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A Quick Idea and Script Sample

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According to Eastern European legends.....there is a creature. A solitary man nither living nor dead. A demon who feasts on the blood of Humans. They called him Nosferatu..aka...The Vampire. These were simply stories made up to scare childrin into never leaving the town...but ledgends can come true. New York 2021: ''This is Amanda Denton reporting live from downtown New York, Last night three people were killed in a attack outside this Apartment block''. ''The three victims who are yet to be identified seem to have been stabbed multiple times....uh..hold on....Im being told that the three bodies were ''Drained'' of there blood and an analysys indicates that it was sucked from the wounds quite quickly'' ''That was three months ago''. ''I was 18...but im no longer a man....im imortal...im perfect..ha ha ha.'' ''Im searching for them too ya know''. ''Being a SEEr is tough but at least were fighing the good fight''. Game Idea - THIRST By Kyle Allan Comments

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Hmm... It sounds like you've trimmed your BloodLions idea to have just one creature in it. We still need more content. This idea is more razzle-dazzle than anything else.

Edit: And your 18-year-old "immortal" has an awfully high opinion of himself, considering that he's the only immortal being in the universe who isn't old enough to buy beer.

And if this critter just came into existence, why is there an international organization dedicated to fighting him? Don't tell me the U.N. passed a resolution that fast.

[edited by - Iron Chef Carnage on April 5, 2004 10:18:40 PM]

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Well the game is kinda like Hitman but more gory.
You play as the Vampire - Kill Humans and Drink Blood
and SEEr vampire Hunters - Kill Vampires and Save Humans.
You also have advantages and disadvantages:
Vampires Can jump good.
Humans use Zip-Cords
Vampires Health drains constantly.
Humans Health is normal.
Vampires have Sharp Claws.
Humans Use Swords and Guns.

Also if you want to know why i got rid of BloodLions?.
My big sister thought they were sexy!....THEIR KILLERS NOT LADY PLEASURERS!.
So there is the whole name-change thingy.
I will post more on the story later

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quote:
Original Post by CHASIS-BLADE
You play as the Vampire - Kill Humans and Drink Blood
and SEEr vampire Hunters - Kill Vampires and Save Humans.
You also have advantages and disadvantages:
Vampires Can jump good.
Humans use Zip-Cords
Vampires Health drains constantly.
Humans Health is normal.
Vampires have Sharp Claws.
Humans Use Swords and Guns.
A clash of titans, no doubt about it.

You mention that humans are trying to kill "Vampires" -- plural. Are there multiple critters? I thought there was just the one...

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There is more than one vampire in the game.
I will give you the next section of the script about their creation.

''I was normal until that day....I was walking down an empty alley on the way home from school...it was quiet...suddenly I was knocked out from behind and taken to some sort of lab''.
''I was tied down naked to a metal table...i noticed there was other around me...6 men and 4 women i think''.
''The doctor came in and gave us all injections....when he did..my heart stopped...i could''nt breath...i died there''.
''I was dead but then i woke up seconds later to the most extreme pain ever..i was tearing in two! the others around me were screaming in agony..and then i got kinda tired and fell to sleep..the pain came with me too''.
''I woke up several hours later in a small padded room...i felt wet..I got up and saw that i was lying in my own blood...i was amazed that i was still alive..thats when i heard it...shouts and screems from down the hall...thats when i first smelt it....real food''.
''I was so hungry..the pain was terrible..and then a man came in the cell..all tied up like a prisoner...he was''nt joining me..he was my meal''.
''I grabbed him by the cheast and held him up against the wall...my teeth felt strange...two of my front teeth fell out and out came two fangs to replace them...i bit into his neck and out came the blood like a river...the taste was amazing...it was like i was drinking life...it was truly amazing''.
''I finished my meal and the man fell silent..the door burst open and in came the others..they game me some pants and we left our prison and went back to the city....for an all-you-can-eat''.

After they broke out of the base they went back to New York and began to feed on the people of the city.
It was soon After that the SEEr''s were formed to combat this menece.

Playable characters:

Vampires - Jason Everet - The vampire from the script above

SEEr''s - Joseph Armstrong - One of the First SEEr''s
Morgan Winterson - A new member of the SEEr''s, Out to avenge her family

Please give me some Feedback

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You''ve used it before, but what does SEEr mean?

First-person narratives, however well they''re written, aren''t the best way to present story ideas for evaluation. It''s difficult to distill content from style, and so we have a hard time making constructive comments. Here''s what I gather from your last post:

Jason Everett, an apparently normal high school student, was kidnapped by a mysterious group of people with a huge budget and nearly limitles resources, and subjected to some kind of bizarre experiment. It turned him into something that is best described as a vampire, and then he and ten other similarly affected people were cut loose on New York City.

When the threat to civilians was assessed, a special response team of unknown origina nd affiliation came into existence and set about eliminating vampires. There are at least two people in this organization, one who has been in the organization since its inception (three months ago) and one new recruit who has apparently lost her family to vampires.

What exactly does this transformation entail? Jason''s 18, and yet when he gets turned out onto the mean streets of New York, he doesn''t seem to have any interest in getting help, reporting his kidnapping, calling his mom, or figuring out what the hell just happened to him. All he wants is blood. Is his brain gone? Is he a jerk? What''s his deal? Are the other ten vampires the same way? Does he have any super powers other than pointy teeth, sharp claws, good jumping, decaying health, and the ability to kill people that are tied up and thrown into his cell?

