriptions and feedback from SNK-Capcom.com. Also tell me if you want any updates!!! http://www.webspawner.com/users/auauthor/index.html

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quote:
Original post by neurokaotix
quote:
Original post by orionx103
Severe lack of disorganization. Redo the site, or at least have someone else redo it for you. Then, I might take another look.


Classic way for gdnet to greet a new user.



It''s confusing. I don''t see why I or anyone else would want to bother with it if it''s not even in a half-decent format.

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quote:
Original post by orionx103
quote:
Original post by neurokaotix
quote:
Original post by orionx103
Severe lack of disorganization. Redo the site, or at least have someone else redo it for you. Then, I might take another look.


Classic way for gdnet to greet a new user.



It's confusing. I don't see why I or anyone else would want to bother with it if it's not even in a half-decent format.


How about to being nice to someone who has requested feedback?

Those aren't bugs, they're added features


[edited by - NicolasX on March 23, 2004 3:50:14 PM]

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I redid the page and it's a another site I changed around somethings and made it more readable.

http://www.build-a-webpage.com/health/alternateuniverse/index.html

[edited by - neogoukix on March 23, 2004 4:10:53 PM]

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quote:
Original post by neogoukix
I redid the page and it''s a another site I changed around somethings and made it more readable.

http://www.build-a-webpage.com/alternateuniverse/index.html


i get a page not found (404) error when trying to go to that link.

anyway, my sense form the original posting was that you need more background about this alternate universe. what''s it like? what''s it based on? i got that it has something to do with elemental powers and that it owns you in the sense that you must protect it if you are asked to. but what is it actually like? what does it look like? what is the basis for the elemental powers in that universe? why is it there? is it truly just an alternate universe, or is it a meta-universe in which your actions effect our universe?

basically you need a lot more background story for the plot to make sense.

-me

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It seems like a disorganized half (or maybe only a third) of a game concept to me. Which is not to say that you can''t make something interesting out of it, it just needs more ideas and more work. Ask yourself: What would I experience as I booted this game up and started to play? Would it be fun? What would make it more fun?

A side note - your characters choose their elemental attributes? That''s wierd. Usually in elemental attribute systems the person or creature''s element is determined by birth or personality, and the person can only effectively study whatever element they have an affinity for.

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Actions in the Alternate Universe do effect the normal universe. But it only depends on if you exist in the AU certain people that exist in the Normal Universe(NU) don''t exist in the AU. I did that so it would''nt be a rip-off of THE ONE. That''s what makes it a dream world to Kris for instance (who is the main traveler) Anna does not exist in the AU becuase Alternate Kris has no need for her becuase he''s the schools top basketball player and has a girlfriend Terry Anh. Brandi does''t exist in the AU becuase Daraun(Kris''s best friend never left for a year in the AU) therefore to Kris Alternate Brandi does not exist. I guess that''s the legal limbo explanationation of the AU.

The link was messed up becuase when you were most likey viewing the post I was editing the link mistake I made, Sorry

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coolio about the link. i still maintain that you need a lot more background work. in order to make this a good story for a game you will need significant work on your details. for instance, currently your story is about 1/2 page long. though making page length requirements is always a bad idea, i'd say that if you can expand your ideas into at least a 5 page story you'll start to have sufficient detail to actually make this a game. The only reason i say 5 pages is that I find 5 pages to be a good length for me to actually start revealing to myself the things that I will need to expand upon to actually make this an engaging story.

-me

[edited by - Palidine on March 23, 2004 4:41:22 PM]

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quote:
Original post by sunandshadow
It seems like a disorganized half (or maybe only a third) of a game concept to me. Which is not to say that you can''t make something interesting out of it, it just needs more ideas and more work. Ask yourself: What would I experience as I booted this game up and started to play? Would it be fun? What would make it more fun?

A side note - your characters choose their elemental attributes? That''s wierd. Usually in elemental attribute systems the person or creature''s element is determined by birth or personality, and the person can only effectively study whatever element they have an affinity for.


I made the characters choose their element so when or if even, a game is developed players will be able to freely choose the elemental path they want to take of course for real purists the elements can be decided by the real story.

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Guest Anonymous Poster
Your 12 right? Here''s a link to a design document template. Read over it, and study how a design document is supposed to read:

http://www.gamedev.net/reference/articles/article1063.asp

Just copy and paste into your browser, yes i know it''s asp, it will start the download automatically.

You really need to clean that up and stop watching pokemon and yugi-oh. Look at the major games out, compare them to your idea, see what i''m talking about? Game design is part getting your idea out, and part molding it to your mass audiences wants.

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quote:
Original post by Anonymous Poster
You really need to clean that up and stop watching pokemon and yugi-oh. Look at the major games out, compare them to your idea, see what i''m talking about? Game design is part getting your idea out, and part molding it to your mass audiences wants.



That does need to be cleaned up... a lot. But I don''t think he should have to compare his ideas to the ideas of major games. Let him do his own thing in stead of having to conform it to what everyone thinks is good.

And what does Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh! have to do with anything? I don''t see any parallels between his project and either. And I''m sixteen, so don''t try to make an age comment. >_>

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quote:
Original post by Anonymous Poster
Your 12 right? Here''s a link to a design document template. Read over it, and study how a design document is supposed to read:

http://www.gamedev.net/reference/articles/article1063.asp

Just copy and paste into your browser, yes i know it''s asp, it will start the download automatically.

You really need to clean that up and stop watching pokemon and yugi-oh. Look at the major games out, compare them to your idea, see what i''m talking about? Game design is part getting your idea out, and part molding it to your mass audiences wants.


Thanks for th template and I appreciate it but I only wanted input on the story. I''m completing the document and you would be blown away by it, but I''m not posting it becuase the doc puts out too many details about my revoluitionary idea to change fighting games forever. So if anyone else wants to reply about what they see about the story not about how old I am or how disorganized it is then do so. Thank You

http://www.build-a-webpage/health/alternate_universe/index.html

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I couldn''t get into your most recently posted page. I like your ideas, but they need to be expanded some more. Perhaps you can give us the first hour or so of playtime so that we actually know something besides just some broad concepts of the game. Some of your writing is a little bit... ameature (Sp). You seem to be fairly young, so I''ll forgive you on that count. Don''t feel you''re alone though, I''m only 17 and Orionx is 16 (If I remember right. I''m right, right?) I''ve been writing my self for a few years, so I know what it''s like to write at a young age. Just keep working and I know you''ll be able to do great things. Welcome to the boards, by the way. I hope you enjoy yourself, despite some critical remarks. Just remember, we only do it to try to help you (God, I sound like a teacher or a parent or something).

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quote:
Original post by RichardMV
I couldn''t get into your most recently posted page. I like your ideas, but they need to be expanded some more. Perhaps you can give us the first hour or so of playtime so that we actually know something besides just some broad concepts of the game. Some of your writing is a little bit... ameature (Sp). You seem to be fairly young, so I''ll forgive you on that count. Don''t feel you''re alone though, I''m only 17 and Orionx is 16 (If I remember right. I''m right, right?) I''ve been writing my self for a few years, so I know what it''s like to write at a young age. Just keep working and I know you''ll be able to do great things. Welcome to the boards, by the way. I hope you enjoy yourself, despite some critical remarks. Just remember, we only do it to try to help you (God, I sound like a teacher or a parent or something).


Thanks, sorry I messed up the link, I''m 18 by the way, I don''t explain my ideas in full over the net becuase one of my ideas may be stolen. It did''nt take me long to realize you people here are a helluva lot more serious. You''ll see better explanations when I get AU registered so if anyone tries to steal my idea I sue thier ass.

AU webpage: http://www.build-a-webpage.com/health/alternateuniverse/index.html

If you have any questions about the story or you want an explanation of something I''ll gladly give it.

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quote:
Original post by neogoukix
Thanks, sorry I messed up the link, I''m 18 by the way, I don''t explain my ideas in full over the net becuase one of my ideas may be stolen. It did''nt take me long to realize you people here are a helluva lot more serious. You''ll see better explanations when I get AU registered so if anyone tries to steal my idea I sue thier ass.



Erm, yeah, no one''s going to try to steal your ideas, and especially this one. Trust me.

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quote:
Original post by orionx103
quote:
Original post by neogoukix
Thanks, sorry I messed up the link, I'm 18 by the way, I don't explain my ideas in full over the net becuase one of my ideas may be stolen. It did'nt take me long to realize you people here are a helluva lot more serious. You'll see better explanations when I get AU registered so if anyone tries to steal my idea I sue thier ass.



Erm, yeah, no one's going to try to steal your ideas, and especially this one. Trust me.


Where's your bright ideas? I'd love to see them, you people here are worse than than some of the people on SNK-Capcom.com, DAMN
I bet not one person who has replied to this thread read the whole thing, So come wise guy I wanna see your big blockbuster Idea thats gonna blow the industry away. If you dont have one then Shut the hell up!!!!!!!!!!


[edited by - neogoukix on March 26, 2004 3:34:07 PM]

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I don''t know what kind of feedback your expecting, since you don''t have anything to comment on. You have shown us a list of characters and made grandious claims of having ideas to completely revolutionize fighting games for ever. There no story that I can see but then fighting games don''t really need story.

-----------------------------------------------------
Writer, Programer, Cook, I''m a Jack of all Trades
Current Design project: Ambitions Slave

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Guest Anonymous Poster
yeah, he''s a kid. Look... No one cares about this. I posted a design doc, clean it up, post your life changing story, then maybe we''ll comment. I would actually bet money that your idea is crapped on by hundreds of people. It''s not very original, it does''nt flow, it''s childish and un detailed. If you notice, most games don''t actually have an entire universe based around them. They only give the illusion by referencing them. You need to start smaller. One detailed scene, with characters that immediately make an impact on the reader. Most games do this visually so how about getting a concept artist? You have gotten crits on this, and immediately resorted to insulting us. Have yoe ver thought that we''re right? It just sucks man, take the crit and improve it. Get used to crits or find another industy to work in.