Why is SEEr fighting vampires? What''s wrong with the National Guard? SWAT teams? Marines? What does SEEr have that these more conventional organizations lack? Silver bullets? Ninjas? Eyeball lasers? Please don''t tell me that the SEErs are all between the ages of 16 and 19.

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Okay I will answer your qeustions.

what does SEEr mean? - SEEr does not mean anything..they are a group of extraordinary people who have been trained secretly by a government agency to respond to any threat.

Is his brain gone? - No. His mind was reprogramed by the drug to kill as the formula was actuly a weapon of mass destruction gone wrong.

Are the other ten vampires the same way? - Not really but Jasons powers are far advanced of the others so if they disobay him he can Shut-Down their brains.

Does he have any super powers other than pointy teeth, sharp claws, good jumping, decaying health, and the ability to kill people that are tied up and thrown into his cell? - The vampires are more than just jumping and teeth, there Mental powers (If focused correctly) can allow the Vampires to do many things like Kill over long distances and if your powerful..you could fly.

Why is SEEr fighting vampires? What''s wrong with the National Guard? SWAT teams? Marines? What does SEEr have that these more conventional organizations lack? - When the threat was assessed The president of the USA Delared the SEEr''s to handle the Vampire Problem as SEErs can handle the situation more camly and quickly that the SWAT team and National Guard.
SEEr''s also have Access to and Anti-Vampire serum that they coat there weapons with so that A few hits can kill Vampires.
Overall...Why The SWAT teams and FBI?...THIS IS A GAME FOR CRYIN OUT LOAD..F-A-N-T-A-S-Y!

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quote:
Original post by Iron Chef Carnage
And your 18-year-old "immortal" has an awfully high opinion of himself, considering that he''s the only immortal being in the universe who isn''t old enough to buy beer.


Not if he comes over here, in Canada, eh?

Is it just me, or does the whole "SEEr" thing sound surprisingly like "SeeD" from FF8? Even their purpose is similare. Is there any actual reason for the name (and more importantly, the rather unusual capitalization?)

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It definitely looks like it should be an acronym, and since you''ve used it before in a similar context, I''m rather surprised that it isn''t. Why are you so attached to those four letters? It''s not an acronym, the word isn''t particularly appropriate... I can''t see any reason to call it that, especially since it was formed by an executive order. Call it the Special Evil Elimination Response Team, or SEER Team. I dunno. I just don''t like SEEr. It''s so arbitrary.

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If SEEr doesn''t mean anything, then it could be any four letter combination, such as ASDf, OUCh, EATs, or POOp. The government never gives a random name like SEEr to an orginization. They have far too much time on their hands to waste to give random names to something. They have to spend a long time trying to think of some appropriate phrase that also makes a cool acronym. Otherwise they might have time for actually thinking up good ways to spend tax money. Anyway, everything has to have a reason, or it simply becomes a thorn in the player''s side. It will bother the player and leave them feeling bad about your game. There was almost no reason to the ending (final battle) of Final Fantasy IX, which made a lot of people irate (including me).

Yes, the concept does sound like SeeD, but that''s not a bad thing. Taking an old idea in a new direction simply breathes new life into an old idea, making it as good as new... That reads awkwardly, but oh well. Taking an old idea and taking it in the same direction, with little change just makes the idea grow stale. I''m sure Chasis-Blade can take something that may sound like SeeD and make it into something different and as great as the original idea. There aren''t many original idea''s left, after all.

Your intro could be the most frightening in any video game I''ve ever seen. Open with Jason leaving his school. Calm music, everything seems fine. Suddenly... Music crecendoes and becomes more intense, shots of men attacking Jason and subduing him flash almost on the screen. Jason slumps unconcious. Darkness. After a few seconds, the voice of a news anchorwoman is heard,slowling rising from silence to speaking volume. She gives her report as the lights slowly come up on a lab. Jason slowly wakes up as the anchorwoman finishes her report. We see Jason, close up, come to with a look of horror on his face, then flashes of the horrific experiences, with the underlying sounds of screaming, etc. A heartbeat slowly rises above the other sounds and becomes slower and slower as we see Jason, alone, writhing in agony. Then, both Jason and the heartbeat become still. Then we see him walking through the streets (this would be another good place for the news report). He can be thinking his lines, and then we see him kill a young woman. As an opener, it should be shocking. Then, we begin playing.

I like your story, or what you have of it. You could take this concept far, although some things would have to be smoothed out. One thing though, not about your game, but your grammar:

They''re - They are
Their - posession
There - location

I know It''s kind of rude of me to bring it up, but it''s really hard for a reader when you''re constantly using the wrong forms of words. It really gives a bad impression to other people when you don''t use the right word forms, because they assume you don''t know them, which leads them to make judgements on you. This will happen in jobs and colleges and anywhere you have to write something. People are quite apt to take you much less seriously if they don''t think you understand your word forms. If you submit a game idea with all the grammatical errors with the their''s, etc., it will hurt the liklihood that a company would consider publishing your idea, even if everything else is right. It was begining to bother me, so I just wanted to point that out to you. Don''t hate me, I''m just trying to help you with a common problem.

Alright, I think I''m done for now, sorry to go into a grammer lesson, but, as I said, it bothered me, and it will bother other people in situations more important than this one. I love your idea and I wish you luck as you continue to work on and develop it.

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