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quote:
Original post by neogoukix
Where''s your bright ideas? I''d love to see them, you people here are worse than than some of the people on SNK-Capcom.com, DAMN
I bet not one person who has replied to this thread read the whole thing, So come wise guy I wanna see your big blockbuster Idea thats gonna blow the industry away. If you dont have one then Shut the hell up!!!!!!!!!!



I''m a writer, not a game designer, bud. But hey, if you wanna see my ideas, they''re on my site. ^_^

And plus, as most anyone will tell you, no one will steal ideas because they more than likely have a million of they''re own.

URL: http://www.kagegamer.com/orionx103

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Stop insulting neogoukix, Orionx, he just brought us an idea, and even if you don''t think it''s that great, instead of just saying that it sucks, tell him what''s wrong with it. I haven''t seen anything positive except that it needs to be better orginized. Perhaps if you give Neo a chance, he''ll pollish what he has to be something great.

Neo, the whole point of the site is to open up and present your ideas to us. If you worry about people stealing all your ideas, then you''ll end up like Golum. Whenever anyone asks you to provide us with more info, you''ll respond. "No!!! No one may see ''My Precious''!" Let us see it and I can at least promise for myself that I won''t steal it. I have enough ideas of my own to deal with right now. If anyone does stoop so low as to steal your idea, I''ll back you up as it''s creator. So, start from the begining and give us some idea of what we can expect from the first hour or so of playing.

To the rest of you, NO MORE INSULTS!!! Most of you know what it''s like to have an idea ridiculed, I know I do, so keep comments constructive and avoid calling an idea crap, sucky, stupid, or any other such word.

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quote:
Original post by Anonymous Poster
yeah, he's a kid. Look... No one cares about this. I posted a design doc, clean it up, post your life changing story, then maybe we'll comment. I would actually bet money that your idea is crapped on by hundreds of people. It's not very original, it does'nt flow, it's childish and un detailed. If you notice, most games don't actually have an entire universe based around them. They only give the illusion by referencing them. You need to start smaller. One detailed scene, with characters that immediately make an impact on the reader. Most games do this visually so how about getting a concept artist? You have gotten crits on this, and immediately resorted to insulting us. Have yoe ver thought that we're right? It just sucks man, take the crit and improve it. Get used to crits or find another industy to work in.


Hes right. There are 100's of posts ever year from people asking for some valid input into thier game. They post a link and say any feedback would be good. What is always on the site is a mish-mash of game CONCEPTS and what they think would be fun. So people start posting saying 'comment on what? Theres nothing much to comment on!' which always has the origonal poster come back, ranting and raving about how this board sux.

It kind of annoys me that they EXPECT people to wade knee deep through horrible formatting and half-assed writing to give them asskissing feedback. There are many people who have been on this forum a LONG time, and when they ask for feeback they know that the members are busy and try to make the item they need feedback on as easy to read as possible. Its a two way street.

So if you want some valid input, dont expect people to sit down for 2 hours to figure out what your webpage is on about. I mean with lines like the one below, Technogoth is spot on.

quote:

this is my idea for a fighting game. it would be a 3d tournament set on one island. the arenas can be damaged and can affect the other arenas. like a tree knocked down might hit a building in the next arena and stuff like that.



..Stuff like that? How can you expect long detailed replys when you send us lines like this?

You want input on your story? Why not post your story instead of a webpage which is one huge 'you know what would make a game cool?' page. Look around the forum a bit first and see how others ask for help. (in fact, I still cant find any trace of a story line on that page)

Im not flaming you, and I would very much like to see what you have done so far. But dont expect me to sit down for 2 hours tryng to read a page you made, simply because you didnt want to take more than 20 minutes writing it beacause you were busy.
[edit: typos]

[edited by - boolean on March 26, 2004 9:43:27 PM]

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quote:
Original post by RichardMV
Stop insulting neogoukix, Orionx...



Hey there, I never insulted the guy. I told him what was wrong with it. I didn''t tell him the page was a flaming pile, so until I do, don''t tell me to stop insulting him.

quote:

...tell him what''s wrong with it. I haven''t seen anything positive except that it needs to be better orginized. I haven''t seen anything positive except that it needs to be better orginized.



I did tell him what''s wrong with it. I told him it should be better organized. I even took up for him when he was called a twelve year old. How''s that for being positive?

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Allright lets clear this bull up, I did''nt mean that someone

would steal ideas from the story, that would''nt happen in a

million years thats why the story is the way it is. My idea for

the game is what i''m hiding, Why? cause i''m 100% percent sure

the idea has never been used before it''s been used but not the

way I plan to use it. I''m glad to let all of you know that I''m

putting together a Plot Guide for AU and its sequels and the 15-

page background prequel if you will it should be finished either

Wed or Thurs and i''m stripping my webpage of the crap I posted

and orionx103 i''ll see this project of yours

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